"You've changed..." Advice please.

Have any of you post-oppers been told how much you've changed after surgery? And not in the good or obvious ways? Literally half of my family apparently think that I have changed into a snooty, high and mighty b*tch after losing so much weight. I don't think I have changed at all other than being happier, healthier, and feeling better about myself. I don't understand it and it hurts that they view me this way.

Has anyone else been through this? How did you deal with it? I don't want to resort to cutting half of my family out of my life, but it's come to that point. I'm just so sick of them pinning all this drama on me and claiming it's me because "I've changed."

Help!

 A few thought jump to mind.  Perhaps you have changed...into a happier, more self-confident woman who doesn't put up with stuff she used to.  Maybe if you're not using food to self-sooth you sometime have more edge (it could be in a very healthy way but they are not used to it).  Perhaps they are jealous of the new you and see your happiness and confidence as threatening and therefore interpret it as *****iness. Just some random thoughts...I think if you are really worried you could ask someone whose opinion you trust and respect, otherwise if you believe there is no truth in it, ignore or avoid those who are a negative drain on you.

Andrea. 

I have not had that experience.  I did ask my partner once if he thought I'd changed since surgery and he looked confused and said no and then asked what I was talking about.  I asked if I was different in anyway and he said well, you're skinnier.  So I don't think I've changed.

I guess I would ask the people saying you've changed to explain what they  mean.  To give an example, not just say you're snooty, but described something you did that they thought was snooty.

As is the norm, I have to agree with Kelly.  When someone accuses you of a behavior, I would kindly stop them and ask for a specific example, or examples.

What I have found when I do this is that an example is rarely available because the person who has made the comment is generally voicing their perceptions, which are seldom based on actual reality.

Asking for examples is a great suggestion.

Have I changed? Yes.

I am not a doormat any more.

I quit the job where I was not respected and now love working in a challenging, fun environment even though the pay is less.

I have better boundaries in my life - drama is just not part of the landscape.

I make choices that are healthy ones for me. (Even if I have to show up with my own food for a celebration, or arrive late because of plans to get to the gym.)

I buy clothes that fit. 

I am more outgoing. 

I am happier and more confident.

Anything wrong with that? Well maybe. It does shake the tree in some old relationships. And "that" is what is hard for those around you....not who or where you are now, as much as the fact that you have moved their cheese!

Lynn,

I so wish that there was a "LIKE" tab on here! I can agree with everything that you just said.

Have a beautiful day!

I had these same thoughts yesterday after a HUGE shouting match with my mother.
And YES, I have changed!
I no longer allow people to walk all over me for "the sake of keeping the peace".
I have self-esteem and know I am worth being respected.
Just 6 months ago I would have sat and listened to all of my mothers criticism silently. Then I would have gone home and stuffed my face with a Big Mac, Large fries and a Milk shake! Once done with that, I would have cried for hours. Then my boyfriend and I would end up getting into a fight because I didn't stand up for myself.
NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!
I firmly asked her to stop and pointed out everything that she was saying and doing that made me uncomfortable.
Somehow it turned into a shouting match and I am proud to say I DID NOT BACK DOWN. She was in total shock and said "boy, have you changed" and I said "HELL YEAH!!!"

 Good for you Clarissa!  I am very proud of you!

I agree with all that was said here. I think the new mentality of others regarding RNY is that it's the "easy way out" and people see it as a selfish cosmetic choice! NOT ME!!!!!!!!!! But I think when they see you lose weight, they are jealous because they didn't make the choice. I think everyone changes in their attitude about themselves. You are taking the opportunity to "take care of you" by loving yourself enough to have the surgery. BRAVO for all of you! I will soon be joining you! LOVE you and be proud of yourself and your choices....they are WONDERFUL choices. Just say, "Sorry you feel that way, I love me and am treating me good and won't accept negativity from anyone" you can laugh and say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" Good Luck!

I guess the reason I haven't experienced this is because I was not a doormat before I had surgery, as some people are describing themselves here.  I did not sit and listen to my mother criticize me endlessly before I had surgery.  I had boundaries before I had surgery.  And I'm not a doormat now and I  have boundaries now, but that's not new for me.