I am the girl in the picture...

on 3/27/13 6:48 am - At Home in, NH

I can relate because however much we'd like to spout that we are self-confident, assured, strong women, when it comes to matters of the heart, and the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your thing), we are insecure, constrained, seeking assurance kind of gals.  Can't really explain it better than that (well I could if I felt like writing a length tome), but basically no matter how much confidence and bravado I have (and I got it and a lot of it), when it comes to matters of the heart/sex, desire, etc., I am an uncertain, wimpy, needing assurance kind of woman.  Totally drives me crazy and flies in the face of my feelings of personal strength, but there it is.  I want to be desired, I want to be wanted, I want to be needed; and how, possibly can I be if I'm not the ideal woman? 

Okay, that's my f*&# up perspective, and I battle it constantly.  I'm winning the battle, but it's an awful, awful bloody victory, with many casualties and scarred battle grounds.  Sometimes I just pretend I'm Stewart Smalley (of Al Franken SNL fame) and look in the mirror and say:  "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it people like me!"  It also helps that I have the chutzpah to proclaim that my guy should be damn well lucky to have snagged someone like me (even with my jiggly bits and my inordinate need for assurance that I am sexy).

My 2 cents (and probably not even worth that).....

"Just keep swimming." ~ Dorrie

Citizen Kim
on 3/27/13 7:15 am - Castle Rock, CO

I did the online dating thing for 3 years ****il meeting my lovely boyfriend on POF!!!).   My pictures weren't me posed catalogue style, they were action shots - pictures taken doing stuff I enjoy.   In my role as online dating consultant kiss(which I do for a few people on here, believe it or not!) - I always advise ONE catalogue pic, with the rest taken on vacations, skiing, passing the marathon finish line, cooking cupcakes;, on the laptop writing your third novel - whatever is your passion.

Your pictures SHOULD reflect who you are - if you are the cool chick, THAT's what your picture should show, if you are a reflective, thoughtful chick, THAT's what they should show - otherwise you are selling something you are not going to be able to deliver ... but I don't get the feeling that's what you do at all - you are clever enough to know there is no payoff in giving any false impressions.

Any man that gets a date with you is lucky - there are lots of people who have way more hang ups and less confidence than you do - even if you do have your moments of self doubt - you know you are a hot tamale so get out there and sizzle!!!!!!



Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist

Carla M.
on 4/17/13 3:09 pm
RNY on 02/21/11 with

I completely understand being self conscious about a possible ( beware of way old school term here) suitor not thinking what's under the clothes sexy. But, sticking to my old-fashioned values...you're gonna go on a date! Not give away every secret you have! Yes, the beauty of pictures, and even clothes, are that they hide a plethora of flaws. We can tuck, cinch, drape, suck-in, and mask just about anything. Let's face it...we've become pros at hiding any hint of our former seles from the rest of society. With that said, by the time you are ready to reveal the hidden secret of, holy cow, extra skin, you'll have had time to share your journey, dazzle him with your insanely wonderful personality, and he'll be too engulfed in everything wonderful about you that he won't even notice it.

I, too, met my boyfriend online. We've been together four 4.5 yrs and he saw me through my weightloss surgery and journey. He continues to assure me that my extra skin is just that, extra. That it does not take away from how sexy I am. I KNOW that you will meet someone that will love every inch of you and never feel like you were inauthentic. You are beautiful, smart, and worth more than you know. Just ask anyone that you've helped in their wl journey. You are priceless.