Ramblings of my thoughts 2+ years post op with photos

So here is a little background.  I am 39 yrs old, married for almost 18 yrs, mother of 2 boys 9 and 11 yrs old.  Live in NJ.  Part time school nurse, full time Mom!  I had lap RNY in Feb of 2010 with a pre op weight of 278 lbs, day of surgery 259.  My lowest consistent weight was 139, I saw 138 for like 2 days.  I am 5 ft 6.  My highest weight on record was the birth of my second son at 283, and I weighed 281 on his 2nd birthday.  I am an identical twin.  I have been obese my entire life.  The lowest weight I ever was pre surgery was 178 in high school on a liquid diet.  Pre op I was wearing 3X tops and size 24 jeans.  I now wear M tops and size 4 jeans.  I still have a large rib cage and shoulders so need a size 12 in dresses--but I have tiny wrists now so I don't know that I truely am large boned.   My weight seems to have stabalized at 147-148--my lowest consistent weight last fall was 139 but I have been 145-148 since December and just decided not to fight it.  I have set 150 as a stop point and if I see that weight will shake things up to keep it down.  I have been exercising since about 3 months post op--at that point I swam 3-4 times a week and about 7 months post op I started exercising 4-5 times a day including learning how to use free weights.  At my peak of exercise last spring I was exercising as many as 7 times a week since I was working out with a friend 4 times a week and running with my son 3 times a week.  I exercise typically 3 times a week now---that has been the norm since Sept--with a month off in December after mole removal and a month off in March for illness.  

I have changed EVERYTHING about how I relate to food.  I eat different now, I view food differently now, I exercise routinely, I feel strong and athletic.   The hardest part of this all has been the mental battle and the realization that I will be battling this on some level for the rest of my life.  Food no longer has a hold on me--I don't crave things like I use to, I don't overeat at meals anymore or have a desire to do so.  But I could still graze if I let myself and I still desire food for emotional reasons at times and food still talks to me at times.  Sweets have always been what calls my name-and I am careful about what I keep in the house--IE there have been kit kats in the  freezer for most of the past 2 yrs and I don't care--but I can't have reeses pieces in the house.  I have learned if food in the house calls my name to have someone else eat it or throw it out.  That doesn't mean I don't cave in from time to time last week I had an issue with chocolate chip cookies my mother in law sent home with the kids.  And I do still get the cravings to go to the store buy some thing and eat it in my car alone---but thankfully that only happens once every few months now.  But I have learned that I have to keep up with the changes I have made--I NEED to exercise, I NEED to eat high protein low carb, I NEED to stay focused on being healthy or I could slip back into old habits. That is reality and I need to remember that. 

I've been doing well--eating wise--I have had a few more minor reactive hypoglycemic incidents which really helps to keep me in check with carb eating since I don't want to have a problem when I need to function.  None of them have been serious but I have been symptomatic and checked my sugar and it has dropped several times to 60.  I had issues with RN less than a year out when I started eating more carbs and then it completely disappeared for around a year-- but at 2 yrs out it reappeared and is unpredictable sometimes I can eat large quantities of car bs with no problems and yesterday I had an issue with a protein shake made with yogurt and OJ.  I keep a glucometer with me now, glucose tabs in my purse and a protein bar.   I don't drink alcohol very often since about 1/3 of a drink and I am tipsy.  My typical day is a protein shake in the am, and then 3 meals--one between 12:30 and 1, one between 3:30 and 4:30 and one between 6:30 and 7 pm.  I have learned to listen to my body better about what it wants and craves.  I am not a slave to my schedule if I feel truely hungry later in the evening I have something to eat.  My lunch is typically protein and fruit, my afternoon snack and dinner each usually have a serving of carbs, fruit, veggie and protein.  I drink over 120 ounces of water or decaf tea on a typical day.  I drink caffenated coffee every am and usually have another coffee or coke zero in the afternoon/early evening.  I take vitamins 4 x a day--my levels are good (1st dose is multi vit and calcium, 2nd dose iron and vit b12, 3rd dose multi and calcium, 4th dose calcium).

My boys don't remember me obese.  They know they should eat protein. They do eat junk food but have learned to take a serving size out.  We exercise together.  They are both on the chubby side (since toddlers) and I don't want them to face the battles I have.  So I strive to teach them about balance and that exercise is not optional. 

