finally overcoming my hurdles and what a moment :)

well, i know i have been in therapy for a long time, but i never admitted i was an emotional eater. my therapist kept saying bored is an emotion. so on so forth. the other day i had a break down in my car as i was driving to pick up my Chinese food order...for earlier my husband and i had a small spat/talk. and i was upset. and i thought to myself after i got the food....wow..i am an emotional eater not just when i am bored. and i opened my mind up to to see when i eat; bored, happy, sad, lazy, "not paying attention", etc. i skipped on recording my food for about 12 days on MFP. and i decided to record for that day after everything i ate to see how much i was eating because to be honest...i gained 14 pounds back. ugh. anyway  here are my shameful stats for the day.

calories,carbs,fat,protein,sugar

see what i mean by shameful. i know it is...now i am wondering have i eaten like this the last 12 days!?!?! i know i didn't eat to that extreme, but i know i at probably roughly 3,000... anyway i started recording again 3 days ago. my goal is 1,000-1,200 a day and i have been getting there its about 1,400 a day, i cant go from one extreme to another in a snap. also allow 1 "cheat day" a week. why did i put that in quotes. well because its going to be a moderated cheat day, not a gun-ho splurge. like yesterday was my cheat day (my husbands and i always have 1 date a week) instead of 1,400 i at 1,800 which isn't too bad. also i started exercising!!!! not much cause i don't want to make my disease flare up too much. but a simple walk around the block and 2 minutes of crunches/sit ups (i did 103!!! go me!) and my husband is doing the simple things with me also because he has a foot injury. and i am going to start my yoga again.

so now for the surprising  moment. i was laying in bed and my hubby and i were talking he says..why don't we get the boflex tred climber? i was like i would love too!!! i want that machine so bad, i have been thinking about it for a couple months. but i told him i want that to be my small goal machine. he said why. i said because the max weight is 300 pounds...i am 340 i want to get to 280 before getting it so i know i don't break the machine. i said can we get it when i do depending if our financial standing is good? he said yes :) i love that man!

sorry for this being rambley and long. when i am sick, i make less sense than i do normally.

~Shawna w.

I was surprised when my therapist said boredom is an emotion. I did not think I was an emotional eater until she said that.

 It's so very easy to take in thousands of calories. No trouble at all! Honestly recording every bite is a super accomplishment. Good for you! 

Let's skip the shame part and go forward, 'kay? God knows my past has enough shame for ten or twelve women even without the food issues. I'm working on learning from it and leaving it behind. Tonight is enough, one moment at a time...and I'm bored, restless, lonely...but maybe, just for now, I won't try to fix it with food.

You did 103 crunches!??! Yowsa!

i am/have moved past the shame part, i got over it the next day. for i dont want to dwell on something i cant take back really. i already dwell on things from the past but i am working on it. and right, i was thinking boredom is not an emotion. i suppose it is lol. and am learning as i go with calories cause i used to do just carb counting. its harder cause basically everything has calories...its tough. at first i feel like i am freaking starving ymself..but i am working on it.

and yes 103! so proud of myself!