I seriously need to get it together! (LONG)

Today was Day 1 of my pre-op diet. The result: HORRIBLE!

I really need to get myself together. I don't know why I'm sabotaging everything I've worked so hard for. I know gaining weight on my pre-op diet could cost me my surgery, but did that stop me from eating TWICE the calories I was supposed to today and make horrible food choices? Nope!

Part of the problem is the whole comfort factor that I've found in food for so long. I've been so incredibly stressed out lately. I have a 2 year old who could likely be having surgery next week to remove a quarter from her bowels if she hasn't passed it by then. I have 2 perfectly capable adults living in my house yet I'm the only one who seems to do anything around here. I'm feeling like I'm not going to have the help I thought I would have after my surgery. I've got school stressing me out, insurance issues at a VERY bad time, OH AND I'M HAVING SURGERY IN 10 DAYS!

Part of the issue is this is me wanting to say goodbye to all my old, unhealthy eating habits by partaking one last time. I had fried chicken for dinner last night knowing that today would be miserable with my two bites of food and my protein shakes. I also had potato salad, pasta salad, chips and dip and my favorite candy. Complete CARB fest! (Sorry, but I feel I must confess) I SHOULD have thrown whatever was left out with the garbage last night, but I didn't. So when the CARB/hunger/snack monster bit me after lunch, those bad foods are EXACTLY what I went to! I have GOT to get a grip on all of this! I know my RNY won't fix these head issues. So now I'm stressing that I'm going to sabotage myself after RNY too. I'm really hating myself right now.

On a whole other note, I got my new CPAP mask in the mail today. I was given a full face mask by the company that provided my machine, but I HAVE to have a nasal mask for after surgery. The good thing about the nasal mask is that it definitely gives me more freedom in choosing sleeping positions!

Think the fetal position is going to be the sleeping position of choice tonight. Hoping tomorrow is a better day. (Now I'm going to go throw out all the junk food in my house.)

Mrs. Dores,
That is scary about your daughter. As far as the capable adults, time for what my family calls the
cometoJesus meeting! Sit them down, get them on the same page and tell them you NEED them to put on their big boy/girl panties and H.E.L.P and not wait to be asked. If they are clueless, then you'll need to put it in writing and post it. I can't stand clutter but when I needed to, there were postings EVERYWHERE!

I know what you mean about saying goodbye to certain foods!

I just did a freak out about NSAIDS and am now questioning why at the 12th hour I didn't think about back pain, knee pain and headaches? WHY NOW?

Off to do more research, geez no time to backtrack

The good news is you know the issues, you JUST started the pre-op diet so you have the opportunity to fix it NOW!  (and that is what you absolutely HAVE to do is fix it now.) You can do it, but you have to commit to do it.  I agree with the previous poster, have the come to Jesus meeting with your family and talk about what is coming up and what YOU are going to need to be successful.  The possible surgery with your daughter certainly is going to cause you additional stress, so now is the time to work on how you are going to start working on dealing with that stress. Is there a support group in your area?  Try exercising...even if that means short, slow walks for now, journaling..whatever you need to do to work off stress and get away from the food.  YOU CAN DO THIS!  Starting is so hard.  I remember the first day of the pre-op diet, I was sure I would never make it, but I did.  You know what you did that was wrong, you made the choice to admit what the mistakes were..not only to yourself but out loud to all of us.  Now is your chance to change them.  Tomorrow is a new day and you will feel so good about yourself when you are successful at the end of the day!!!!! Good luck to you!

Okay, you need to get it together and you know it. Do not worry about guilt and the sabotaging yourself, just be sure you get help after surgery to deal with teh head issues, because indeed they won't go away. But do not worry about that now, just be sure you have psych help afterwards.

 for now: I will gently kick your behind and urge you to throw away all the junk and just start NOW with your protein shakes. They will be a huge part of your life anyway, so look up eggface for delish recipes with them, make protein icecream if you can stomach that better etc etc.

