when were you satisfied with your weight?

As I get closer and closer to my goal weight, that number keeps dropping in my head.  I still would like to lose AT LEAST 30 more pounds. 

I've really lost from the top down so while my face/neck/shoulders look sorta boney, my lower body is still fat and really flabby. 

It's really weird how my perception has changed.  I first thought that as long as I got below 200 I'd be happy.  And now I'm not happy at 176.  Will I be satisfied at 150?  I always said that I wanted to be able to wear a 10.  I'm in a 12 now and I don't think the 10 will be small enough.  

And then on the other hand, I'm really getting into exercise and I try to tell myself now that my goal is to be FIT, not thin. 

So vets, when did you know you'd lost enough or were where you wanted to be?  Did it take plastic surgery to feel finished?  Did you lose more then gain to what you think is normal?  

I'm not where you are at  "yet" but I have wondered if once I hit my goal of 160 if I'll want to lose more.

My goal all along was 150# but when I got there, I was disappointed with the excess skin, especially the muffin top.  I didn't have nearly what a lot of people had, but I felt like a Shar Pei - one of those dogs with all the loose skin.    I did indeed have plastic surgery - a lower body lift, tummy tuck and breast implants.  

At first I really wondered "what have I done?  Is this worth it?".   Now that it's been 3 months, I'm really glad I did it.   But...I'm still not happy with the Shar Pei effect on my thighs and below my butt cheeks.   That being said, I promised myself after the plastic surgery that if there was something I was unhappy with, I'd either deal with it non surgically or just learn to live with it.  I have to remember I'm 51 years old, time can't turn back time or gravity!   Besides, the only reason I would consider having my thighs done is to be able to wear shorts or short skirts...but given that I'd have a large scar from that surgery, I still wouldn't wear shorts or short skirts. 

I really struggle with my body image.  When I just bend over and look at my thighs, they are the same size they've always been to me...no matter what I weighed.   So that means when I was at my heaviest, they appeared much smaller to me (from that angle) and now that I'm smaller, they still look larger to me.   It's really weird.

So now, at 5'9" and "big boned" (I wear size 10 shoes and 8-9 ring) wearing a size 4, I have to remind myself that I am not fat.    One item of clothing may not look as good on me as another, but to have the thought "does this make me look fat?" is something I have to fight against yet because I'm not.  

I work out 3x a week with a personal trainer, my entire body is pretty toned and I've now got visible ab muscles...but I still have loose skin and some wrinkles...again, because I'm 51.   Gravity is a ***** karma doesn't have a lock on the market!    Yet I seem to notice it more than most...many tell me they're paying more attention to my muscle tone.

The woman who usually leads the RNY group at our monthly support meetings reminds us that this surgery is a tool, but it doesn't fix anything between your ears (meaning any mental, emotional or psychological issues).   You still have to fix that on your own or with help.  Body image is my struggle yet.   I can't believe I'm alone in that!

I will leave you with one final thought - where does your doctor want you to be?   I personally found that a lot of people who never once told me I had gained too much weight, was getting too fat, it was time to stop think nothing of telling me that I've lost too much weight, am getting too think and it's time to stop.   And they started saying that to me at 205, and at 180, and especially as I hit goal.  I've been at goal for going on 9 months and still have people tell me if I lose any more weight, they're going to feed me a cookie.   The fastest way to get them to back off is to simply say "my doctors & I have this under control, thanks for your concern, but we've got it."

Good luck to you.

O am right there with you on still mentally seeing the thighs as the same size they were before because of all the excess skin (and, in my case, a small amount of residual fat)!  No matter how many times I reassure myself  -- either through pictures of me standing in ONE leg of my old jeans or actually digging those jeans OUT of the closet and looking at them or standing in them again -- that my thighs are MUCH smaller than before, my brain just does NOT get it.  It does not help that they have always been very muscular and a bit heavy, even as a kid... so truly thin legs was never in the cards for me (and I knew that going into surgery). 

After all this time (almost 5 years since surgery), I am not sure that my brain will EVER get it.  Like you, though, the scars from a thigh lift would keep me from from wearing shorts, etc. anyway (even if I was not too chicken because of necrosis risk and too poor after my other PS).

It's nice to know my brain is not the only messed up one when it comes to the thighs.  Glad youa re happy with your PS.  You look fabulous!

Lora

Thanks Lora.   Part of me wishes I did all of this sooner when my skin still was more elastic, but reality is I wasn't ready for it emotionally or mentally.  

