needing help guys please!

My mother WAS financing my surgery but now has decided I need to do this "on my own". She thinks all these years I haven't really trying or something. I'm 380 pounds and i have tried every diet under the stars. They all work the same, I loose 50 pounds and gain 70. She seems to think that I will have no quality of life. If only she knew I wasn't even living right now. I know if she ever had to walk a mile in my shoes she would have no problem helping me out. She has been under a size 10 her entire life, as if that wasn't painful enough as a teenager. I'm desperate here I don't know what to even say to her to convince her that I NEED this, I don't just want it. Help me out with some words to tell her please

 WoW! Sorry to hear that your mom changed her mind. I don't have any magic words for you to tell her,but maybe you could try taking her to a seminar (our hospitals here have them monthly) ..there is usually a Q&A session afterwards..you could also find a local support group and take her there to so that she can meet ppl who have had the surgery...or take her to an appointment with the surgeon and have the surgeon explain how you NEED this surgery and how your quality of life will improve.

Take her to an appointment with your surgeon.  He can explain why just "trying harder" to lose weight by dieting won't work for you, explain all the very serious health risks if you don't have surgery and answer any question she has about how your quality of life will be after surgery.

Suggest she come here to OH and read a little or ask any questions she has for people that have had surgery.  We could sure tell her about our quality of life before and after surgery.

((((StacyAnn)))),

My mother wasn't 'financing' my surgery, but was really worried about it and concerned. I chose a ASMBS Center of Excellence and while there are other good choices, there are a lot of good reasons to do this. It was with Duke University who has other diet programs that are very, very well know and well regarded. That said, the surgery program there is very active. There are many reasons for this, but primarily it is because of the long term weight loss maintenance the occurs with bariatric surgery. It is not 'fail safe' or 'full proof', but it is statistically much more successful. Other weight loss methods, statistically have a 3 to 5 percent success rate. This means that 5 years after losing the weight, only 3 to 5 percent of the patients have maintained that weight loss. See this link. At this time, the statistics are showing that approximately 80 percent of RNY gastric bypass patients maintain their loss. This is both exciting and sobering because it means you have an 80% chance that you'll lose it and keep it off and a 20% chance you won't. When very public figures, such as Carnie Wilson aren't able to maintain their loss it makes many think why risk it? Well, there are a number issues that need to be addressed. One of which is the behavior modification/psych component that cannot be underestimated, but using that alone would not be enough for me or many others. While you have the restriction and malabsorption pushing you forward in the first year or so, you will always have the restriction to help you. However, if you have underlying eating behavior issues you do not address and learn to manage, you can find that you will experience regain.  

Those were regain issues where a lot of what concerned my mother. Then everyone knows of someone who knows someone who had a nightmare. That can be true of any surgery and especially when you are not in the best of health when approaching surgery. 

I had my mother come with me to my appointments and welcomed her to ask any questions that concerned her. It really did help to alleviate her concerns and the strain that caused our relationship. Don't get me wrong, she was still worried. 

After I lost my weight, she said she was sooooo pleased for me and wished that she had done it herself when she had to opportunity.

It can be life changing, but it needs to entered into in a whole person program that will support your physical, dietary and psych needs as you lose the weight and learn new coping mechanisms. 

I hope that this helps some.

I agree with what everyone has written.  Let me tell you the points i learned that convinced me I had to do this.  Like you, most of my life my weight was up and down, but I always ended up heavier after my diet.  They say that 92% of all diets fail in terms of long term sustained weight loss.  But here are some points my surgeon told me.  I had a BMI of 48.  He showed me a longevity chart that showed only 2% of all men live past the age of 68 with my BMI level.  After I had the surgery and lost the normal amount of weight, I had a 98% less chance of a heart attack.  A 99% less chance of a stroke.  He also asked me how long I thought my knees would hold out or my hips.  Then the kicker.  If I got to my goal weight and stayed close to that, on average I would have added about 11 years to my expected life span.  Eleven years added to how long I will hopefully live!  I was like are you kidding me???  When do we start this?  When you start to think about things in those terms, you quickly realize that you will likely live a lot longer and be a lot healthier for the rest of your life.  Anyway, this is what made up my mind.  I have a hunch there are a lot of us on here that could tell you similar stories.  It's a no brainer to me, but it is a serious decision that you should not take lightly.  Your life and lifestyle will change forever and for the better!

also if u have insurance and they APPROVE to pay for their portion that my tell your mom that you need it. They won't pay for it if you don't qualify.

Thanks so much guys for your words! My mom is more open to the idea now after we had a long talk! We're meeting up tomorrow so I can show her some of the posts here on OH. Also, my insurance doesn't cover it so I'm full pay all by myself. Well with the loan from my mother of course.

If she doesn't know how hard you've worked in past years, she must not be paying attention!

Your weight loss history is the same as mine:  lose some, gain more.  We suffer from a real
live medical problem:  it's called Metabolic Syndrome.  It's what happens when we do yo-yo
dieting for years and years, and completely mess up our endocrine systems.

Our weight impacts our entire systems.  What co-morbidities do you have?  I had Diabetes II,
High Blood Pressure (uncontrolled w/meds), stress incontinence, pain in ankles, knees, and
hips.  I had to seriously decide how badly I needed to go to the bathroom before I got up out 
of my chair.  If you have any of these things, tell your mother and ask her how much longer
she wants you to suffer like this, because you aren't living, you are just surviving.

I strongly agree that having her go to a support group meeting or two will help to convince her.

My own mother was anti-WLS, but she passed away before I could undertake the arduous
task of changing her "OKie Stubborn" mind.  I do know that she would have been very glad
to see how my life has changed since the surgery.

If your mother won't fund you, do you have other options?  Can you do a loan or Credit card
for it? 

Wishing you the best.