A viciuos, vicious circle...Overly long..Sorry...

I'm not one to post something like this, but I think this goes into a real issue, not just "Am I broken, I haven't lost weight in 4 days!" I've had stalls, 2 weeks post-op I stalled out for 3 weeks. No problem, I knew it was going to happen and I was not going to be one "those people" that clog up the boards with it. I've also stalled for a week here and 2 weeks there, no problem. I've lost 46lbs in 3 months! I couldn't be happier! Some people have lost a lot more, but they also weigh a lot more than I do.

So o.k., fine, I'm in a stall now that is going on 3 weeks. I wouldn't worry about it at all, except it started in the middle of last month when I would normally get my period. (I don't have one actually because I have Mirena IUD, but I still get all the 'symptoms', just no bleeding) So, of course, I seemed a lot hungrier. Not real physical hunger, but the dreaded head hunger, that everyone fights every once in a while. I love my protein shakes and are totally addicted to them! I started having 3 instead of 2 every day. O.k., no problem, it could be worse. At least I'm not cramming my mouth with 'crap' food. I started grazing.

I do well, during the day, especially if I have errands or other things going on. It's the nights when I'm at home that get me. Since the middle of last month I've been drinking 3 protein shakes a day, grabbing a handful of almonds here and there. I eat the same thing for breakfast every morning, it's my morning routine, and I like it. Greek yogurt and an Atkins day break bar, every morning. Lunch, a Click shake. I've started having shakes for dinner too. I snack on the almonds all the time. I quit buying the Kashi Go Lean protein and fiber bars, because I'd eat one of those too. I end up with 2 more greek yogurts in there too.

I'm addicted to slider foods. I love them. I don't even get the urge to eat regular food. No sweets, no carbs, etc. I know that I need to stop all this damn grazing and the too many protein shakes. I tell myself every evening that I'll finish eating tonight and tomorrow I won't graze, I'll only have 2 protein shakes, and I'll make sure I eat more 'real' food.

 

I am so worried about me taking in too many calories and grazing, that it makes me want to do it more. I'm so worried and stressed that I'm in this stall because of these habits. The worry leads to eating. The boredom of being in the house, leads to eating, or the constant wanting something to eat. I probably get about 1200 to 1600 calories a day. I keep reading on OH, that some of the vets post and  the calorie rules they followed and are still successful, at 5-6 or more years out. I certainly take in more.  I know the answers that most people would seek would work. Schedule your day, go to the gym, go do this, go do that. My problem is, I try to do as much as I can, but I'm disabled. Not so disabled that I can't even walk, but some days, it does hurt to walk. Some days my fingers hurt to even bend them, etc. I'm on a limited amount of money, and I have the physical(as well as mental) problems, that hinder me from doing these things. I can't even do some good walking because I've been to the point that I don't know if I would make it home! I'd absolutely LUV to be able to take my dogs for a good power walk, like I used too.

So, it all goes back to the fat girl in me thinking, is this going to work? I've heard of people eating everything under the sun they want and still losing the weight for the first year, but afterwards they start gaining it all back. Yes, I am one of 'those people,' right now, that's saying to myself, "Is this gonna work, am I failing myself, what if I stop losing right here?" I can't help it. My fat mind is ******g with me and I'm scared. Being scared and worried, is really screwing with my resolve to eat properly. I don't drink with meals, the meals I eat are protein forward, I take all my vitamins EVERY day, I get at least 80 oz of water a day, usually 100 oz, but still, I'm scared ****less! I have decided today, that this is it. I'm going to straighten my ass out and I'm starting again. No waiting until this or that is over. No waiting until Monday, to start the week off fresh. That just my 'fat' brain telling me the same **** it's been telling me for years. Probably some of the reason I got fat in the first place!

I know that some of you are probably be like, "Oh God, not another stupid stall post." But, I think this topic runs a lot deeper than just a stall post. There has to be some of you that feel the same. At least, I hope so, I think. So, I guess, it ****** me off and scares that crap out of me that at 3 months out, even though I know full and well that I'm gonna stall, that I am still so scared ****less, that my old vicious circle, is triggering my eating patterns. I know what I need and want to do. But, even knowing better, I sabotage myself, and I feel like I'm failing.
 

 I had gotten to a point of documenting every morsel that went into my mouth. I found a great app that I could even just scan a barcode and add new foods, if needed. I stopped because I was in denial, or I wasn't in denial, but I unconsciencely wanted to be. If that makes any sense! I saw my calorie intake going up a little and when 'that time of the month' came around, I said to myself that I wasn't going to beat myself up for snacking a little more, just during that time, so I decided not to log my food for a few days. Well, that few days turned into about a month! Ack. So, this morning I started logging and scanning again, so that I can't be purposely blind to the truth. What I eat would be fine if I were in maintanence, but I'm not in maintanence! I figured up all the calories from what I eat in a day, including the almonds and it's between 1400-1500 calories, so I was about right in my estimation. But, it's still too much, with me being disabled, because I'm obviously probably taking in more than I'm burning. 

