Will I loose him when he looses his weight??
My boyfriend of 9 months has chosen to have the same surgery I had and the same surgeon because of negitive run around from a prior hospital, they sent him through hoops and loops. So now that he has received his approval letter, I am worried about loosing him, once he drops this weight, That's crazy isn't it? Maybe because I know how the change effects your whole outlook on life, Maybe he won't want to be in a steady relationship anymore. I know I didn't at first after loosing 100 pound my self confidence went to the roof, then I met him and he has watch me loose and learned my way of eating.
He just told me last month that he has been fighting the feelings but he is now in Love with me. I know you are probably saying if he loves me , nothing will change that. Well, I don't feel that right now. I know he is a very handsome man at the weight of 360, and love him just as he is, but I still think of the fact that when the ladies see this transformation and he receives all this new attention, I may be put on the back burner. I still battle with my self esteem you know the surgery did not remove that part of me reguardless of the 118 pounds I've lost in a year. I still long for someone to see me just for who I am not my new curves and looks. I hope he is the type of man I believe he is. I hope he remembers how much we now love each other, and not let this weight loss go to his head! Well at least we can work out together and share a meal together or something.
Nobody knows about his surgery but me so I am the main supporter even after he comes home I will have to stay with him at his place for a few days.. I feel I should start turning our relationship into only friends until he balances out , or maybe I need to balance out LOL..thanks for listening to my insecurities OH Family! I'm still loosing and still learning too!
You are waaaaay overthinking this! Just let the relationship be and grow as it will (or not). Don't put additional obstacles in it's way so you can then blame WLS!!!!!
Good relationships tend to thrive quite well after WLS, only the ones that are shakey to start with flounder ...
Love him and let him love you!
Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist
You might lose him. But you might not. You can't control it, either way, so there is no reason to stress about it now. Just keep on keepin' on. Don't borrow trouble. (And this is coming from someone whose 13 year marriage just ended - not because of the surgery.)
HW: 274 | SW: 232 | CW: 137 | Goal: 145 (ticker includes a 42 pound loss pre-op) | Height: 5'4"
M1: -24 (205) | M2: -14 (191) | M3: -11 (180) | M4: -7 (173) | M5: -7 (166) | M6: -8 (158) | M7: -11 (147) | M8: -2 (145) | M9: -3 (142) | M10: -2 (140) | M11: -4 (136) | M12: -2 (134) | M13: -0 (134) | M14: -3 (131) | M15: +4 (135) | M16: +2 (137)
I can completely appreciate where you are coming from. I have a similar issue but in reverse. My boyfriend is incredibly fit and has been since we met three years ago. When we first met I was about 60lbs lighter than I am now and he loved my curves. Since having our daughter 2 years ago, I have put on a lot of weight and it has greatly impacted my self esteem. He loves me, I don't doubt that, but I can tell that he no longer finds me sexy. I have feared that he would leave me for someone "prettier" many times, though he assures me that won't happen. However, now that I am losing weight and getting prepared for WLS (next Thursday), the tables have turned. He is now VERY insecure that HE will lose me once I drop all the excess weight. What I say to him, is the same advice I would give you. I am not with him because I can't "get" someone else. I am with him because I love him. It is insulting for him to say otherwise. If your man really loves you, it won't matter what you look like or what he looks like. That kind of superficial outlook is NOT love. But you have to learn to love yourself, first. =)
on 7/2/13 3:05 am - OH
I appreciate your concern and there is guaranteed answer. Some relationships last a life time and some but for a season. I would just encourage you to work through your insecurities.
I believe it was Dr. Phil who once said, "What you fear, you create." I believe that in many, many cases this is true. If you fear something without abandon, your words and actions can result in the very thing that you fear. It doesn't mean that it would be your fault. Some time there is nobody at fault, things change and people change. BUT some people go through many changes, many good times and many adversities and yet, the changes bring them closer together.
As a Christian, my most important relationship is with Christ and as long as I have that one flourishing, life is good.
I hope only the best for you.
Best Wishes,
Vickilee
Prov. 3:5,6
There's just no way to know what will happen tomorrow or thereafter. You can only work with the present and plan for the future. Only you can decide if you trust him enough with your future to move forward with him. I do know, when my husband (at that time of 7 years) lost 200+ pounds, it changed his personality for a while. A once loving, giving, supportive husband, turned into a self absorbed ass! It took us several years of ups and downs, and counseling, but here we are, married 15 years now, and glad we fought for our marriage. We're both healthy and love each other very deeply.
