Dating post-rn

Carrie W.
on 1/17/13 4:42 am - KY

Hi all!  It's been a while since I checked in here.  I'm almost 2 years post-rny.  I'm down to 170 from my high of 350 or so. 

I have profiles up on online dating sites but I just recently updated them with more current pics. I've not exactly been flooded with inquiries but I've been contacted quite a few times. 

 

So far I've been on 5 dates. Not a single one wanted anything to do with me after that date. My ego is really taking a bruising. 

 

I've been upfront with them about my surgery and current size. I put in my ads that I run so maybe they're looking for the typical runner instead of what I really am - a still over weight, floppy, flabby I-run-because-I-can type of runner. 

I don't know. Makes me want to just give it up. I'm 33 years old and never married. I always blamed my lack of male attention on my weight. But maybe it's me?  Or maybe my body is worse looking than I think it is?  

All this has led back to some depression which in turn makes me want to turn to food. I've been pretty good at turning that need loose on my treadmill though its been broken. 

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here but surely somebody has been in my shoes?

  HW 347/SW 328/CW 176/GW 160                   
 
  
Oxford Comma Hag
on 1/17/13 5:00 am

It may be that surgery is a topic best saved for a later date. Or it may be other things. You might get a lot more info on the singles forum. 

Keep your chin up. You've made great progress, so don't let some bum dates get you down.

I fight badgers with spoons.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255

Suicidepreventionlifeline.org

BWB
on 1/17/13 5:01 am

Maybe you are looking in all the wrong places.  Try getting a job where there are lots of people going and coming.  Get a new make up and hair do.  Join some clubs, take up a hobby, volunteer at church/hospital/charity etc.  Be active, I think that is what lots of friends look for.  Read, go to concerts, develop skills, and maybe go back to school in a different field.  Hope you will try new things.

               
Citizen Kim
on 1/17/13 5:03 am - Castle Rock, CO

There is a singles board that has A LOT of good information and advice:

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/wls_singles/

The most important thing in online dating is honesty - honest pictures and honest profile.   However, having said this, you are under no obligation to share your WLS with anyone and I would recommend that you keep it to yourself until you enter into a relationship (rather than on a profile or date).

Positivity and understanding what men want in a partner is key -  I'm happy to help in PM if you want.

I made a ton of mistakes when I first started dating and am more than happy to share my experiences - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly!!!

Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist

Solio
on 1/17/13 2:05 pm - China
poet_kelly
on 1/17/13 5:25 am - OH

I'm not sure that has anything to do with the fact that you've had surgery.

Since my partner and I split up, I've gone on a few dates.  In one case, I never heard from the guy again - and I don't think I even mentioned to him that I had surgery.  One guy, I mentioned it, kind of in passing, but I feel certain it had nothing to do with the reason we didn't have a second date.  He just got... weird.  With another guy, I don't think I mentioned it to him and he saw my scar and didn't ask what it was from (I had one incision that didn't heal well and it left a very noticeable scar).  With another guy, I told him, I can't remember why but it seemed relevant to the conversation, and he said oh, that's interesting, he thought about having RNY himself a few years ago but ended up losing almost 100 lbs by giving up soda instead.  I guess he used to drink a LOT of soda.

Anyway, I think when you're meeting people from dating sites, sometimes it's just not gonna work out.  I doubt it has anything to do with surgery or how your body looks.  I mean, are the guys you're dating all skinny with great bodies?

View more of my photos at ObesityHelp.com          Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor.  Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me.  If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her.    Check out my blog.

 

_Islander_
on 1/17/13 6:26 am
RNY on 03/11/13

Don't dispair. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. :-)

        

        
Kat1313
on 1/17/13 7:19 am - Jacksonville , FL
RNY on 04/08/13

My daughter, who is a size 2 to 4, blond, blue-eyed, physically fit and very pretty tried internet dating for a while.......all she ended up with was losers and weirdos.  I'm not kidding, every single one was "off" in some way.  Some, scarily so.

She finally started meeting people through friends and is in a very stable, happy relationship now.  She says she would NEVER go back to internet dating.

Try the suggestions others have made - volunteer, church, book clubs, other activities.

Citizen Kim
on 1/17/13 9:35 am, edited 1/17/13 9:51 am - Castle Rock, CO

I'm sure you don't mean this to be as judgemental and rude as it sounds.

EVEN your gorgeous daughter only got losers when internet dating - so what hope is there for anyone not a size 2 and pretty? Cos that's how it came across!  

There are many people who have found successful relationships online (I am one) and some have even found love and marriage on OH!!!!! 

I'm glad your daughter was able to find a happy relationship ...

Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist

Kat1313
on 1/17/13 9:18 pm, edited 1/17/13 9:23 pm - Jacksonville , FL
RNY on 04/08/13

Oh, my gosh......I am so, so sorry.  I never intended it that way - it didn't even occur to me that it might imply that those of us with weight problems couldn't possibly find happy relationships.  I sincerely apologize to everyone who may have read this and been offended or hurt.  My only point was that internet dating is difficult and can even be dangerous, as you just don't know who you are meeting and my daughter did end up meeting some very strange men.

Again, I apologize for my unintended insensitivity.  Thank you for pointing this out to me......I feel like I should go crawl under a rock.....and deservedly so.

Sincerely, Kathy

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