I have somewhat adapted to my new body.  I do see myself as small now.  But I still think of myself as the fat girl.  People who didn't know me as obese don't think I ever was.  I do have loose skin--I have bat wings on my arms and 2 rolls off skin on my abdomen a small one above my belly button and a rather large one in the pannini area.  I have some on my thighs as well but it's not the first thing you would notice.  In clothes I look fine--it's only naked or in a bathing suit you notice some of these things and then they are not grossly obvious.  I still am seeing improvements in my arms from the weight training.  I wear sleeveless shirts now with out too much thought (but yes it does still enter my mind at times that I shouldn't because of my arms).

I have gone from being the biggest person in the room to one of the smallest.  I have gone from a a person who dabled on and off in exercise to someone who doesn't feel right when I don't exercise. 

I still need to check in though and share the battle because it is a battle--that is why I come here.

I can eat basically anything.  Pork I tend to stay away from since it only takes a few bites to make me stop eating.  I eat mostly chicken, cheese and peanut butter for protein.  I have given up potatoes for the most part--I do still enjoy a few fries here and there but other wise typically skip potatoes all together.  I don't eat more than a few bites of noodles or rice typically.  I do eat bread but better if it's crusty or toasted.  I can eat most red meat but typically would prefer chicken.  I almost NEVER skip my daily protein shake.  I don't eat enough veggies, and I eat more fruit than my surgeon/NUT say I should but it works for me.  If I really want something I don't deprive myself. 

I do dump but never had the diarrhea, just nausea, palpitations, sleepiness and general feeling of being ill it's not consistent.  There are times I dumped on a very small amount of sugar and times I ate a very large portion and had no issue.  I am more careful with liquidy forms of sugar (IE ice cream, soda, etc) since they make me sick much quicker.  I don't know the last time I dumped since these days I have tied my symptoms to blood sugar--my blood sugar doesn't get too high but if I eat too many simple carbs it goes up to around 200 and I feel it there--carb coma type symptoms from the sudden change---my typical blood sugar is 90-100 whether fasting or eating high protein lower carb.  I start to feel low blood sugar if it's below 75--I have been as low as 40--that was the time dh called the ambulance.

The bottom line--WLS is A LOT of work, and a lot more work than I thought it would be--but I am worth it!!!  We need to be here to support each other and remind each other we are worth the work--whatever work it takes--I did all sorts of reading, support groups, exercise stuff, counseling etc to get where I am and know I need to stay focused to continue.

 ALice

WOW!  Thanks for posting.  Your post as been the most helpful post I have seen in the 7 months that I have been on this board.  Thanks for sharing your food and vit. schedule.

Your family picture is great!  What a wonderful gift you have give your boys........a more healthy you. 

Congrats on your WL.  You look terrific!

Thanks I check in here almost daily but don't post all that often.

Your long and informative posting is great!  And you look absolutely fantastic as well.    I'm glad you shared some of the trials that we all go through as we move to maintenance from the weight loss period. 

I agree that we all need to relearn how to eat.  I've finally come to the understanding that I was a disfunctional eater for all my life prior to WLS.  Still high sugar foods call my name  - and can put on a pound instantly.

Good luck in your ongoing maintenance!

 Congratulations on your success. I think it's important for ppl to realize that's it's hard work not an easy fix like so many ppl believe. 

Thanks for posting. You make me feel like there is hope for the future. I see that I have to choose health, to make the right choices, to be honest, to keep on track. Slowly, I'm starting to feel like I can live this life. It's so nice to read about someone like you who is living it and doing well. I know I'll never be completely free of my desire to use food to cope with life but it's nice to know that maybe, in time, it will get easier like it seems to have gotten for you. Thanks for sharing your story and giving me a smile. Now, I'm headed to the gym because that's who I am now. :)

Yes it is easier to cope now with food and all the issues but focus on being healthy is what we all need on a continual basis.

Fantastic post!  So helpful for the pre-ops and early ops to read this.  Congratulations on a job well done.  You look great.

Thank you for sharing your journey.  You have a beautiful family.

Thank you for sharing this with us.  Your family looks very happy and you look fantastic!