End of my rope....X-Post

kb2010
on 7/26/11 9:13 am - CO
I am dealing with some really bad issues right now and I am starting to scare myself. I am @ 5 months post WLS and I don't know if it is hormonal or just life but I feel like I am slowing losing my mind. I am depressed alot of the time and horribly angry the rest. All of these overwhelming feelings of anger and irritation consume me and I go on a rage to my daughter or Husband. My daughter is 13 and really going thru a disrespectful and smartass time and it makes me soooo mad. I feel pissed on by her daily and I just lose it. I am not able to find a job and feel worthless on top of always worrying @ money. I don't want to hurt myself but there are days I wouldn't care if something happened to me. I am just so damn angry at the smallest thing. I get mad at slow drivers, crying babies, rude strangers..I want to just go blow steam off at them for no reason. I feel like I am ruining my marriage, my daughter and my life......,.
    

HW:390   GW:170ish

       
poet_kelly
on 7/26/11 9:22 am - OH
I don't know if it's hormonal or just life either, or maybe a combination of things.  I think most of the time depression probably occurs due to a combination of things.

It sounds like you're at the point where you really need to get some help.  If you don't want to hurt yourself but also wouldn't care if anything happened to you, you might put yourself in danger (like driving too fast, not wearing your seatbelt, etc) or if it gets a little bit worse you might decide you do want to hurt yourself.  You don't like the way your daughter's behaving but I'm assuming you love your daughter and you don't want to lose your temper with her and scare her or hurt her physically or emotionally.  And you don't wanna ruin your marriage, right?

Go get yourself some therapy  If money is an issue since you're not working right now, call the mental health board in your county and ask where you can get services on a sliding scale.  There is probably an agency near you that bases their fees on your income.

Talk to your PCP or make an appointment with a psychiatrist to talk about whether or not meds would help right now.

Go get help.  Depression is usually a pretty treatable condition.  You don't have to keep feeling this way.

View more of my photos at ObesityHelp.com          Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor.  Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me.  If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her.    Check out my blog.

 

LORI S.
on 7/26/11 9:25 am
Some of those emotions are expected after surgery. I certainly had/have those days also. I have a son (who is now 21) who treats me as his preverbial (sp) emotional punching bag. When things don't go the way he likes he thinks somewhere/somehow it's my fault. There is more to this story though. Bottom line is though, I would seek out therapy (how the person you saw before surgery? The one had to give you a release.) to help deal with those emotions. Before we could/would turn to food which is not an option now. I still struggle daily with certain emotions. If you have resources through a support group they can be a great help also. The worst thing you can do is nothing. Good Luck!
Cicerogirl, The PhD
Version

on 7/26/11 9:26 am - OH
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Hormones may be part of it, but it sounds like there is more going on.   I think you would benefit from talking to a counselor and perhaps some medication for depression and/or anxiety. 

Sometimes losing weight can bring up memories (and the associated emotions) of difficult situations or events from the past -- usually things that happened when you were a similar size on the way up in weight -- that you may not even be especially conscious of but may be contributing to the depression and anger. Also, several of my WLS clients with a history of abuse or assault have found that, as the weight came off they started to feel more vulnerable (the fat acts as a psychological protective barrier) and anger was the way it manifested itself until they realized what was going on.  Rage is usually an indicator that something significant is going on inside.

Lora

14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.

gabbyabby
on 7/26/11 10:35 am
I am so thankful that you are aware of how you feel. The ladies above hit all the right marks. Above all know that you are worth the effort and cost of counciling. We r all here for you.
kb2010
on 7/26/11 12:25 pm - CO
Thank you all for your quick and kind responses. I am working on setting up an appt with a counselor..she is a 5yr postop WLS patient as well. I have always had issues with control and controlling things around me and there is nothing more out of control that WLS and the aftereffects. I also think my teen's disrespect lately ha**** a big nerve. I was the obese person who believed that my fat gave others the right to treat me as sub-standard..like I was sorry for being fat and making them be around it. This almost 100lb loss has exposed my irritation with not being treated as a valuable human being and brought up alot of anger. My DH has been a rock for me and is worried but has given me the support to seek out help. OH people are livesavers when it comes to understanding..ty again!
    

HW:390   GW:170ish

       
poet_kelly
on 7/26/11 2:19 pm - OH
I'm glad to hear you'll be getting some help.  I hope things get better for you soon.

View more of my photos at ObesityHelp.com          Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor.  Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me.  If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her.    Check out my blog.

 

waitinggame
on 7/26/11 12:57 pm - Bowie, MD
Hi! First I want to thank you for your openness and honesty. It is terribly difficult to admit that we are acting in a way that is emotionally damging to those around us and in doing so you help others experiencing the same emotions know it is okay to share and seek out assistance.

I experienced the EXACT same thing you are back a few years. Very quick to anger--almost rage at times. My kids are younger, but boy can they push your buttons. I must say that there are definitely meds available that will help take the edge off the impatience and anger you are feeling. I'm not a fan of throwing meds at every problem, but having lived what you are going through, I can tell you it made a WORLD of difference when I got some anti-anxiety meds on board. I always say it was like someone refilled my patience tank. I could finally deal with all the litte annoyances that had previously angered me tremendously.

You have done such a phenomenal job with your weightloss. This is surely not the time to feel worthless. You are a wife and a mom and despite the fact that some days you don't feel it from her, very much needed by your daughter.

I hope things level out for you soon. It sucks to live in such emotional upheaval--believe me sweetie, I know.

Hang in there. Get to those appointments and things will work out for you.

Best to you,

Denise

Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun. 

RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane


                    ButterflyCenturyCard-5.gif picture by barbccrn

 

*6.5 lost preop

subacloud
on 7/26/11 1:28 pm
Yay!  You're getting counseling!  It's just the best thing in the world.  I am back in counseling and it is invaluable!

Many of us (I won't say all) have some really tough reasons that drove us to our highest weight.  Self-esteem issues, abuse issues, etc... Something drove us to overeat.  The food comforted us and we stayed in unhealthy relationships, let people cross our boundaries, didn't have boundaries.  Now, as we lose weight, we don't have food to medicate us anymore.  We realize that we are valuable and being mistreated is repugnant to us.  Good on you! 

I'm glad that makes you angry.  It should.  I LOVE that your anger is drawing you to seek a solution.  What strength you have.  It would be easy to stay angry and raging and just let people soft step around you.  Instead, you are choosing the higher path and seeking to heal what is hurting.  That speaks volumes about your character. 

Be sure to stick it out when it gets tough.  It's at that moment that you are on the brink of a solution!  Best wishes to you!

Subacloud               408/318/208/135   (HW/SW/CW/GW)

  

                                
Speak and do not keep silent.   

immafatgirl
on 7/26/11 2:36 pm - KY
i to have been experiences these feelings. its almost like resentment of some sort. i stay angry and im tense , just driving my car . (by myself) . i think its menopause.... but thats just a wild guess...
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