Dealing with a food nazi at home
My husband is getting on my last nerve. I am two weeks post op and he keeps yelling at me that I'm failing because I licked mayo off my finger today and put 1 tsp of ketchup on my eggs. I seriously can't handle him right now. He says I can't control myself so he has to do it for me. I know he's only trying to help, but he doesn't need to be such a jerk about it either. Have any of you dealt with this? How did you cope?
Surgery 5/29/12...
oh my have i been there! from the minute i got out of surgery my dh was commenting on every thing. i finally told him that i was a grown *** woman who knew what I needed to do and he could support me with love or get the *** out of my way!
he's been very quiet since then. good luck to you! i hate people in my business more than anything on earth!
he's been very quiet since then. good luck to you! i hate people in my business more than anything on earth!
No, I haven't dealt with that. I cannot imagine my partner telling me that I cannot control myself so he has to do it for me. If he tried to control me in that way, I seriously think our relationship would be over.
My mother and my sister occasionally ask me if I can eat something, but it's more that they are worried something will have too much sugar and make me sick. If I tell them I can eat something, they take my word for it.
Have you told your husband to knock it off? Have you told him that you are following the advice of your surgeon and dietician and do not need him to yell at you or try to control you?
My mother and my sister occasionally ask me if I can eat something, but it's more that they are worried something will have too much sugar and make me sick. If I tell them I can eat something, they take my word for it.
Have you told your husband to knock it off? Have you told him that you are following the advice of your surgeon and dietician and do not need him to yell at you or try to control you?
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Well.. I'm only 4 days out, so I can't really say if my husband will be like that. I don't think he will though. BUT, right now he is eating everything in his and my path.. I think it's because I have not cooked lately, and it's easier for him to just grab something around the house than to make a healthy decision. I am hoping that by next week I will feel up to at least helping him prepare something a little healthier. He's lucky.. He has no weight issues, and is very active...If he keeps eating like this he may not be so lucky though.. Tell your husband you need his support not his ridicule. Maybe he just doensn't really know how to help you and he thinks this "food police"thing is the way to be. I think as hard as they may try, they don't have a clue what we are dealing with. It's probably gonna take a little time for him, and a lot of patience from you. Bless his heart, he loves you and thinks this is what you need. I sure it will work out fine. He sounds like he's in your corner... And that's a good start!!!! Good luck!!
"For I know the Plans I have for you" ...Jeremiah 29:11
I know we all perceive things differently, plus at least most of us on this forum don't know the OP or her hubby very well so it's hard to know what's really going on. I don't want to sound like I'm saying your perspective is wrong. I don't know if it is or not.
What I wanted to say, though, is that the behavior the OP describes, with her husband yelling at her, telling her is is failing, and attempting to control her, is verbally and emotionally abusive. Maybe he does love her, but verbal and emotional abuse is not a good way to show love. And maybe he does think she needs to be abused, but most people realize that abuse is not helpful to anyone.
Personally, I would not have a lot of patience with someone that was abusing me verbally and/or emotionally.
What I wanted to say, though, is that the behavior the OP describes, with her husband yelling at her, telling her is is failing, and attempting to control her, is verbally and emotionally abusive. Maybe he does love her, but verbal and emotional abuse is not a good way to show love. And maybe he does think she needs to be abused, but most people realize that abuse is not helpful to anyone.
Personally, I would not have a lot of patience with someone that was abusing me verbally and/or emotionally.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
One of the things that I really appreciate about you, Kelly, is that you really read the posts with a level of attention and detail that puts me to shame. I agree that if the things that the OP is describing are true, there is a need to address these issues on an immediate basis.
I think that if this is new behavior on the husband's part, I think it is possible that it is motivated by fear. This surgery does a number on us, but our loved ones also go through a lot. My husband is very supportive, but he can sometimes demonstrate controlling behaviors. Given that he's a catastrophic thinker, it's often a part of his fear that we'll all die and abandon him or that he will die. Usually the trigger is something minor, but in order to help him deal with his fear, I have to figure out what the trigger was. Then, I have the pleasure? of listening to him complain about everything else in his life, and then, it's always about death. These are very exhausting days.
I think that if this is new behavior on the husband's part, I think it is possible that it is motivated by fear. This surgery does a number on us, but our loved ones also go through a lot. My husband is very supportive, but he can sometimes demonstrate controlling behaviors. Given that he's a catastrophic thinker, it's often a part of his fear that we'll all die and abandon him or that he will die. Usually the trigger is something minor, but in order to help him deal with his fear, I have to figure out what the trigger was. Then, I have the pleasure? of listening to him complain about everything else in his life, and then, it's always about death. These are very exhausting days.
Oh, I didn't think you were excusing abuse. I assumed you weren't reading the post and thinking "abuse." maybe it's because I used to be a social worker and dealt with domestic violence a lot. I read that someting is yelling and controlling and think "verbal and emotional abuse."
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
That is super frustrating but hopefully it's as a result of being worried about you and not coming from a controlling point of view. What I have learned about men over the years is that they feel so helpless when we're in pain or going through something that they can't help with...perhaps this is just how he's handling it.
I live by myself and I talk to my mom who lives 2 provinces away daily and she keeps telling me that her doctor (who was my GP as a child) told her to tell me not to stretch my pouch. She reminds me now like 5 times a week. It's so frustrating, I mean I am less than a month out, I clearly wouldn't be intentionally setting myself up for failure after subjecting myself to surgery now would I??!
Hang in there, friend!
b
I live by myself and I talk to my mom who lives 2 provinces away daily and she keeps telling me that her doctor (who was my GP as a child) told her to tell me not to stretch my pouch. She reminds me now like 5 times a week. It's so frustrating, I mean I am less than a month out, I clearly wouldn't be intentionally setting myself up for failure after subjecting myself to surgery now would I??!
Hang in there, friend!
b
I can certainly appreciate your utter frustration regarding your hubby's surveilance. I am just starting my 'journey' and meet with the Social Worker, Dietician, RN this Friday. I am trying to cut down portions and really have always cooked healthy meals but my hubby eats enough for three and even though he is about 50 lbs too heavy he doesn't consider that he has a problem - I have the problem. I worry that he will be just like your hubby and I know that he is supportive in his way but really has no idea what he is in for when I an on a liquid diet and he is not. He cooks very little so it is just little ole me.
Good luck with your frustration SkinnyDipper - you shall prevail and you shall win! Keep smiling and thanks for being 'real'.
Nancy
Good luck with your frustration SkinnyDipper - you shall prevail and you shall win! Keep smiling and thanks for being 'real'.
Nancy
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