what nobdy warned me about
when will my head catch up with my body? when will i be content with what i see in the mirror? it turns out that i missed out on my teenage years due to PCOS and morbid obesity and now that im 175 pounds im seeking attention like crazy. Every where i go i want guys to be there so maybe i get complimented. i constantly deny ppl when they tell me i look good. i only look good because before i looked terrible and now i look better. but if i was never MO then theyd never compliment me now.
im 22 and have an amazing guy who's stuck by me from 283 to 175 and beyond. but that doesnt stop my need for attention and validation from other guys. i thought i was strong. being 19 and sick and then choosing to undergo surgery made me tough. but now im a weak scared little girl who doesnt know the person in the mirror. im sorry for the rant but i just want to get other opinions, maybe similar stories.
thanks in advance..and ps..i currently am in therapy working through this all.
im 22 and have an amazing guy who's stuck by me from 283 to 175 and beyond. but that doesnt stop my need for attention and validation from other guys. i thought i was strong. being 19 and sick and then choosing to undergo surgery made me tough. but now im a weak scared little girl who doesnt know the person in the mirror. im sorry for the rant but i just want to get other opinions, maybe similar stories.
thanks in advance..and ps..i currently am in therapy working through this all.
You are not alone in your need/desire for attention from the opposite sex. Give yourself a break! After years of being overlooked/invisible why wouldn't you enjoy the attention? Especially at your age.
I definitely, thinks it's a good idea that you're in therapy for this because it's possible for you to escalate in to really unhealthy/destructive behaviors.
I definitely, thinks it's a good idea that you're in therapy for this because it's possible for you to escalate in to really unhealthy/destructive behaviors.
Hey you...your post really hurt my heart. I haven't had my surgery yet but I have struggled for years with the person I will be when I am not the fat girl anymore and if I will like her, if other people will like her. You are young and have been given a gift. You are beautiful and you have so much life left to live that you need to live it happily. I am glad you're getting therapy, I am sure that will help you feel better. You're young and eventually you'll see the light that you're the only opinion or validation needed. It sucks that people didn't get to know you before when you were big and now they may be paying more attention but really isn't this just that now your outside has caught up with your the beautiful person you are on the inside. Sadly society isn't mature enough as a whole to have caught on that the inside is, was and will always be what's most important. Keep your chin up, kiddo!
You took the right fist step by saying outloud how you feel. It does take a lot of head work to play catch up. Are YOU satisfied with how you look & feel? Those of us who have been MO for a long time typically have self esteem issues...you could be trying to build yours up by seeking attention. Please be careful...this could cross the line into "cross addiction territory" Do you have access to a therapist, support group? Be kind to yourself, and get some outside help.
We look for validation in others when we can not provide it to ourselves, either because we don't try to give it to ourselves, or because we have so damaged our relationship to our self image that we feel we can not trust ourselves. It can be hard to get there, but it's the only way to feel better - the upside is, that if you can improve your self image you will probably be more successful in the long run - in weight loss and other things too.
I have found a number of things helpful in starting this journey myself. I used to be a big purpotrator of negative self talk. I used to beat up on myself and criticize my willpower, my body, my weakness, my core sense of self. One day i realized that if I saw someone on the street talking to someone else the way that I talked to myself that I would A.) absolutely assume that there was a very abusive relationship between those two people, and B.) absolutely intervene in defense of the person receiving that kind of abuse.
I clued into the idea that that critical self talk was just an internal mimicking of all the hate I'd ever gotten from other people, and that by engaging in it, I was just undermining myself. I was keeping myself stuck. I decided to stop it. I resolved that from that part forward I would talk to myself like I would talk to my very best friend when they were in need of support.
It worked. The change came really quickly, it was a lot easier to just stop doing it than I thought it would be. It didn't fix everything, of course, but it helped my tryst my own intentions better. Over time, it has helped me gain more power to talk to, and listen to myself. Of course it has! Who trusts or wants to listen to a jerk that's constantly debasing and abusing you?
Second, I started to meditate. This is helpful for all sorts of reasons, but for this, there is one kind of meditation that is especially helpful. Lovingkindness, or metta meditation really helped me start to redevelop my compassionate self for myself, and deepened it for others too. You don't have to get deep into meditation to get value from this kind of thing, and there are lots of free resources online. Search "guided lovingkindness meditation" and you will find many options for you to try. My favorite is Jon Kabat Zinn's (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM62BO640o8).
Give them a try.... you've spent a lot of years practicing hating on yourself. It is going to take active practice to let you learn to love and trust yourself again.
Edited to add, after further thought: The one great thing is that this is one place where being 22 is a HUGE benefit to you. You have had less time to entrench yourself into negative self behaviours, than somebody like me that is edging 40 and has had eighteen extra years of practicing them to undo. While you no doubt have them, and struggle with them just as hard and painfully as the rest of us, you will probably be in a better position to reverse the behaviours. Your brain chemistry is still fresh and malleable. Changing your neural pathways, your behaviour patterns and your mental model of yourself in your early 20's is a quicker, better facilitated task than it is later in your life. Kinda like your skin, which has better elasticity and could bounce back with more success than someone carrying weight for 40 years. being 19 and choosing WLS made you tough. Being 22 and choosing to work on your self image will prove you resilliant, too. :)
Best,
~Mo
I have found a number of things helpful in starting this journey myself. I used to be a big purpotrator of negative self talk. I used to beat up on myself and criticize my willpower, my body, my weakness, my core sense of self. One day i realized that if I saw someone on the street talking to someone else the way that I talked to myself that I would A.) absolutely assume that there was a very abusive relationship between those two people, and B.) absolutely intervene in defense of the person receiving that kind of abuse.
I clued into the idea that that critical self talk was just an internal mimicking of all the hate I'd ever gotten from other people, and that by engaging in it, I was just undermining myself. I was keeping myself stuck. I decided to stop it. I resolved that from that part forward I would talk to myself like I would talk to my very best friend when they were in need of support.
It worked. The change came really quickly, it was a lot easier to just stop doing it than I thought it would be. It didn't fix everything, of course, but it helped my tryst my own intentions better. Over time, it has helped me gain more power to talk to, and listen to myself. Of course it has! Who trusts or wants to listen to a jerk that's constantly debasing and abusing you?
Second, I started to meditate. This is helpful for all sorts of reasons, but for this, there is one kind of meditation that is especially helpful. Lovingkindness, or metta meditation really helped me start to redevelop my compassionate self for myself, and deepened it for others too. You don't have to get deep into meditation to get value from this kind of thing, and there are lots of free resources online. Search "guided lovingkindness meditation" and you will find many options for you to try. My favorite is Jon Kabat Zinn's (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM62BO640o8).
Give them a try.... you've spent a lot of years practicing hating on yourself. It is going to take active practice to let you learn to love and trust yourself again.
Edited to add, after further thought: The one great thing is that this is one place where being 22 is a HUGE benefit to you. You have had less time to entrench yourself into negative self behaviours, than somebody like me that is edging 40 and has had eighteen extra years of practicing them to undo. While you no doubt have them, and struggle with them just as hard and painfully as the rest of us, you will probably be in a better position to reverse the behaviours. Your brain chemistry is still fresh and malleable. Changing your neural pathways, your behaviour patterns and your mental model of yourself in your early 20's is a quicker, better facilitated task than it is later in your life. Kinda like your skin, which has better elasticity and could bounce back with more success than someone carrying weight for 40 years. being 19 and choosing WLS made you tough. Being 22 and choosing to work on your self image will prove you resilliant, too. :)
Best,
~Mo
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