Post Ops: Making your Relationship Last

on 9/18/11 5:54 am
For Post Ops (and Pre Ops)....I know part of the success of your surgery is your support team.  With that in mind, my question is towards your significant other.

How did you include them in your journey?  What steps did you take to ensure your relationship stays in tack?  What are some challenges you faced together?

Right now, my guy is super supportive.  He sees that my weight loss journey is a goal we are working on together.  He has changed his cooking habits at home, we walk after we eat, we have cut down on eating out.

I have heard those strong relationships just get strong with WLS while those weak relationships gets weaker. As I work on changing my habits, I want to make sure I nuture this relationship thru the process. 
Carla M.
on 9/18/11 6:01 am
RNY on 02/21/11 with

Hmmm...I never really thought about it. He is included in the process because I complain to him daily. LOL! On a serious note...we didn't change anything before or after. I'm just still me and he's still him. I think the only thing that I did consciously is to try not to focus too much on my surgery. I had some issues that lasted for months, but I would tell him to eat before we got together so he wouldn't feel bad about my not being able to eat the fast food he likes. We've always been active together (hiking, walking, riding bikes, etc) and our ccommunication has always been awesome. I think that that is why we have done so great.

Our only challenge is my not feeling well a lot. I've had bad ulcers, strictures, etc that effected the amount of food and protein that I could take in, so he's had to deal with a weaker, yuckier me. Well, that and LOTS of hospital stays. It's getting much better now that I'm feeling better.

on 9/18/11 6:30 am - OH
How did I include him in my journey?

I talked to him about the stuff I learned before surgery and continue to talk to him about new stuff I learn now, but in kind of small portions at a time.  Surprisingly enough, he does not really share my fascination with vitamins and stuff like that.  He came to one of my pre op appointments with me, was at the hospital the day I had surgery, and came to one or two post op appointments as well.  I made sure to find answers to any questions he had about RNY.

What steps did I take to ensure our relationship stays intact?

Um... nothing beyond what I always do.  I try to make sure we spend time together, doing things we enjoy.  I try to make sure we talk about stuff and I am open and honest.  I try to do things I know he likes sometimes, like fixing his favorite dinner even if it's not my favorite.  I did those things long before I ever considered having WLS and continue to do them now, three months after surgery.

What are some challenges we faced together?

I had some complications after surgery.  I developed a very severe case of pneumonia and he was there beside me the whole time.  When I was discharged from the hospital I was still pretty weak and he had to do a lot of stuff for me.  I don't know how I would have made it through that time without him.  I do most of the cooking but together we found healthy meals that we both enjoy.  Sometimes we go for walks together although we really ought to do that a lot more often.

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Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor.  Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me.  If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her.    Check out my blog.


on 9/18/11 6:48 am, edited 9/17/11 6:49 pm
He is part of my journey because he has been for 15 yrs and we are all each other have had,,LOL,,

i try to maintain our normal relations,talks and walks,,i stil cook his meals without temptation to myself mostly cause he eats later then i so no matter what yummy thing he is getting i am full and feel no desire to taste it,I make him his favorite deserts i find it a *****alenging mostly cause i am not tasting testing,,so i am never sure exactly how it came out but he never complains so i imagine they have been ok,,

the big problem i am having is my mood swings,,i never thought this far out in age i would be troubled by hormones but it is an issue non the less,,i have had to catch myself many times and locate a rock to crawl under,,knowing there was no reason for my misplaced anger,,,poor thing,,he has already gone thru one menopause with me,,,this too i imagine will pass.
on 9/18/11 8:10 am - RI
RNY on 01/16/12
I am a pre-op.  My Dh comes with me to all my appts.  and all my support group meetings.  He is very supportive.  He has asked me if I will find someone else when I get thin.  I know he is kidding but it aggravates me to no end.  I wont get any smaller than I was when we met,

We have been together for 20 years I feel we have a very strong relationship. I see us just getting better.  But on occasion when he askes me that question will I leave.  I tell him no leaving would be to much work.  Just going to have an  Then I say ask a stupid question get a stupid answer.

Starting weight 369

on 9/18/11 8:13 am - Germantown, MD
 Good post - I'm always into introspection....

How did you include them in your journey?
My husband was on-board with this from the beginning. He stayed with me in the hospital immediately post op too! He comes with me to my in-person support groups.... Just as I go with him to his IBD support groups.

What steps did you take to ensure your relationship stays intact? 
We talk alot, check-in with each other about the health of our relationship and take time for each other. I made a choice of not seeing clients on Sundays so at least that's one day that we can consistently spend time with each other without any other distractions (though when money calls, sometimes that choice goes the way of the Dodo). Me having more confidence certainly helps in the (ahem) romance department, which strengthens our bond.

What are some challenges you faced together?
We've faced alot of challenges together. He was diagnosed with IBD when we'd only been dating a couple months and I stuck it out with him thru his hospitalization. We've had family drama, I'd been very sick with an abscess a few months into our marriage, financial stuff, getting married, buying a house, starting my private practice,  losses.... And currently he's having a relapse of Ulcerative Colitis. We tend to view the stressors as external and that helps us have perspective - and to not create internal drama!

First ultra: Stone Mill 50 miler 11/15/14 13:44:38, First Full Marathon: Marine Corps 10/27/13 4:57:11Half Marathon PR 2:04:43 at Shamrock VA Beach Half-Marathon, 12/2/12 First Half-Marathon 2:32:47, 5K PR  Run Under the Lights 5K 27:23 on 11/23/13, 10K PR 52:53 Pike's Peek 10K 4/21/13(1st timed run) Accumen 8K 51:09 10/14/12.


Mary Catherine
on 9/18/11 8:15 am
 Before surgery, I had 20 years of diabetes.  I was used to cooking our meals and serving myself only the low carb, high protein portions.  I was used to cooking foods and baking desserts that were for others but off-limits to me.  He would have spaghetti and meatballs, salad, garlic bread and apple pie.  I would have salad, meatballs, and an apple.

The only real change for me after surgery was that now the high protein, low carb eating actually resulted in weight loss.  He was happy for me when I lost weight, but his life never changed because of my surgery.

on 9/18/11 8:54 am - OH
This was really nice to read! I'm scheduled for surgery on the 27th. My boyfriend/best friend is deployed right now in the Middle-East with the Army. I'm lucky that I have a strong supportive man in my life. He will not be present during my surgery and through most of my recovery time. But you can believe he will be there with me for every step. His friend had RNY a couple years ago so he is pretty knowledgeable about the procedure. I keep him updated on everything that's going on. When I started sampling different protein shakes he asked that I send him some protein so that he can drink them also with me.

I can't wait for him to come home in March so that he can be included in so much more.

on 9/18/11 4:22 pm - Mesa, AZ
 My hubby went with me to every appt and support group meeting.  He was there at the hospital after my surgery and the couple days I was there, even though I couldnt stay awake.  The one bad thing was that he ate pizza in front of me when all I could have was shakes and was very hungry and feeling sorry for myself. I glared at him while he ate.. lol.  But now that Ive learned I can have more than just shakes Im over it.  Im only 2 weeks out but the first week was heck!

He is thinking of getting the rny himself, so that is a good thing.  

HW: 314 SW: 297 CW:166