normal

I'm nearly a year out from surgery.  I'm doing great, down 160lbs.  I eat right and exercise.  I feel like a million bucks. 

I wore yoga pants to yoga tonight (imagine that) and I caught a glimpse of myself in the window at the gym.  I have huge thighs and calves and tiny ankles.  I look weird.  For the last month or so I've obcessed a bit about being normal.  I want to look and act like a "normal" as in not nor has ever been morbidly obese.  

It occured to me tonight that even if I have all the plastic surgery to fix the loose skin, I will never be normal.  I was super morbidly obese for YEARS.  That's not something that can be erased by surgery of any kind.  My joints are different.  My feet are different.  I can only eat small portions.  Sugar makes me sick.  I take a **** load of vitamins and supplements.  Everything about me is different than a normal person.  

I have to learn to love myself as I am.  I will reach goal weight.  I will be fit and run those 5k's.  I will never be normal.  I have to get over being embarassed of myself.  At 187 jiggly pounds, I was the stiffest and heaviest person in yoga tonight and damnit, that's okay.  

 Yup, very OK!

Congratulations on all you've accomplished! I'll bet you no one else in the class can feel the sense of achievement like you can either. 


Cheers!
Tamie

Wow...you go girl!  You should be proud of your
huge success. Yoga class?....I'm in awe.  Keep up the amazing
good work and it should be okay because you're absolutely
beautiful.

"Normal" is a relative term. At 3.5 years out, I honestly feel "normal" now for the first time in my 45 year life.

Laura

Normal is overrated. I think you should be spectacularly you (which you most totally are!). Girl, you are rockin' the real world...namaste!