Did I overreact to boyfriend's stupid drinking behavior?

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's neat that instead of keeping your experiences to yourself, you are helping others. Thank you for that! God bless you.

White Dove just wanted to jump in and say sorry for your loss. Another thing is there is a saying from NA and AA one is too may a million not enough.  My first husband was an alcoholic and a year after our divorce was killed in a car accident he was drinking and fell asleep and crossed over it took my a long time to deal with survivor's guilt such as maybe had I still been with him it would have been me driving because when he had too much I would drive but thank goodness for Nara non and Al-Alon .  Its an education that we the non-addicts didn't sign up for and had to acquire to survive. No matter what beer, wine, anything with alcohol it makes no difference. Its amazing how the Serenity prayer stays in your mind.

 Linda, I am amazed at how many widows are in Al-Anon.  Even when our qualifer has died, often as a result of their addictions, we feel regrets that we did not do more.  That is where the four C's can help and thanks for reminding me that there are four.  I thank you for your condolances and am sorry for your loss.

Laura, you are wise to face this and seek help.  It may never get worse, but keeping secrets is one of the biggest ways that we become co-alcoholics.  Secretcy is a way to enable the person's behavior.  I am 63 years old and lived with the attitude that a good provider should be entitled to drink, get verbally and physically abusive with family and friends, have affairs, wreck furniture, cars, and finances.   As long as he was a good provider, it was expected that the spouse look the other way, be understanding, forgiving, call his boss with an excuse when he was too hung over to work, and accept the blame that her behaviors and attitudes drove him to drinking.

There are plenty of men who are hard working and good providers who do not have the disease of alcoholism.  No one should accept a relationship where there is not mutual respect.  Don't walk on eggshells.  Confront the problem and deal with it.  You did the right thing today.

 I agree with White Dove.  One of the warning signs of alcoholism (or impending alcoholism) is the person's personality changes when they drink.  If you go beyond just getting a little relaxed, that is classified as "alcohol abuse" and is cause for concern. 

OK I'm going to give  the contrarian response .  I DO think us formerly MO people can EASILY be too controlling . too demanding etc... We just DONT know what the NORMAL way is to behave .

Does this man earn well ? Does he take great  care of you and your dependents ?  Then for God's sakes don't throw him away , make him feel unwelcome or uncomfortable .

Love IS loving the whole person , ESPECIALLY their VULNERABILIBILITIES AND  THEIR FAULTS .

I work from the time I get up  to  the time I drop every day .  If my husband DARED say a word about my having a nightly glass or two of wine I would leave him so fast ...

one of the things I tell him is we are all free people in this marriage .  I WANT  you to grow , to explore I WANT you to feel passionate  about living every day .. not limited and stultified ....

Meeeow I think in the beginning she did say or kind of indicate she was a little frustrated because she couldn't drink which kind of makes me question that but that's for another day and then she vented how he behaved when he drank and didn't feel comfortable so here is where its going to get touchy are you saying because this guy could be a good provider she should put up with this?  that's what I am getting from your answer "for God's sake don't throw him away"? And I am so baffled about your "if your husband complained" what is your personality like when you drink because she said what she said about his?  And you are suggesting she tells him she wants him to grow and explore and feel passionate I am just blown away its like you are telling her she should let him drink, treat her the way he does and yep go right ahead and live life to the fullest????? I mean go ahead and jump in anytime here is where the fight begins?  Wow I am truly blown away by your answer but oh of course we are here to agree to disagree.  Yep let him drink become a different person she doesn't like and get out of his way?  How does that work for you?

Sorry Chris I got the wrong person for the Buddhism comment .  Opps! No religious comments please come on people its all about support here remember.

Yes, absolutely you did overreact.
He had a few drinks. He hadn't had a drink in awhile. He wasn't alone, he was home with you.
This isn't even close to alcoholism.
So, you didn't like the comments he was making to the tv. So what?
He had a bad week. Believe him. Just because you had a bad week, doesn't mean he didn't have one, too. Your bad week does not negate his. This is not a competition with only the person with the worst week winning the right to complain.
If drinking was a deal breaker, you should have mentioned it LONG before you began living together. You shouldn't have dated him from the start.

Deal with it or dump him. Just stop acting like a jerk about it.

He presented a good example to your daughter about how to not drink and drive and how stupid you can sound when you are drunk. Pat him on the back. He verbally abused the TV, not you or your children. He wasn't out at a bar hitting on women. He had a few drinks at home after a bad week. You tell him you don't love him like that and then you give him the cold, silent treatment. Poor you.

As the grown child of an alcoholic and an alcoholic in recovery (last drink - 5/15/2009) I can relate and understand the situation you feel you are in.
You are comparing your pain (physical and mental) to his and none of us are able to understand 100# how the other person feels. If we claim we do - we are in denial.
My husband can be totally sober and say stupid **** to the TV, to the cars around us when we are out on the roads, and can seem to be totally stupid. And this is sober. There are many differences between men and women (This is NOT being sexist - it is being real).
Instead of having a temper tantrum and making threats - tell him that when he is drinkign a lot, you do not find him to be a nice person to be around and that you make the choice to not speak to him and spend time in your own space. Do not yell or scream or try to have a discussion when he is drinking. This is not productive and will only lead to further issues.
And you need to do some pondering about what is it about him that you love and can live with and what is it about him that you cannot take. And then decide which is the situation you choose to deal with.

I don't know if you over-reacted but blowing up at your SO and then giving them the silent treatment is immature and unhelpful. If you want this relationship to work, you need to learn how to fight constructively.