1 year surgiversary! The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (bold pics!)

Hi there!

Today is my 1 year anniversary. I got my RNY nov 15th 2010 in the Netherlands where I live.

I lost about 150 pounds. My BMI went from 55 to 33 (approx)

My clothing size went from 60 to 44 (european sizing)

My fat % went from 52 to 34%

I hover around 100 kilograms since 3 months now, sometimes over, sometimes under. I think I am at the end of my rainbow here and probably done losing. At BMI 33 not bad but also not great. I would have liked to lose more but I do not know if that is feasable, especially the way I am struggling now.

Old patterns come back to haunt me and I struggle somtimes. I am eating too many carbs and I know it; and even now I am still eating very little carbs compared to my fellow dutch WLSers, we eat a LOT of carbs here! I am trying to do low carb and sugarfree but struggle with it. I do sometimes fall back into bad emotional eating and it upsets me, because I am so terrified of gaining it all back! It is not very easy to be the only one in this country doing sugarfree and low carb ;-)

I know my pitfalls and I find myself debatling in my head sometimes, for example:

I feel crappy, tired, sad or whatever en get the urge to  EAT. I tell myself in my mind: So, are you hungry? No I am not. So what is it you need in stead of food? is it consolation, company, stress relief, what?

Just an example of how I constantly debate with myself. It helps, it is good to be aware of mindless emotional eating this way but it can be quite tiring :-)

I have some more struggles. My skin is flabby but not bad enough to be covered by insurance. I do have some  bad skin irritation for which I will consult a plastic surgeon to inquire about a tummy tuck.

I sometimes (almost) FAINT if I get up from a hot bath. I am guessing this is low blood pressure (had it measured this morning and was normal at 120-67)

I feel quite tired but I am not a winter person and this time of year falls heavy upon me. One year ago I had my surgery, but 2 weeks after my surgery, my father died. So this month I am playing that movie over and over in my head and I miss him more than ever. I also worry about my mom but let's not get into that, or I need 2000 more lines LOL

I have no REGRETS however! DS might have been a good choice for me but was unavailable for me last year. No use remeniscing over would-it-have-been-better.  And it has many downsides as well so I am happy with my choice and will live with it and make the best of it!

I am much fitter, more active as a mom and wife and I love spinning and ZUMBA! I do things I never did before and I love nice clothes and shoes! My husband an I are coming to Las vegas in februari to renew our vows; since he has a 'new wife' we want to renew the vows and buy a new ring :-) :-)

Summing up: Great result so far, no regrets, certainly no golden rainbow either, especially at this end of a year. Struggle starts NOW and if any of you have ADVICE for me how to keep it off and beat the demons, let me know!!! (we do not have support groups in this country, almost none)

My focus for next year will be: maintain this weight and if at all possible lose some more. Try to build a STABLE healhty regime in which I make good choiceds for myself. low Carb, high Protein, good supplementing, moderate exercising. Nothing to extreme or I will just jojo back if I can not keep it up. I want to try to make my life now a life I can maintain forever.

I supplement 200% rda multi, chewable iron every other day, B12 sublingual every other day, and calciumcitrate every day. this is WAY more than my dutch fellow WLSers who are advised to just start with a multi. I learned on here that I should take more. I love calcet creamy bites but importing them is costing me an arm and a leg ;-)

I had my full bloodwork done this morning with my PCP so will have results shortly

Thanks for all your support. I realize my 1 year story is not the most cheerful, but I do feel a bit deflated today, just thinking back of last year and all. I am terrified of getting back to this chick below here on the picture. She looks unhappy. I am struggling with things and hope you guys have good tips for me.

And now picture time!

Thanks for sharing your story and pics. I have the same body type as you. How much did you weigh in lbs pre op and what do you weigh in lbs now? You look GREAT

I started out at 365 LBS and weigh now about 217 (hovering between 215 and 220)

 Congratulations -- great work!  I'm only 4 weeks out so I can't give you an advice except after all you've been thru I bet deep down you know the answers already.  It'll never be easy, but it will be worth it (right?)!

 Congratulations on your 1 year.  I think you are doing really well. 

You may not be at your goal but was your goal too aggressive for 1 year?  Don't give up and think all weight loss is complete.  You know how to do this - do you need to change your exercise routine? It is good that you recognize bad eating habits.

I am only 1 week out so I see your weight loss as amazing.  Hang in there and get a really big shiny new wedding ring!! 

Nancy

I am sorry you lost your dad and missing him overshadows this past year of change. I believe your dad is with you every step of the way on your journey to a healthier, happier you. I know that to a lot of people this is no consolation but I hope you can see that he is indeed with you.

I love the idea of renewing your vows with your husband. My husband always says "I married you once isn't that enough." I know he loves me in his own way but you two sound like a couple of romantic love birds. Congratulations on your weight loss and wishing you continued success. Sending you warm thoughts and strength...