Kinda sad today * long post*

Ever had one of those days where you feel sad  and out of sorts? Today seems to be that day for me. I am a day from 3 months post-op, down 78lbs, and look so much better. I, for some reason, can't seem to overcome the melancholy attitude. I think there have been so many changes lately that my poor brain can't wrap itself around it all. We moved to a new state in last year, I can't seem to find a job so I am always in my house, we are down to one car so I don't get out much, and my emotions over being adopted have crept up again.

 I grew up in a wonderful home but I still once or twice a yr do some investigating into the cir****tances of my adoption. I stayed up late one night searching the net for my birthmothers name and its like she is a ghost. It was a private adoption and I think she gave a false name. There is nothing worse than knowing someone went to great lengths to make sure you never found them. I guess the bottom line is that I used to eat to keep all these cir****tances at bay and now its like my nerves are exposed. I know some counseling would be helpful...I just have a few days every once in awhile when it just weighs me down.

                                                           Thanks for letting me vent....Kim

I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it today.  Wish there was something I could say to cheer you up, but nothing helps a mood like that.  However, I've got some good tried-n-true platitudes!

Realize, this too shall pass... and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!  ;)

All kidding aside, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day... keep your head up and make conscious decisions about what you put in your mouth.  Don't let emotions take over and stuff your tummy!

Take care...


tori

So sorry you are having a bad day but remember the lord never fills our plates with what we cant handle, and you have done great for being 3 months out! Congratss on that sweetie. Huggs dear tommorrow is a new day

We all have those moments. Good for you in reaching out and not letting this gray cloud eat at you. This is the place to dump it. Also have you had blood work done lately? There are numerous vitamin and mineral deficencies that can cause these feelings of melancholy. Bless your heart and keep sharing. Perhaps some counseling too. Take care dear one. Kahwren

I, too, am sorry that you're feeling so melancholy right now as this is always such a yuck thing to go through.

With regard to the adoption issue, you just need to really try and let it go as it serves no useful purpose to speculate why your birth mother was unable to keep you.

And trust me when I say, there are things a whole lot worse than knowing someone went to great lengths to make sure you never found them...

You grew up in a wonderful home.  I grew up in a home with two alcoholic parents who were sadists.  I was physically abused almost daily, emotionally and psychologically tortured, and sexually abused. 

I used to pray that I would be put up for adoption so I could live in a nice home with parents who treated children with love and kindness.

Rather than feeling sad about an absent birth mother, you may want to instead focus in on all the wonderful things you do have and just be grateful.

Trust me when I say that life with the birth mother may not have been anywhere near as wonderful as the life you were so blessed to have...   

I hope you're feeling brighter soon!!! 

Thanks for sharing your story.  As the mom of two kids who I adopted, I appreciate your point of view.  I hope you have found peace.

Laura

I can't add too much to what others have already posted in answer to your message. 
There are a thousand reasons why your birth mother might have wished at the time to remain forever anonymous.  Perhaps you could derive some solace in allowing yourself to think that she has come to regret that decision as much as you, but has been powerless to penetrate the same veil of secrecy that has thwarted your research. 
Your remarkable progress in weight loss since your surgery speaks volumes about your ability to bring focus to solving a problem for which there is a solution within your control.  Keep celebrating that. 
Sometimes, I wish gravity didn't work as well as it does.  And I wish that fish would bite at my bait with more frequency.  I can't control either of those phenomena, and about a million other things.  But I am content in knowing, as you much also know by now, that there is great satisfaction in being able to wrest control of a bad and harmful lifestyle and return back to a healthy existence with a little help from a surgeon and a big dose of self-confidence and discipline.
Don't forget that in all the universe (and that's a really big place) you are unique.  Strive to enjoy your new life.  Best of luck to you in mastering your demons and returning to a place where you can enjoy the rest of the journey.

You know Kim, I was not adopted, but my mother and I never bonded.  Even though I knew her and grew up in her home, there is no place in me that longs for her (she passed away in 1993).  However, what is left for me is an empty place in my soul where "Mom" is supposed to go.  My mother can't go there, but that ache exists.

It is completely possible and very likely that if you found this woman who gave birth to you, that she would be unable to fill that ache in your soul either.  I think it might answer your questions, however, the answer to why is often very unsatisfying. 

I do know this about myself.  My mother's inability to bond with me has nothing to do with who I am.  There is this nagging question of "What is it about me that a mother can't love?"  It is a valid question asked by a hurt child.  My adult self knows that her wounds kept her from letting herself love me.  So, in those moments when my inner child cries for a mom, I answer her by mothering myself.

Kim, you are worthy and valuable.  You are gracious and kind.  You are beautiful and lovable.  You are cute and sweet.  You deserve good things.  You deserve a wonderful life.  You deserve good health.  You deserve to lose weight and to exist in a body that is good to you.  You deserve love and friends and every blessing.  This is my prayer for you, that you would know how very wonderful you are, the height and breadth of the wonder of you.  And, may this knowing overwhelm any feelings that contradict it. 

Hugs Kim I am not adopted and grew up in a happy home so I dont want to discount your feelings but maybe look at it this way.... You recieved a wonderful gift from an annonymous
source. I would choose to believe she truely wanted you to belong with this new family, without complications of her.  Not sure if that helps but like I said HUGS

Thanks to all of you for your kind and helpful replies. I do know how lucky I was to be placed in a loving and wonderful home and who knows what life would have been like with the birthmother. Your posts made me cry and feel so cared about by people who only know me thru our shared battle. Thanks again!