End of my rope....X-Post
It sounds like you're at the point where you really need to get some help. If you don't want to hurt yourself but also wouldn't care if anything happened to you, you might put yourself in danger (like driving too fast, not wearing your seatbelt, etc) or if it gets a little bit worse you might decide you do want to hurt yourself. You don't like the way your daughter's behaving but I'm assuming you love your daughter and you don't want to lose your temper with her and scare her or hurt her physically or emotionally. And you don't wanna ruin your marriage, right?
Go get yourself some therapy If money is an issue since you're not working right now, call the mental health board in your county and ask where you can get services on a sliding scale. There is probably an agency near you that bases their fees on your income.
Talk to your PCP or make an appointment with a psychiatrist to talk about whether or not meds would help right now.
Go get help. Depression is usually a pretty treatable condition. You don't have to keep feeling this way.
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Sometimes losing weight can bring up memories (and the associated emotions) of difficult situations or events from the past -- usually things that happened when you were a similar size on the way up in weight -- that you may not even be especially conscious of but may be contributing to the depression and anger. Also, several of my WLS clients with a history of abuse or assault have found that, as the weight came off they started to feel more vulnerable (the fat acts as a psychological protective barrier) and anger was the way it manifested itself until they realized what was going on. Rage is usually an indicator that something significant is going on inside.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I experienced the EXACT same thing you are back a few years. Very quick to anger--almost rage at times. My kids are younger, but boy can they push your buttons. I must say that there are definitely meds available that will help take the edge off the impatience and anger you are feeling. I'm not a fan of throwing meds at every problem, but having lived what you are going through, I can tell you it made a WORLD of difference when I got some anti-anxiety meds on board. I always say it was like someone refilled my patience tank. I could finally deal with all the litte annoyances that had previously angered me tremendously.
You have done such a phenomenal job with your weightloss. This is surely not the time to feel worthless. You are a wife and a mom and despite the fact that some days you don't feel it from her, very much needed by your daughter.
I hope things level out for you soon. It sucks to live in such emotional upheaval--believe me sweetie, I know.
Hang in there. Get to those appointments and things will work out for you.
Best to you,
Denise
Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.
RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!
Many of us (I won't say all) have some really tough reasons that drove us to our highest weight. Self-esteem issues, abuse issues, etc... Something drove us to overeat. The food comforted us and we stayed in unhealthy relationships, let people cross our boundaries, didn't have boundaries. Now, as we lose weight, we don't have food to medicate us anymore. We realize that we are valuable and being mistreated is repugnant to us. Good on you!
I'm glad that makes you angry. It should. I LOVE that your anger is drawing you to seek a solution. What strength you have. It would be easy to stay angry and raging and just let people soft step around you. Instead, you are choosing the higher path and seeking to heal what is hurting. That speaks volumes about your character.
Be sure to stick it out when it gets tough. It's at that moment that you are on the brink of a solution! Best wishes to you!
Subacloud 408/318/208/135 (HW/SW/CW/GW)
Speak and do not keep silent.