DePrEssED. i wAnT A LiFe ThaTs All

ok. heres my dilemma and vent  post. i am 45 years old. this WLS is something i did so i could have a life. i have taken care of everyone and i just want a lil piece of life now . i am a cheuffer, a maid, a babysitter . im fixing to go back to school in jan. i lost my job when i got limes disease and lost everything. i got sick and got heavy . blood pressure about killed my big but..but now that im home . my parents want me to run them or sit with them every other day. my daughter has me getting my grandson off the bus and on every day . my bf things i should keep his clothes clean and have a meal cooked by a certain time every day . he works 3rd shift (hes to tired) we also have 2 dogs in this house and i have to dog sit and walk and feed and water . . everytime ppl need anything . im always there. but i dont even get time to exercise or sleep very well. im up at 5 am each morning and my days begins making everybody happy but me. but its like nobody is listening. all my body parts are falling to the floor and my body aches when i dont exercise. am i being selfish? a crybaby? when can i get a turn. ?I am getting very depressed . i enjoy exercising and i cant even do it . thats not right ....

I say you wait till you start pms'ing..then go off on them and let them have it like some crazed..*itch. LOL You do need your time. As far as your bf..if he thinks his clothes should be kept clean and his meals fixed at a certain time maybe he should do it himself! Sorry but this aint the 50's. It's wonderful all the things you are doing for everyone but you need to schedule some time for yourself. PERIOD. Tell them point blank. Something has got to give because you are going to get back into some sort of way you can get your excercise in and do what you need to do to be healthy and feel better. Because after all before long if you dont you wont be able to help them anylonger either cus you will be so far down. Just my opinion. Hope helps.

i try to explain it, they just look past me . like my time is not valuable.
i catch myself sitting back and not doing anything to help myself along and thats not fair to me. my mom only wants me to drive her because i make her more comfy. my daughter claims she does not want anyone else to keep her 8 yr old son. i could go on and on. but im so bored with my life right now. i love everybody but dang!!

Their response doesn't matter. Tell your daughter you can't get her son on the bus, and then don't be home the next day when she comes to drop him off anyway. Tell your BF you will cook on these days and he can have leftovers or cook himself the others. If he gets cranky re-evaluate your priorities with him. Tell your mom you would love to help her on (Tuesdays, for ex) but unfortunately other days are getting crowded. And then get up early and go somewhere. If they call let it go to voicemail - you can get emergency messages but not be caught up in their everyday drama.

Time to step up and take are of you! "Loving" people does not mean you cater to their every whim. What about loving you?


HAHA I just read M. cortez post and these are awful close. We must be on to something, hey?

HAHAHA yes, i have friends that have gone through this and that has been my advice to them... its time to start loving your self!!! i my self have gone throught it at a smaller scale. and i am not going back!!!lol..

IM SORRY BUT YOU NEED O LEARN HOW TO SAY NO, THIS SURGERY GAVE YOU A CHANCE AT A NEW LIFE, A NEW BEGINING THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO LIVE AGAIN. WHY ARE YOU WASTING IT DOING THINGS FOR EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOUR SELF.. FIRST OF ALL GIVE THE DOGS AWAY TO A LOVING PERSON WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF THEM.. TELL YOUR DAUGHTER NO I WONT TAKE MY GRANDSON TO THE BUS I WILL ONLY DO IT IN CASE OF EMERGENCY FIND A BABYSITTER WHO IS ABLE TO DO THAT FOR YOU..TELL HER YOU ARE GIVING HER 2 WEEKS TO DO IT, HE SHE DOESNT FIND SOMEONE AFTER DOES 2 WEEKS THEN DONT TAKE HIM TO THE BUS AND LET HIM MISS SCHOOL SO THAT SHE CAN SEE HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE(DONT FORGET TO MENTION HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND YOUR GRANDSON BUT RIGHT NOW YOU ARE GOING THRU A HUGE CHANGE AND YOU NEED TIME FOR YOUR SELF).
AS FOR YOUR PARENTS..TELL THEM STRAIGH UP TOO.." MOM & DAD IM ONLY GOING TO COME AND SEE YOU 2 DAYS A WEEK .. SO SET UP ALL YOUR APPOINMETS FOR THOSE DAYS ONLY.. IF YOU NEED TO GO SHOPPING GO TO THE DENTIST, SEE THE DR MAKE SURE IS ON THOSE 2 DAYS THAT I CAN COME OVER AND HELP YOU..I WILL CALL YOU TO SEE HOW YOU ARE EVERYDAY IF   I CAN, BUT I WILLL NOT BE COMING OVER UNLESS ITS AN EMERGENCY..AN EMERGENCY MEANS IS SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR HEALTH.."
AS FOR THE BF TELL HIM YOU ONLY DO LAUNDRY ON FRIDAY OR SUNDAY(WHICHEVER DAY IS BEST FOR YOU, MAYBE ONE OF THOSE DAY THAT YOUR DRIVING YOUR PARENTS AROUND) AND NOT ON ANY OTHER DAY...AS FOR MEALS TELL HIM THAT YOU ONLY COOK 5 DAYS A WEEK AND THAT WEEKENDS IS TAKE OUT.. THERE IS NO COOKING ON WEEKENDS.. TELL HIM ITS A SIN...
THIS IS YOUR NEW CHANCE DONT WASTE IT....LIVE , LIVE , LIVE , LIVE AND ENJOY MORE  THE NEW WONDERFUL YOU.. GIVE HER A CHANCE TO COME OUT AND LIVE LIFE, DONT BURY HER EVEN DEEPER.. GOOD LUCK!!

IF THEY STILL DONT GET IT.. THEN SMACK THEM AROUND .. WELL THE BF AND THE DAUGHTER ANYWAY AND MAKE THEM GET IT!!

 Hi first is kick your lazy boyfriend to the curb you are not his maid. If he can't help with anything
get rid of him. You need to find somebody whom with help you and not be lazy. Tell your daught she needs to get her own child off the bus. Also your parents need to get a life. 
You need a new life. You are going back to school good for you.

So all these things and people are more important that YOUR recovery?

LJ1972 and MCortez have said it right.  It's no sin to put yourself first. 

I paid a counselor $130 an hour for a long time to convince me it is OK to set boundaries.  It is OK if people get their feelings hurt or get angry. They will get over it.

I did all this lovingly and my Mom and Brother did not know how to react at first. But, in time our relationship improved and I learned how to express my feelings without feeling guilty (the first time or two I thought I would be zapped with a bolt of lightening).

In order to be physically, mentally, and spiritually fulfilled we have to take time for ourselves.  If not, in the long run, you will not be able to help them anyway.  They will be taking care of you.

Good luck. Set those boundaries, howere that looks for you.  You may have to make one change at a time instead of all at once.

Keep us posted.  We're in your corner.