Just venting to those that'll totally get it

I went to lunch today with my daughter, her fiance, my husband, my mother and my mother's longtime friend (who I've known since I was 2-1/2).  My mother's friend kept going on and on about how wonderful it was that I had the surgery because I was clearly miserable before and was slowly killing myself and wasn't it just awful being like that?  Ok I was miserable and I'm incredibly glad I had the surgery, but over and over again she kept referring to how bad I looked before (in a nutshell).  At one point, I nearly said, "Yes I get it.  I was a huge f*ing cow.  Can we move on already?"    I'm sure she meant it in the nicest way, but that didn't make it hurt any less.  I see this woman about every 3-4 years, so chances are I won't run into her again for quite a while, and so it will be a non-issue for me after today.  I just needed to vent and get it out of my system.  This is the first semi-negative comment I've had since my surgery 18 months ago.  I thought I'd be immune to stuff like this so far out since I'd not had anything negative said before.  Apparently, I was wrong.

It is horrible what people will say. So sorry you had to endure this. I am one of those unusual people *****ally dislike it when people remark on my weight loss. All my life people would say "wow you look great...Have you lost weight?" even when I had not lost. Eventually I started to simply say.."happy to see you too.". Usually threw people off.

Sorry you had a rough day.

Christine

Wow. Sorry you had to put up with that. OK, so the ***** in me would have thought of something tough about her life and said something to her about that 

I have a friend that was so impressed with my loss that she used to whip out her phone and show my before/afters (that I have on my fb profile) to random people at parties. WTH?? I am open about my surgery but do not want to talk about it with total strangers at every kid birthday party we attended. Thankfully, her amazement has died down and she no longer does that.

Hang in there!!

Laura

Grrrr...

Yeah, that's on my list of pet peeves. My mom did that for the longest. I had to nip that shizz in the bud.

I'm sure you're right that she was coming from a sincere place and meant no harm, but hearing it over and over is no fun.   I have a friend who felt the need to 'support' my decision by referring to me as a former moose.  I finally did have to tell her that I know she meant well, but it was insulting to me and I have moved on from those days and my life is now very different.  She felt awful that it bothered me, but I had to tell her since I see her often.  We are still friends and the subject of my 'moose days' doesn't come up anymore!!

Since you don't see the person often, I'd just leave it be.  Better to come here and vent!

Some people just don't have a filter between their brains and their mouths! 

My father is one of those people. He saw me yesterday for the first time since my surgery. I'm down 23 pounds so far and the first thing he said was "Wow, another 50 pounds and you'll be looking good."

To the OP, I wish I had a good suggestion of what to say. I think speaking honestly about your feelings is probably the best approach, as others have said.

I think the tone that comments are delivered says a lot too.  I have a friend who has been battling her weight her entire life.  When we meet up one of the first things she says is "*****  I hate you."  Doesn't bother me a bit because I KNOW she says it with love and it's her way of saying how great I look these days.  I also love that we have never stared at what the other one is eating when we go out to eat before or after surgery.  Our friendship has nothing to do with what's on our plate.  It's all about the friendship we've had over the last 30 years.

Today this all came from a 5 foot 85 pound woman who wears a size 3-1/2 ring (which she was kind enough to tell me when I didn't ask). 

Just 2 weeks ago, I had someone introduce me to two people at a gathering by telling them my name and where I went to grad school (one of them also went there, so that was relevant), and how they wouldn't believe how heavy I used to be!  I still am not sure why she thought that my previous size was one of the top 3 things they needed to know about me as soon as they met me, but I did tell her later that it was hurtful and embarrassing for me (and a bit awkward for them).  She said she thought since my surgery was so long ago that it would be ok.  I'm still not sure of the logic of that.

Kudos to you for biting your tongue at lunch.  I probably would have made the comment.  

Lora

People truly do not even realize how offensive they are being when it comes to fat-the last place its ok to be prejudice and make negative comments.  I am sure we have all had the -You have such a pretty face comment as well. 

Good for you for speaking up and letting her know how inconsiderate she was being maybe one day she will get it.  Who knows?