I am STILL not where I have "lost enough" or "where you wanted to be". I wanted to be a single digit size, but my body decided that a size 10/12 was as good as it gets. My body fat % is only 25%, though, so I try to ignore all the other numbers.

My plastic surgery did not make me feel "finished" because I only did tummy and arms. My breasts are still 36DDD and hang to my waist, and my thighs have an obscene amount of extra skin(and a little bit of residual fat) on them (so they STILL never see the sunlight even when swimming. I might feel "finished" if I were to have PS on my thighs (the breasts I can live with... Just need industrial strength bras), but even if I had the money for a thigh lift I would not be courageous enough to do it. The thighs are notorious for incisions breaking down because the skin is in such bad shape and the blood flow is often already compromised, and after having my tummy tuck incision turn necrotic (and having to clean and pack that disgusting hole in my belly for 5 months), I am not willing to risk having the same thing happen on my inner thighs!

Lora

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. In high school, I dropped over 50 lbs. to weigh 150 lbs, which is my current goal weight. However, at that weight, I still felt fat, and still felt like being "thin" was somehow out of my reach. As an adult, I yo-yo dieted from 311 lbs to 190 and everything in between for 10 years. I always thought I'd feel better about myself at a specific weight, but when that weight came, I couldn't ever imagine that the changes I had seen in my body could ever be "enough." 

I think everyone who's struggled with weight issues has body image struggles to go along with them. As others have said, WLS doesn't fix the brain. That part is up to us. I think a big part of the dieting cycle is the body image issues coming out in the way we eat (or don't eat, exercise or don't exercise, etc). WIth WLS, it's harder for those issues to express themselves via overeating, but that doesn't solve them in itself. Neither does losing the weight alone. I think part of the WLS journey involves learning to find ourselfs again, learning to see ourselves honestly, and learning to love what we see. I think the old obsession with fat and diets can easily turn into a new obsession with skin and PS, or become an endless struggle to lose even more weight - never happy with the numbers unless they're moving down.

Stepping on the scale and seeing the numbers change is a rewarding experience. But that also makes it dangerous. It activates the same reward systems in our brains that our trigger foods used to do. If you let it, you can turn your obsession with food into an obsession with weight loss, and that could ultimately lead to a post-op development f anorexia or bulemia. We all know that it's common enough with WLS patients that it has sparked studies being done specifically on this type of thing.

The weight loss stage has such clear guidelines and goals. It's a process with weekly rewards and a sense of focused direction. After a while, it may be difficult to imagine a life where you're not focused on losing anymore. What will be your #1 goal? What will you think about every morning when you wake up & weigh in and at each meal? If you never recognize that you've lost enough, you never have to let go of that rewarding cycle....remind you of the times you didn't recognize how much weight you were gaining and didn't let go of the food rewards in your hands? At some point, maintenance has to kick in - we don't want you to disappear!

I think as you approach your initial goal, it would be a good idea to start seeing a therapist to help you navigate through the mind part of this, specifically with regard to recognizing and accepting who you are now, and learning to set new goals for yourself as you transition to maintenance. Take the focus off your body - the point of WLS was to heal you from the disease of obesity. At your doctor's goal (and "normal weight" BMI), that's eactly what you'll have done. Maybe it's time to focus on healing your brain from the disease of "fat girl" thinking. You deserve better! Otherwise you'll never give yourself the chance to enjoy how beautiful you are & how much life has to offer you now.

With lots of love,
Somayeh

I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 3 years.  I really don't think I'll feel satisfied unless I have a tummy tuck, and that doesn't seem to be in the cards.  I kept changing my goal weight because I'd hit my goal and still not be satisfied.  I've set my current goal at 145, but I'm at 149 right now and am nowhere near satisfied so I know 4 more lbs isn't going to make any difference.  I wanted to wear a single-digit clothing size too, but my body doesn't seem to want to go below a 10.  Sometimes it's frustrating, but I try to stop & think about where I came from and how much better off I am today!  I think it's wise to not focus so much on numbers (weight, clothing size, etc) and just focus on loving and accepting your body as it is.  I'm working on that. 

I'm almost 4 years out and I must say MOST days I am satisfied where I am. I think it took me until about the 3 year mark to feel that way. And yes, it took plastics to make me feel "normal" again.

I don't feel "normal" -- I would need several procedures to get to that point.  I did start feeling thin around the 130 mark.  My surgeon's goal was 150.... I hang in the low 120's these days.  I am thin but flabby....