Need to vent

Stacy4442
on 11/6/11 5:55 am
My mom had RNY last Monday.  She has been home since Wednesday and I am going crazy with her!  She will not drink, she will not walk, and she has not gotten dressed since she got home.  She keeps complaining about the pain and I tell her that she needs to move more and she tells me that I am wrong.  (Did I mention that I have ten years experience as a med/surg nurse.  I know a thing or two about abdominal surgeries)  She sees the doctor again on Wed and I don't know if I will be able to go with her.   I am so frustrated.  On top of that, my dad had his shoulder replaced two weeks ago so I am caring for him as well.  AND, my intelligent ex decided to teach my seven year old to shoot a gun and bought him a pocketknife.  This is my child who has an anxiety disorder and has already threatened kids at school.  I need a drink!  Instead, I have been gorging on sugar which is making me feel physically ill on top of the stress.  

I know that I cannot control my mom's recovery and I cannot force her to do the right things but I can still be frustrated.  As for the ex.....who knows.  I think its time to call a lawyer on that one. 

Thanks for listening (reading.)  And here's to a better tomorrow.
        
Debra P.
on 11/6/11 6:00 am - CA
VSG on 03/15/12
 WOW... maybe your kid can accidently shoot dad in the arse!!!... just a thought.
Don't let mom get you upset, she will learn the hard way... let her.

   
   

Stacy4442
on 11/6/11 6:02 am
I had that thought--about the ex.  But I didn't want to say it out loud.  Thanks.  One can only hope....
        
nfarris79
on 11/6/11 6:04 am - Germantown, MD
 Stacy, I'm so sorry you're going thru all that. Remember how you'd deal with your mother if she were your patient - if she's gonna be noncompliant (e.g. not walking even though her surgeon probably told her to do so ad nauseum), it's not your fault that she's not listening to you. And with the ex, yeah I'd get a lawyer - hopefully he'd listen to a professional or  a judge telling him that 7 may be a bit too young to be handling potentially lethal weapons. At the very least, not while one parent is distracted with many other life-stressors. Sugar is not going to be your friend at this moment - try using some of the healthier coping skills. Maybe, like getting to talk to real friends, not the box of cookies. Or the bottle of rum. 

First ultra: Stone Mill 50 miler 11/15/14 13:44:38, First Full Marathon: Marine Corps 10/27/13 4:57:11Half Marathon PR 2:04:43 at Shamrock VA Beach Half-Marathon, 12/2/12 First Half-Marathon 2:32:47, 5K PR  Run Under the Lights 5K 27:23 on 11/23/13, 10K PR 52:53 Pike's Peek 10K 4/21/13(1st timed run) Accumen 8K 51:09 10/14/12.

     
 

DebsGiz
on 11/6/11 6:42 am - FL

Hi Stacy,

All the answers to your frustration are aready in your post.  You're a very enlightened and smart lady, so the only thing I can do to possibly help and support is send you a big sloppy hug.

Hugs to you my friend... 
Paula F.
on 11/6/11 6:44 am - Rochester Hills , MI
So sorry for all of your problems and for what you and your mom are dealing with.  Perhaps you could call your mom's RD or NUT and they could talk on the phone?  Your mom needs to remember how easy it is to get dehydrated and end up back in the hospital.  Perhaps she is in the 'buyer's remorse' phase that hits so many people and she is realizing she can turn to food right now for comfort.  That can be so hard for some people to deal with.  As for the walking, perhaps the doc or nurse can remind her that she is prone to blood clots if she doesn't get up and moving and that her habits now will affect how well she does in the long run.  She may even need some therapy if she continues this way and doesn't realize that the surg is just a tool and won't do it all for her.

At the very least, I hope she joins us here and can get some motivation between the folks here and at her support group meetings.  You should go to her meetings with her too, if at all possible.

I don't know if you had surgery too, but either way, please don't turn to sugar and alcohol.  You are a smart woman and already know that neither of them are your friend.  Perhaps you could run it out on a treadmill for 15min or so a day?  Perhaps ask your ex to do a little boxing workout with you.  It would be legal and relieve some of the stress ;o)  Better than shooting him in the buns, but I sure understand the urge.

I sure hope you are all over the hump soon and that things start to straighten themselves out.

I wish you the best and you know you can always talk to us,
Paula
poet_kelly
on 11/6/11 7:20 am - OH
Sure, you can still be frustrated.

It might help you to stop suggesting she walk or drink or anything, though.  Just let her do her thing.  If she complains of pain, just say "I'm sorry to hear that" and go on with whatever you're doing.  If she asks for your advice, give it to her, but otherwise, what's the point in telling her what she needs to be doing because she's apparently not going to listen anyway?

I'm sure the doctor will tell her the same things on Wed.  Unless she ends up being seen in the ER sooner than that for dehydration.

And yeah, I would consider talking to an attorney about the ex.  Good grief.  Does he have court ordered visitation?  And it's unsupervised visitation?

View more of my photos at ObesityHelp.com          Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor.  Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me.  If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her.    Check out my blog.

 

Stacy4442
on 11/6/11 10:40 am
Thanks, everyone.  You guys are great. 
        
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