Wife said I change since surgery

on 2/20/12 2:59 am
Whats up with that?  She said I don't care about nothing!  ITs not that I don't care it s just that I want to enjoy life and not worry about bills, arguments, and feeling sad.  You know food is not on my mind anymore so I don't think or worry about anything.
on 2/20/12 3:20 am - CA
 You've had a change in your priorities and she has not.  I don't know your wife but perhaps you just need to sit and talk about the changes that you've experienced and how it's affecting you. Then let her tell you what she see's is different and how that is affecting her.  Or you might want to let her go first.  Sounds like marrage counseling stuff doesn't it.  Well I guess in a way it is.  

I have 50 days to my Op so thanks for letting me know one of the problem I might encounter. Good luck FB2
on 2/20/12 3:49 am
You are right.  My priorities have changed. Even though I am far out.  I still can't sit down and eat like I used too.  I used to plan eating parties.  I can't wait until Fri so I can fry fish and eat to the cows come home.  Now, it is rest and no worries for me.  I t is just tough to want to be peaceful and free of all problems.
on 2/20/12 4:14 am - IA
I've had people that say I have changed. The worst was when my best friend of 20+ years told me I had. She said I'm more outspoken and stand up for myself more. How is that a bad change. Needless to say, we are no longer friends and have not spoken in quite awhile. When the people we thought would support us the most, actually do not...it's painful. But...we had surgery for ourselves. Not to please anyone else. So, if your wife says you have changed, so be it. Maybe she just needs to catch up with your changes. Life is too short to do nothing but worry and fret about stuff. Focus on you and your health, but still make sure you are showing your wife the same affection you did before the surgery. Sadly, the focal point of get together's all focus on food. Now you need that same focus on being a healthier you. Maybe your wife is insecure about the changes she is seeing in you and is intimidated by that. Maybe she's worried you're going to turn out to be this super hot chic magnet
on 2/20/12 4:41 am - DE
totally agree with above. /\
on 2/20/12 5:32 am, edited 2/20/12 5:34 am - CA
Missie74:   I'd hate to see you lose a friend of 20+ years because she can't keep up with the new you. Send her an olive branch now and again, even if it is just a birthday card. Perhaps she'll come around.  After all I know that being fat, and I still am, I tended to try not to standout in someways. Now your turning into Alpha female.  You do not need her but 20 years of friendship is a lot. Unless she was overbearing or deaming then pffft she's not worth your time.

FB2: Work with her some but enjoy your life, none of us want to end up near the end and find out we're a miserable old Scrooge.

Best of luck, Al
on 2/21/12 12:25 am
Wow- I have been told the same thing by my daughter....she wants her fat lovable mom back she has told me. I am the same person just thin and I have energy and my social life also does not revolve around food. Although this isn't always easy to do. I still go out to eat with my boyfriend and with my girlfriends I just don't eat much and I will take home most of what I eat. I was told all I cared about was clothes...but it's been soooooooooooo long since I could enjoy clothes like I do now....I have lost 110 lbs went from a 24 to a 8....of course I enjoy clothes shopping. It may stem for the fat that I wear a smaller size than her and she sees it as competition....not sure. Hang in there she'll come around.
on 2/21/12 12:37 am
RNY on 02/15/12
Well, while being happy and enjoying life are most definitely top priority, there are still things that deserve a little worrying--bills and arguments with your spouse being two of them.  I don't mean "worrying" in an unhealthy, obsessive way, but just enough concern to make sure both are taken care of properly. 

When someone has a dramatic change for the better, like bypass surgery, it's really easy to forget about obligations and spend money on clothes or activies or experiences you couldn't before, which might be leaving her feeling a little panicky if finances are tight. She might feel you're not as worried about it as she is, and feel resentful. 

My husband has been deployed for 16 months, and we have 10 more to go. And two young children. Our marriage would never have survived if we didn't have some super strong, ironclad communication. It sounds like there may be other stuff under the surface with your ladylove, so I'd advice sitting down with her and gently asking her how she feels. Don't get accusatory or defensive if she gets emotional or angry--just let her get it out and go from there. This is a big change, for you both. It'll require listening on both parts, and a lot of love.

Best of luck to you.
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Check out my video blog!  www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269.  Surgery weight: 233.  Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see.. 
Sarah R.
on 2/21/12 1:57 am
I dont think we change, I think we just become more confident in being us. For some of those that are close to us they see it as a change because it makes them insecure or uncomfortable. They become so used to the way we behaved before that they perceive this new confidence and being more outgoing (for many of us) to be a change. I also lost my best friend of 20+ years...it hurts but I'm not willing to be fat, unhappy and miss does everything your way just so she can remain happy in her world. Like one of the commenters said sit down and have a serious discussion about how you both feel. No one is a mind reader.
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