Have any of you had problems trying to date after your surgery? I seem to be having a really hard time myself.
Part of the reason things arent going very well is that now I seem to attract very shallow men. People see my pictures and because I now have a very small frame they assume I would have a prefect bikini body (WRONG!! lol). I dont know what to do about it, I dont feel I should have to let every single person I talk to know that I had wls surgery right away. Telling people about wls is a very personal thing. On the other hard Im also sick of guys running for the hills as soon as they find out HOW I lost weight, or (tmi) once they seem my body for themselves. How have you guys handled this? Im starting to feel very lonely, and I thought once I lost the weight people wouldnt judge me solely based on looks but they still are. Its crushing each time I meet someone that seems to have potential only to have them shun me because I was obese at one time. Any advise is welcome

These days your pre-op weight is almost the norm. Lots and lots of people are overweight and obese in this country, and they don't have problems dating. Be careful not to impose the way that you feel about yourself onto the way that you perceive that other people think and feel about you.

My thoughts are that you are dodging bullets. The last thing that you need is superficial people in your life. Well at least thats the last thing that I need. Why not try being friends for a long enough time for the person to get to know you before moving beyond that. Perhaps you will feel more comfortable talking to them about your WLS, and they will be more comfortable knowing and accepting you. 

You should not feel lonely or down.  You have done a great job.  You are just meeting the wrong guys.  If all a guy cares about is your physical appearance and not interested in you, then he is the wrong guy.  If he can't accept a healthy lifestyle choice you made, then he is the wrong guy.

You just need to meet a mature guy who is looking for a sweet girl and not some arm candy.  Of course with all the weight loss you have accomplished, you will be arm candy but don't need to be viewed as such.

Good answer Erik!

Judy

Not that this is super helpful, but know youre not alone. I always joke that Im glad I dont have to play the dating game because lots of guys now are just jerks. My sister had rny two years ago and has lost 180lbs and has had such an awful time with dating. She gets a lot of the superficial guys who, like your experience, expect bikini bods. Dont give up, keep meeting new people and the right guy will come along and love you for you!

You feel the way you feel...you need no qualification.

For every shallow guy that you meet and/or that flees as soon as he learns how you lost the weight, consider it another bullet dodged, as another pointed out...imagine the time you've saved yourself as well as the emotional investment in beginning a relationship and then keeping it going...

Remember that you can be in a relationship with someone and still be lonely...

I would encourage you to allow acquaintances to remain just that until there's a reason or a basis to consider it anything more than that...you will not be happy with someone unless you are happy with yourself independent of the cir****tances...being with a man does NOT make you complete...remaining single does not make you incomplete...

Really great words!

I think you've recieved some great advice on here.

I always say the best mate for a post op patient is another post op patient.. On so many levels..Body image, food issues,skin issues...

Not that you can't find a perosn who is caring and understanding..it's just harder..a lot harder...

My first advice..Stay away from dating websites and bars..
Look for a potential mate in places that you would happily welcome in your relatioships.Whether thats movies,museums, the beach... It will happen..Have faith.. I think WLS post op's are under the impression that the perfect life awaits then after the weight is gone. I know I'm more insecure since WLS then I was prior.But everone is different. Couceling is never a bad idea to help better your mind..

I am not to sure that you really need to tell anyone that you had WLS, until futher into a relationship.  By then, you will know if they are shallow or not.  As for loose skin etc., women's body change (so do men) with age.  None perfect bodies are all around us.  Did you see the Dr, OZ swimming suit show.  if not go to his site and watch it,  these women are what real women bodies are.  You will find that your body is just fine.  Really, act like you are a 10 ........... men really won't know the difference.  Act like you are the sexy girl on the earth and that any guy would be lucky to have you, they will be knocking down your door.  Don't sleep with a man, until they are begging for it.  They won't know the difference, they will just be happy they are getting laid.  Like my boyfriend states, "men are pretty simple minded...... we are not the brightest.........you really have to spell it out to us."  

Furthermore, if they "run for the hill."  Isn't it for the best, because is that type of guy you really want to be hooked up with?  Because they will run for the hill when things get rough in a relationship.

Make a list of the qualities you want in a man..................and don't settle for anything less.

Just an old woman............that wished she got the same advice about 30 years ago.

Excellent advice from kasey123!!!

I would always recommend that you don't get naked with a man that you don't have a relationship with - once you are in a good place with a real friendship/relationship, your saggy baggy bits won't mean jack to him!

No judgement, because some of us have been there , but if you are sleeping with hot guys fairly soon after meeting them, you are going to get the reaction about your body - men are visual creatures and if you are just a quick lay, they'll likely be very judgemental and won't see past your body issues!