I love to eat

(Warning: Long, rambly)

It's true. I do! And I am NOT regretful, ashamed or fearful of that fact. It just is. I love to sing. I love to read. I love to write. And I love to eat.

I mention this because I've been around here for a few years. And in my work with Bariatric Foodie I've come into contact with thousands of post-ops. And many talk of eating as this clandestine activity that they aren't supposed to enjoy. I mean, look at some of the sayings we hold up in our community: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Well, considering the fact that I could be 100 lbs. dripping wet and STILL see the 327 lb. me in the mirror, I can think of plenty of things that taste as good or better than the elusive thin feels. But I digress...

I think the key difference between the me I am now and the me I was on January 7, 2008 (the day before my surgery) is that now I love to eat. Then I NEEDED to eat. It was really my only pleasure in life. I didn't believe in me enough to think there could be others. I didn't think I could do half the things I do now without thinking twice. I didn't understand the value of my life and how important it is to do things you love, to make memories or what reward there is in pushing yourself past where you thought you could go.

And I do. I run, I jump, I dance. I dress up. I take pictures. I hug people. All things I did not do as an obese woman.

But still...I love to eat. I am a Foodie. You might even call me a Bariatric Foodie ;) And guess what? That's ok too.

Because food is not out to get me. It's not evil. It's not the devil. It's food. It's there. If I want it, I eat it. If I don't want it, I don't. These days I try not to eat when I'm not hungry, not necessarily for weight loss sake (that part of the journey is so beyond over for me - not losing weight but taking particular actions TO lose weight) but because it takes the joy out of eating. Have you ever noticed (for some, before surgery) when you've worked up a good appetite food tastes so much better? I find that in my bariatric afterlife too. When I try to eat on a full pouch or a full system (what I call those "little pouch days") there is no joy in it and I know I'm not eating for the right reasons anyway. I'd much rather work up an appetite and relish in the joy of the food I eat afterward.

But yep...I love to eat. And that doesn't mean I'm doomed to failure. Yes, I had "the bounce" but since the bounce I've maintained the same weight, give or take a few pounds, for nearly 3 years now. And actually, in the last few months, without really trying, I've lost about 8 lbs. And all this...while I love to (and do) eat.

Why do I tell you this? Well, if you're new you probably have a well-founded fear of food. And that's understandable. I'm in the school of thought that there is a progression out of obesity and part of it, unfortunately, is about fear. Managing it, using it for good instead of evil, yadda, yadda...I get that. I was there once. So I'm not telling you not to feel afraid if you do.

But don't brainwash yourself. Especially as the holidays approach. You are allowed to like food. You are allowed to miss your old holiday favorites. It doesn't make you evil or doomed to failure or anything else. It makes you you. That's it and that's all.

And I say THAT for this reason. Food doesn't really have the power to do anything to you unless you let it. But your head? How you think? The story you tell yourself? That can bring you down fast. 

So just keep that in the back of your heads as you face challenging food situations. It's ok that you did or do love to eat. You do still sorta need to obey the pouch cuz it has this tendency of pimp slapping you if you don't but...I know when I was new out the very thought of wanting or liking to eat made me feel like a criminal. And you are not. 

I concur ...  I love to eat and am very particular about what I eat.   I have developed a taste (pun intended) for good quality food and it's entirely possible to fund it because I don't eat a ton of crap!

I have taste buds and I'm not afraid to use them!!!

Pre surgery I always delighted in not being a fussy eater and would eat absolutely anything - these days not so much - I am VERY particular about what I eat - always with an eye on my health and likes rather than on my weight.   I find that the way I eat (clean and organic where possible - with protein being the main player) keeps my weight steady with not too much effort at all!!!  I don't eat like a bird, nor do I eat like a 365lb linebacker - I eat like a normal person who has not had WLS ...  

And ... it's amazing what REAL food tastes like when it's not masked by processed stuff and additives!   I'm proud to be a foodie ...

You make a great point. I don't eat just anything anymore. I love me some fresh food!

But everything I eat isn't perfect. On Saturday mornings, the first thing I do when I get to the farmer's market is go the stall of an elderly Argentine mama who makes these chorizo empanadas that are to DIE for!!! (Actually I'm kinda bummed I'm going out of town this weekend and will miss it). 

But life is too short to fight with food. It's a losing battle. We are hard wired to like it. Even if we don't like to like it. So to me it seems a much better use of my time discovering great food that is great for my body than trying to be in denial about liking to eat it. 

I am with you... I try to eat as much unprocessed food as I can, and am usually pretty particular about what I eat (even though I *do* eat small snacks that are often processed sugary things). I will gladly consume something with more calories/fat/carbs if it is a higher quality, better tasting food. (It just means that I have to be more diligent the rest of the day.)

