Inviting others into your insecurities

I don't think it's a put down, I just think it's an unhealthy way to look at it.  It shouldn't be "I'll just let it all hang out because people are too self absorbed to notice", it should "I'll just let it all hang out because I'm a human being, and I may be different from other human beings, but I'm still entitled to love myself as much as the next guy/gal."  The other way just seems like a cop out/sell out/easy way out that negates actually dealing with what you are feeling.

That's all just hypothetical of course since I cover up every square inch at every moment.  After looking at my legs this past week I've decided I'm going to have to invest in LONG shorts.  :)

At the essence that is the message. What I wrote is a first step in GETTING to that message. Sometimes you have to win that first battle to even hope to win the war.

 I’ll also say that while it is nice to think “we should all be more concerned about how we see ourselves than how others see us" I don’t think that is realistic for everyone here.

 

I have, on numerous occasions, tried to get people to say on screen “I’m pretty" or “I’m handsome" or “I’m awesome" or “I am great at _____." And some do but there are many who just can’t seem to bring themselves to that point, even years after surgery. Some day they may be able to, maybe not.

 

To me, saying “don’t invite people into your insecurities", then, is a way of giving people a functional way to deal with their new selves. Because you may or may not ever love yourself as much as you should or think you are as awesome as others think you are. For some of us the very best they can do is find comfort in knowing they are not judged.

 

 

People are extremely self-absorbed (well maybe not Ghandi or Mother Theresa); we are the center of our own universe and our lives do revolve around us...that's a fact. Some are better at inclusion of others into their universe, some aren't.

I can be self-critical and self-conscious sometimes, most of the the time I don't give a flying fig what others think of me or think of my appearance. I'm happy to satisfy myself....yes, the gravitational force my ego exerts is pretty massive.

Those occasional insecurities about appearance that pop up are usually dealt with by my mantra repeated ad nauseum: if they (you know...the "they" we all aren't part of?) are disgusted by the shape, or, condition, or appearance of my ____________ (insert body part here), then they really shouldn't be looking at it, should they? Repeat as needed.

Healthy 'tude? Not so sure. But it's mine and I own it and after all, my world does revolve around me....

Great post, as yours always are. 

I've been surprised by how freeing getting older has been. I feel much more comfortable in my skin than I did when I was younger, and it just doesn't matter much what other people might think about me.

A friend of mine has always said that human consciousness is a stream of  "me me me me me me you me me ..." and I think it's true. We're all the center of our own universe and when we do occasionally think about other people we're nowhere near as harsh or cruel as we tend to be about ourselves.

 I found myself the other day saying something I always dreaded saying. I was having a "fat" day and I was trying to make myself believe I looked good in an outfit I was wearing. After a moment I gave in and said, "You know what? I'm too old for this crap." Then I pulled it together and went to work. 

I think age has taught me that what people find attractive has only a small part to do with how you look. Some days I have to dial in confidence but I think even that effort is affirming. 

:)

As the weather gets nicer here in Arizona, 82 today, I really want to be able to wear short sleeve shirts. This is my first full summer since surgery and I am VERY self conscious of my bat wings (I've lost 4.5 inches from my bicep). I went from rolly polly arms to flappy wing arms. I use weights with my exercises but I'm really not seeing its affect.

I need some sort of mantra for when I stand in front of the mirror and change my shirt 4 times every morning til I'm happy with what I'm wearing.
Sigh

I think most of us, pre-ops, non-ops and post-ops have parts
of our bodies that we don't much like. It's a personal thing.
I may hate my knees, but somebody else dislikes their
perfect arms that I only wish I could have and for somebody
else it's their nose, lips, tush etc.  It's an imperfect world
and I think our personal insecurities are part of being
human and navigating life. I'm not talking here about real
hate or self-loathing, but the normal, "These arms have
got to be covered!" kind of stuff.  I'm one of those that
doesn't notice. What I DO notice is if someone looks
happy, if they're wearing a color or something that makes
them look refreshed and happy...but I miss the details
unless I'm specifically drawn to them.  I read emotions
instantly but may not be able to tell you about physical
things or what someone is wearing specifically or
earrings or hair etc. unless I look. I will remember what
I read from them emotionally at a mere glance however...been
that way since I was toddling.  The point of all this rambling is
that I think we all notice things about others, but I'm convinced
we don't all notice the same things.  Soooooooo, I think Nik's
advice is sound. I am a little sensitive to my bat wings, but I
know that others don't notice them like I do, so I've learned to
act like I feel which is usually energized and happy- which all
make me feel attractive.....and that's what most people will
notice about me.  My bat wings are far, far down anybody's
list but mine.  I'll keep them that way.

 Jim, I admire your positive outlook! I think it's incorrect, though. At least, my own life has disproved it. I was mocked and put down all my life for my looks, especially when I was young and thin. People did notice things and lots of them were certainly not kind or charitable. YMMV. (It's true, females are judged by appearance much more--to the umpteenth power more--than are men.)

As for the freedom of age, I love it. If anybody thinks I'm ugly now, so what? I'm old! I don't have to be cute! I  Also, I've developed a bit of crust and have realized that most people really are too wrapped up in their own lives to give a rip about my appearance.

At my age, batwings are proof that I still have functioning arms. I want titanium knee joints, not slimmer knee fat (although I wouldn't say no to a free neck lift.   )