relationships post surgery

How many of you have had relationship issues with your significant other (married or not) following surgery? Did you begin to feel it was no longer right? Did you get it back on track? Were their issues before but having lost the weight, you "found your voice" to speak up?

 

I am at a cross roads. Just wondering if I am alone or if others have felt the same way

 

 

Your whole outlook on everything changes as the weight comes off. If your marriage was not built on love, and mutual respect for each other then getting the weight off changes everything. However I am a strong believer that if you do love each other you will find new ways to connect with each other. It will just take time and some give and take to work it all out.

Yes, had major struggles with marriage the first time I lost weight. One of many reasons I am having to start over with weight loss.

See, my whole outlook on everything did not change as the weight came off.  My outlook on a few things changed - my outlook on food, on my health, on taking care of myself, things like that - but my outlook on many things did not change.  If you say your whole outlook on everything changed, I believe that's how it was for you.  That's not how it is for everyone, though.

No one knows you better than yourself.  Yes, not everything changed, but since it was a completely different perspective to be considered 'normal' by strangers and not a escapee  from a circus side show I generalize that everything changed.

I forget that some people get help with their weight when they are only just 100 pounds or less over weight and not three times or more what they should weigh.

 

 

 

I had some relationship issues when I was almost four years post op, but they were not related to my WLS in any way.  I did not have any relationship issues before my surgery, either.

 

 

No not yet (hopefully never but im still early out) but I definitely expected that there would be, i know my fiance was worried but i tried to assure him as much as possible and still do. i have lost a decent amount of weight 67 including pre op but i dont feel i have changed. i hve gone up and down so many times before anyway so u know i guess im used to it.

My husband treats me better now, and I think it is in part because I treat myself better. Of course we still have issues, but I've never been shy about voicing my opinion, so I don't think it's a matter of having found my voice.

I have had occasion to tell him that I am not open to discussing something immediately because I am feeling my feelings and not covering them with eating. You may not be an emotional eater, but I am. So there has been a learning curve for me on how to deal with myself without resorting to food. While I am learning how to deal with myself, I am also learning new ways to interact with DH. 

As with all things, it's a work in progress for us. But generally I am happier because I feel better, so my demeanor and behavior are that much more pleasant.

I am two years post op and I am having lots of relationship issues right now. My husband is convinced that I am having an affair because I am very active now since I have lost weight. I recently told him I didn't know if our marriage would survive because he has got to stop this behavior. It has gone on now for over a year. He has the kids checking to see where I am at and having them check my Facebook page to see who is on it. It really hurts that he has involved the kids. They are both in their 20's. He had an affair when they were young and I never ever told the kids anything. I don't know if I will ever get over that. My son use to call me everyday and now very rarely calls. My husband is seeing a therapist to see if he can get some help and to save our relationship.

In full disclosure, I'm a therapist so I'll always encourage others to seek counseling thru ANY major life change (WLS, relationships, etc).

Personally, and I hope this gives you some hope that it can be done, my marriage has waxed & waned with this journey - something I wasn't entirely prepared for. I never had a doubt my husband's feelings for me wouldn't change; after all, he loved me for 10 years as an obese person. I never considered mine might. As I was losing weight, he felt a bit insecure and I reassured him a lot. He got into therapy (for an unrelated issue) and did alot better about his self-esteem. As my self-esteem skyrocketed for the first time ever, I started to feel wandering & questioning. And because I believe strongly in marriage (of any ilk), I worked VERY hard internally to sort it all out. I'm happy to say that I'm back on track and really loving my husband as much as ever. For us, it was never about the outside but about how our spirits match perfectly.

My marriage was in the toilet before I had surgery. He was involved with yet another woman and told me that we were done 4 months before (but he wouldn't move out!!!!!). I think that he liked me being heavy so that I wouldn't find someone else. The night before my surgery he tried to pick a fight with me telling me that he doesn't want me to go through with the surgery. I just looked at him, shook my head and told him that he had no opinion in what I did any more.

Then the asshat came to visit me in the hospital!!