Assertiveness and personal boundary setting

As many of you may know from my ???????? thread and several other threads on the Main Forum, I have been having a dust-up with some of the negative influences on the board. The following is my last post on that thread:

"Okay, I have a confession to make!

I have been having a good time practicing setting my personal boundaries with the bullies here. Many people have trouble with knowing what their boundaries are, let alone with setting them. It takes a lot of work to learn assertiveness and how to respond rather than react.

I think healthy boundaries are essential to maintaining a sense of personal integrity, and that is often a central issue with us eating disordered folks.

Just ignoring or putting up with abuse doesn't work in our personal lives. Neither does attacking back on the same level. We must find a way to protect ourselves and our sense of self in a workable way. Overeating and other addictions are obviously not workable, so what is?

So I have been having a good time practicing not taking things personally and being calmly assertive over and over and over. The other guy isn't going to change, trust me, I have no illusions about that. But I can work with myself.

So thanks, especially to those who play without a full deck and cheaply, for giving me such great material to play with!

Thank you to all of you who have offered constructive support. One does find out who the true friends are in this journey.

I will now ignore the bullies and the negative, unless, of course, I don't. I may need to practice again!"

What do you think about workable personal boundaries? Are they important? Are they helpful?

I think practicing is just fine.  Assertiveness and setting boundaries is sure not something we just automatically know how to do.  And it's something I think will make a significant difference in our lives.

Totally agree as it is very very important to set these boundries and gain strength from caring for yourself. One time a great friend of mine said....."Be a good parent to yourself" Meaning.....you would NOT allow people to treat your child a in a negative way, then why do you let people treat you this way? Or being assertive when it comes to what your child needs is clearly good parenting....you will do what it takes to get the help that is needed for your child.....Well, same goes for you. You need to assert yourself to gain the help/attention/protection or whatever it is that you need - taking excellent care of yourself. Be a good parent to yourself. I have say, that i live by this rule......

Good thread and well put!

I don't even go to the main forum anymore...

I may have to rethink WLS if getting skinny means I will get *****y, entitled and negative...

I think KNOWING who I am makes the difference... I have been fat, but I have also been skinny.  I know who I am, and if no one else likes my perfect little world, then too bad for them.... they are missing out!  ;)

Anne, you are always so gracious and well spoken, I enjoy your postings!

Thanks, all of you, for your awesome support! It means a lot to me!

Anne, you are always so gracious and well spoken. Personal boundaries,
while uncomfortable to work with at first, are essential to my sanity and sense
of self.  I have oft been accused of being very pragmatic...which might suggest
that I would have no problems with setting boundaries.  Not so.  I work at it
all the time.  I'm just comfortable enough setting boundaries that I also feel
okay with judging when and where to move them.  After all, it's not a science
and there's no instruction manual.  Give it a try. Since they're your
boundaries, set them when and where you decide to fit your
comfort level. The only mistake you can make is letting someone
run over your boundaries...then you learn and try again.  You'll do
fine.