 So, I'm not waiting until tomorrow or Monday, like I always say I will. I'm doing it today, on a Wednesday, and that's that. And I soon as I see that damn scale move, I know this self-defeating behavior will stop, but it's scary to me that it even started this early. At least I'm aware of it though and taking the proper action while I still am 'honeymooning.' All the intelligence, research, support, etc, still cannot help the scared little fat girl, thinks.....No, knows, she's going to fail. 

 

 I wish I loved protein shakes that much.  I think you are right, you need to eat more food.  It is better to get protein from the "real" source not just shakes.  

46lbs is good.  1600 calories a day is way to much at 3 or 4 months out, I think you know that.  If you could get in some kind of work out I think you might be able to do those extra protein shakes that you like. Walking is a good work out.  

You will not fail.  You have a good attitude.  Good Luck! 

 I am also disabled and I don't work outside the home.  But I still have a routine.  I can't afford to eat out boredom.
One thing I can definitely recommend is to get rid of the carbs, especially refined carbs.  Keep it real low carb.  Also get rid of the almonds.  While they aren't the worse thing in the world they are very high calorie with low protein.  There are better low calorie protein sources.  I wouldn't worry about the protein shakes.  My weight loss increased when I upped my protein shakes.  That is not what you need to worry about.  It's the trigger foods.  You know what they are.  Slider foods don't help us any.  We need dense protein sources that will keep us satisfied longer.
Do you live with others?  See if you can get them on board in order to help you out.  They really don't need the high carbs, either.  If it's not around it will be less tempting.  Keep high protein around and if you really feel the need to eat grab a cheese stick or hard boiled egg or some chicken.
Another thing that helps is to plan out my meals for the day.  That saves me from the indecisiveness that leads to unhealthy eating.  I plan out my meals and snacks, have them ready and stick to it.  I am flexible if I go out to eat or am away from home and need to eat something but for the most part I stick with the plan.
Don't give up on yourself.  Use your tool to help you make better choices.  Allow yourself to feel satisfied with your food.  You can turn this around and get back to losing again.

Lisa, I know the post was long, but if you read it in entirety, you will see that I already touched on the subject of not being able to even walk for exercise, as I'm disabled.

Thanks Tazz, you're right about the almonds. I made sure I got low cal, low fat, low sugar, ones but I think they are a trigger now. The only refined carbs I eat are the one Atkins bar in the morning, so I guess I'll cut that out too. When I cut those out, all I have left are shakes and greek yogurt. I've just got to MAKE myself add different foods. I recognize a pattern there now too. Even since I was young, I'd find a food or two that I liked and then eat ONLY that for a few weeks and then change to a new food that I eat repetitively. I've never been one for diet diversity. I guess I gotta try that more too.

 I can't tell you how long I have been eating ricotta bake for lunch and chicken with salad for dinner.  I get into a rut, too.  That's ok.  Every now and then I get bold and try something new.  The other day I made low carb crab cakes.  They were delicious and I am going to make them again.  I also go out to eat once a week with  my boyfriend and we like trying new things.
Don't pu****  If you like what you are eating then stick with it.  When you get bored shake it up.  It is always evolving.
I just went to Trader Joe's tonight and found some new things to try.  I also look on different sites for ideas.  It has to be very easy and have few ingredients for me since I am not much of a cook.  I was surprised the crab cakes came out as good as they did.

I'm in fear of failing too. I'm starting to increase my protein and calories but I don't exercise but not because I can't. Since you can't walk far and the funds are not available, can you exercise the muscles by lifting weights ? Take a 64oz drink bottle, fill it full of water and use it to lift like a weight. Exercise the leg muscles by doing leg lifts. As you work your muscles, they will continue to burn calories after you finish exercising. Stick to 3 meals a day and no snacks. I know. Easier said than done. Hang in there. I'm still trying to make myself exercise and I'm worried and frustrated that I might gain weight. I know what you are feeling.

Just a suggestion for exercise... water aerobics for arthritis patients.  I havent tried it yet, but my mom goes religiously.  I dont know how handicapped you are but this is a great option for joint and back pain.  The local YMCA or high school may offer classes.  Just a suggestion.  

I need to see a psychologist so that I can deal with stalls and my negative thoughts.  Its really hard both physically and mentally.  Get help if you are feeling so down. 

I hope I was some help,  good luck to you.