These per op diets are difficult but you HAVE to do them. If your liver does not shrink you run the risk of them opening you up and lcosing you again because they can't ereach it. But, what is more important: people who have followed their pre op diet and properly shrunk their liver, have significantly LOWER risks during surgery!  I am sure you want your risks to be as LOW as you can get them, for your families sake!!!

you can do it, if you need encourgament to get through these days, or a buddy to mail your menu to etc, just feel free to contact me. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

(mine i 10 mos ago and lost almost 150 pounds so far, life is so much better, and though I struggle with the head issues, it is aall so much easier then before surgery, trust me)

OK, today is the day that you are going to love and forgive yourself for what was done. Yesterday is G-O-N-E and thre is nothing that you can do about it, except not beat yourself up over it. Be kind to yourself. Ok, you made a wrong choice. Now, make this day a brank new day. Just keep in your mind the prize of having sugery and the assitance you will gain with your new tool towards your weight loss goal. Fogive your self and move along. I will say it with meaning this time PLEASE FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MOVE ALONG...this is your time in the sun. Embrace it.

I have a couple of suggestions for you.

First, you can't fix everything in one day.  So focus on the two most important things in YOUR life.  Your first priority is the pre-op diet and  the protein shakes for your food until surgery.  The second is your daughter.  Everything else can wait.  If the house is dirty, the laundry doesn't get done, or there isn't dinner for the others, they will learn to fend for themselves.  (A bit of tough love for them here!).  Simple dinners and Lean Quisine will be fine for a couple of weeks.

Second, call you primary care doc, and see if he can help you with some of the anxiety that you are having.   If you can clear your mind, your diet will be easier.

Take care

Stop hating yourself.  Just stop (if you can't, you need to get in some therapy).  It won't help.  Today is a new day and you can make it a better day.

Sit down, take a few deep breaths, and have a little talk with yourself.  What would you tell your little girl if she was older and getting ready to have WLS and having such a hard time?  I'm guessing you wouldn't hate her, right?  You'd tell her it was OK to make mistakes, that she was strong and she could do it.  And what else?

Throw out the junk food.  You don't need to say goodbye to all your favorites.  I know it feels like that, I think almost everyone does, but you aren't giving up the stuff you like forever.  You really aren't.  You're probably never gonna eat the volume of it you used to again, but you'll be able to eat some of almost everything again.  Just not for a little while.  Also, you're gonna learn to make all kinds of really yummy things that are good for you.  At least, you have the opportunity to learn that.  So you'll have some new favorites, too.

Stop babying the two adults in your home that aren't doing anything.  Just stop.  Tell them to do it, or don't do it if it's something that can be left undone.  I know sometimes you have to do it, if there are no clean dishes and you wanna eat something you might have to wash some, but quit doing it all.  If you're worried that they won't help after surgery, ask a friend to help.  Unless you have big complications, you won't really need a lot of help.  You'll be able to do lots of things yourself, you'll just be moving slowly and resting a lot.

I remember you posting about the insurance issues and of course I can't promise this because who knows with Medicaid (I have it, they are often unreasonable) but what should happens is that when  they get your stuff processed, your Medicaid should be retroactive to cover the surgery.  If they try to say it's not, you can argue that and if the very worst happened and they just would not cover it, the hospital would help you work out a payment plan and would end up writing off at least part of the bill.  I know that wouldn't be the ideal situation but it will work out somehow.  I understand why you'd be worried about it, but try to stop stressing about that right now and focus on your upcoming surgery.

Ok you know you made a boo boo. Now throw out the junk. Worry about your daughter first and foremost. As another poster said look up eggface's recipes for protein stuffies.

As for having other capable adults around, it is time to call a meeting ASAP and tell them YOU will NOT be doing everything. They need to do their part and help out. I had this discussion with the hubby before my surgery and he totally took up more than I had asked him to. He has been the rock I needed. So yes It does work, but you have to open your mouth and say something and not expect the others to read your mind.

Forgive yourself and get back on the horse! It will be good practice for the thousands of times you will have to do that after surgery.

Persistence not perfection- that's what this journey is about.

And do let the other adults know that you will no longer be doing their load- and then STOP doing it yourself! Again, good practice for the rest of your life, not just for after surgery.

This is about learning to give your own needs first. Because if you're not taking care of yourself, who is?

I'm on day 7 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet and it has gotten much easier for me...the first 3 days were the most difficult so hang in there!  Just because you messed up once doesn't mean you have to quit.  Just breathe..........and start over!  Don't beat yourself up any more-that's what pushes us back to the old habits.  Just remember 1 step at a  time, 1 minute at a time, 1 hour at a time &  before you know it it will be over!  YOU CAN DO THIS!