Food Police

I'm so frustrated! I am two weeks out and on pureed/soft foods. Today the guys in my office wanted to go get Mexican for lunch and I went. I did everything right, I didn't drink before, during, or after for the 30 minutes, I had maybe 2 bites of a mushy corn tamale and 2 bites of refried beans and salsa. I didn't have any chips, I even caught myself before I put a straw in my drink and started drinking away out of habit.

I was so proud of myself and told my boyfriend how excited I was, my first restaurant experience and I handled it! I can do this and still be "normal" and do things with people! And he just reacts, so upset with me. He wanted to "caution" me about what I'm eating, and he wishes I hadn't gone without him. So my excitement!- kaput. Gone. Everything he says is about caution, warning, are you sure you can eat that?  I told him I've read way, way more than he has about this, and I'm in my body and he's not and he got so so offended, saying that he's been nothing but supportive. And that's true! But why does everything have to be caution?  Why can't he just be excited for me because I was excited? I didn't eat anything I couldn't!

Sorry for the rant, I'm just frustrated because this is exactly what I was afraid would happen, that he would be so focused on what I eat that all the fun is sucked out of everything and I will feel incredibly awkward eating anything in front of him.

How do you deal with food police?

I'm sure that he is just doing it out of love and concern but yes that is very aggrevating.  My mother and sister-n-law are my "food police".  Sometimes I listen to them, sometimes I don't.  Just do what you know you are suppose to do and go on. 

Your boyfriend can not take away your "excitement" without  your permission.  You chose to let him do so.  If you are excited - chose to be excited, regardless of what other people say.

No one can control your feelings and behavior - only YOU can do that.

Keep control and you will be much less frustrated.
Good job by the way!

Thanks, I really needed that!

Is your boyfriend in perfect health, perfectly conditioned.... and looking like Mr. Universe? 

Early out, I told my husband that if he ever made another comment on my food that he would not see another cheeseburger as long as he lived.  He needed a reminder that he is over weight & has high bp & cholesterol.  Did wonders.

lol... cool...

Mexican is my favorite!  I can eat, enjoy, and not go off plan.  I often joke that my pouch must be mexican.  I could DRINK salsa. 

You are in charge of YOU.  You can do this.  Part of your journey is learning what your parimeters are.  I remember crying in a restaurant when I could not eat anything.  That was then, I learned from it and now, I put me first.  If there are no menu options for me, then we go somewhere else. If there are a few things I can have - I am there! 

I am now a food/protein snob.  I did not go through hell and back to eat junk for the fun of it.  Every now and then I want 2 bites of something.  Mentally I still want to eat a cake sometimes.  It is HARD.  It will be hard for a long time and that is ok because I feel great. 

My support was different but I did live with the food police for a while.  I hope for you it passes.  You may need to be frank with your loved ones.  You don't need permission, you need support. 

Speaking as a boyfriend of someoine who had RNY just a little over 24 hours ago I have had those concerns of becoming "Sgt Food Cop".  Not being controlling just continuing to be supportive and keeping her healthy. Pre surgery I wouldn't dream of  policing her eating habits and I don't plan to start. But I love her more than anything and just want her to succeed in her goals. I also know that it is all up to her and when and if she needs my help I am here for her.

Little ranty but I guess I want to say be honest with him and let him know you appreciate support but you know your body better than he does.

You are only 2 weeks out. And restaurauts at your stage can be dangerous. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. How many times has he had to listen to you complain about your weight? Or how unhappy you are about your weight? That you want to be thin and healthy? I think he is just worried about you because if you are not successful, he is going to have to deal with your depression and your insecurities. I think he is trying to help you.

Tell him how he hurt your feelings and what kind of support you need from him. 

Laura

 Most likely you are not going to ever eat anything that is going to cause you serious harm (though I did read on here once about someone eating a soft pretzel from the mall and had to go to the ER.. don't do that)... but the fact is you have to RELEARN how and what to eat, and his policing isn't going to help that process.  What works for one person doesn't for another and the only way you're going to figure that out is safe, slow experimentation.  Tell him that if you eat a few bites of refried beans your pouch is NOT going to explode requiring immediate medical attention on his part.