I also don't eat ANYTHING that does not taste GOOD. l don't eat anything that is just "ok" even if it has a ton of protein. Have not since Day One post-op. I am NOT one of those women who convinces herself that a protein bar is as almost as good as a candy bar (or as good as a real brownie). If I REALLY want a brownie or some chocolate, I just have a small amount of it. I would rather eat less than half the amount of a brownie made from scratch than a protein bar with a bunch of chemicals that sort of tastes like something that resembles a brownie if you haven't tasted a real brownie in 2 years.

Lora

Excellent post - I often think about or rather struggle with the fact that I love to eat - I eat 6 small meals a day and I am so grateful that my doc told me to do this because it allows me to feed my need 6 times a day......that way I don't get unruly or feel deprived!!

I think developing this healthy relationship with food has been one of the most difficult and fulfilling experiences/journeys of my life and I don't by any means think it is ever over - I think it is ALWAYS a work in progress.......

Being able to identify the head hunger vs. the real hunger has been eye opening to say the least!!  And boy oh boy do I struggle with more head hunger now that I am further out and not on the initial high of being post op.......

It's only the 2nd day of six small "meals" instead of 3 meals and 3 "snacks" but I already feel better and more confident - it ends up MORE food and less calories!  (Because at night I am still satisfied I haven't had a feeding frenzy because I scrimped all day).

Y'all KNOW I love to cook and I love to eat!

I decided early on that I was not going to give food any power over me.  I've also become a "food snob".  I like the good stuff.  I appreciate finely aged cheese, good butter, and fresh veggies and fruit.  I cannot even put a frozen veggie in my mouth anymore.  I really do like the "real" thing.

And don't even get me started on the good quality cuts of meat....what a difference!  I do not eat clean or organic, but I do eat well.  And yes, I do indulge in desserts every now and again, as I do in a good wine or a well made martini...but those are the occasional indulgence, not the rule of thumb.

Y'all know me-I'm 80/20 girl.  So far, it has served me well in weight control and in the satisfaction of "having it all".

I do often have frozen broccoli or canned green beans, but other than that, I eat fresh veggies. If I eat beef, it is almost always filet mignon, which might sound like I am made of money (which I am not, but I do have a mother who buys family dinner almost every Friday night, so sometimes she is the one paying for it (and since I don't drink wine as the rest of the family does, I can splurge on my entree!)), but filet mignon is so much easier to chew than other cuts of beef, has less fat than many other cuts, and a 9 ounce filet is 3 meals.

I had a couple of sips of a Key Lime martini on my mom's birthday last month (a decent quality vanilla vodka, key lime juice (or key lime liqueur), and pineapple juice, rimmed with crushed graham crackers). It was wonderful (and I am not much of a drinker at all).

Lora

Geesh, these hormones are out of control!  The beginning of your post made me cry...food was my only pleasure in life, also.  I didn't believe in myself, either.  To read that AND identify with that...wow. 
So, dry eyed now, and not really a tremendous amount of weight off of my body but enough to know that I WILL make positive changes/progress in my life...it is exciting to learn about other things that I'm finding enjoyable.  Some of these  were a part of my life when I was younger and not so heavy, so to re-incorporate them into my life is amazing. 
I'm not really so afraid of food, though.  My concern, or something that I need to work on (in my head), is missing certain foods that were my "friend", my "comfort", or just habit. 
There was an article that I read about habits.  The article stated that a habit is something that you do repeatedly until it becomes an almost involuntary act.  In order to replace an undesirable habit with a productive habit, one must purposefully, consciously take action to stop the old habit and replace it with the new action until that new action becomes habit.  Also, the new action MUST fill the "need" that the old habit was filling.  I will try to find the article and copy it here in a post.  There was much more information, and I'm hoping that I made sense in my interpretation of it...sometimes, I feel that I'm rambling nonsense.  :)
 

I know what you are talking about (although I have not read that article).

That's part of why I don't knock newer folks for practicing certain "rituals" or abstentions habitually. That's what you gotta do to get those good habits to be second nature to you. It may seem crazy to folks outside the process (and for me at 5 years out, even though I did it myself, it sometimes does) but honestly you are recovering from obesity. That takes time, reinforcement of healthful behaviors and vigilance!

You are right in that not everyone is afraid of food but I've met enough post-ops that are that I know it's a problem! I don't believe in personifying food but I've heard it called evil, the devil, etc., etc. I am probably guilty of that as well sometimes. 

But I also know that the mere thought "I wish I could eat more" seemed wrong to me as a newbie. But I did. And not just because of my head demons. When you can only really take three bites and you are done, do you ever just get to enjoy a good meal? Not really. And I came to accept that. I still have to accept that I may never get to enjoy a big, juicy steak again (although 5 oz. of chicken goes down fine). But there is nothing wrong with liking to eat. Food is good. Maybe our relationship with it wasn't but food is good.