Divorce after an RnY

So show of hands out there, how many of you out there went through a divorce within 2 years of your RnY?  It has only been a little over 3 months since my surgery and it would appear that my marriage will become a casualty.  Now I will say that things were not altogether great before the surgery, and many of the issues that were present before the surgery did not go away after the surgery and really were not completely related to my weight.  Though there were a few problems that were magnified in relationship to the surgery process and ultimately became the catalyst for the straw that finally broke the camel's back.

So while I sit in a little bit of isolation figuring out what the next chapter in my life will hold for me my question is, has this happened to anyone out there, and how did you cope with staying on track and eating healthy?  I wasn't getting a lot of support at home in the exercise department, and now I am trying to force myself to do things that are going to better myself, basically figuring out ways to get out of my temporary living quarters. 

I guess one of the positives right now is that I lack a scale, which is good.  I no longer can obsess about what I am weighing on a daily basis and have really no idea if I am hitting a plateau or still losing.

So if any one has some words of wisdom that they can impart on me I am all ears.

Thanks for reading!

I was almost four years post op when my partner and I separated.  Our separation had nothing to do with my weight loss or surgery, though.

I think any time we go through a lot of stress, it can be hard to stay on track.  I actually had less appetite for a while.  I was so heartbroken and stressed out that my stomach felt constantly upset and I didn't want to eat much, which is unusual for me.  Usually even when I'm depressed, I want to eat.  Sometimes I want to eat more, for comfort.  I had to make an effort to get enough protein during that time.

I also found going for long walks helped me, so I ended up getting a bit more exercise than I had been getting.  I had a LOT of trouble sleeping and would take long walks in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and felt too anxious and restless to just sit quietly in the house.

Making a daily "to do" list helped me a lot, and it's something I still do almost every day.  It helps me keep from getting overwhelmed, and when we first split up, and then when I was moving, there was so much to do I almost felt paralyzed by it all.  I made a list of things to do and crossed them off as I did them, and the list included things like "take a walk, take vitamins, eat lunch, take a shower."  For some reason I get a lot of satisfaction from crossing things off my list, so that really helps me get stuff done.

I think walking is probably going to be the thing for me.  I am an avid photographer and plan on doing a lot more photo walks.

I am blessed to have a husband who loved me fat and loves me thin however, I do want to tell you I am sorry for your loss.  Whether it was good or bad, it is still a loss.  I am glad you turned here for support and hope you will continue to do so.

There is no way to know what the future brings for you.  Mostly it will be a day to day battle as you learn to do for yourself in all ways and to learn to believe that you will succeed at whatever you decide you want!  

God bless you and stay in contact. 

I separated at 5 years post RNY and am only now divorcing 4 years later  for many reasons ...    It's made no difference to my weight in the long term - I had a period of weight loss when we separated but that all righted itself once I came to terms with it and settled into my new life as a single mum.

I have to say WLS had NOTHING to do with the end of my marriage ...  There were problems from day one but we limped through 12 years.   I have to say it is now a great relief and we get along just fine - we have two children and everything has been very civilised and adult.    Our children are just fine and spend time with both of us with no drama - we've always kept our divorce and the reasons between ourselves - children have no business being used by either parent!!!!   Birthday parties are no problem - no one is waiting for it to kick off or anything - everyone can be relaxed when we are all in the same room (us plus our new partners) BECAUSE we make a conscious effort to do so!

Good luck in this new chapter of your life - you will be just fine (in the end!) 

Well...hopefully this will be civilized.  Though I only time will tell.

I separated from my husband 4 months after I had surgery but ours was a ticking time bomb.  I lost my good job due to the stress of our marriage, our issues, and my weight gain where I had lost 115 pounds before i met him.  He was an acoholic....no matter what I tried or he promised, it couldn't be saved. When I met him I thought I could conquer the world and had no idea he was an alcoholic but I did when I married him but all the promises in the world couldn't save us.   I had surgery so I could regain my life back.  Get a job so I could move on....I decided to leave him without a job, September of 2012.  I just could no longer handle it.  He ended up losing a very good job and he just never recovered from it all.  He had moments of sobriety after I left but he passed away April 28th of this year.  Talk about devastating!  I am still dealing with that struggle.  I have decided that all of this will not be in vain and I will get the remaining of this weight off!!  I had my moments of bad eating and no exercising but I'm back on track.  Thank goodness!  And yes the scale is my nemesis as of late...no downward movement but I'm not gaining so I hope the body is just adjusting to all the positive changes!! 

I wonder sometimes if I would have done things differently but would it have changed the course of my path?  Probably not. I know I had to do what was best for me and my son.  I had to move back in with my Mom because the job I have doesn't pay nearly what I was making before.  Its been a struggle figuring out what to eat and cook...when it's not really your house or your kitchen but I've decided I have got to do this and do it for me.  

I went back to school in January 2013 and when the first semester was over, I decided I had to get to exercising.  That always been my downfall.  So, even though the scale seems stopped, I know that I am making progress.  I just have to keep taking steps forward.  I hope that in all of this I will find out what makes me happy and if I can be happy just maybe down the road...the perfect person will come into my life....not perfect...just perfect for me.  

I can impart this wisdom, life is to short to be unhappy....if you think it's worth saving then work on it.  Find out what makes you happy.   I just want to be the best I can be and know I've done all I can to make a better life.  

Now go forth and prosper!!  :) 

Hang in there seriously, there will be good days and there will be days of wondering what in the hell have I done.....I wake up in the middle of the night crying but when I wake up, I'm happy to be alive and know God's got this...I just have to let it all work out in time.  

Take Care,

Sherry

Wow..that is quite a tale.  Thank you for taking the time to respond. And you are correct, life is way to short to be unhappy.

I know...it seems quite nightmarish some days....but they are getting better and Zumba helps immensely. And a trip to the beach to put my toes in the sand.  Very therapeutic for the soul.  Wishing you nothing but the best.

Sherry

Sorry that your relationship is changing.  I can't offer any advice on that front except to keep a level head and don't let addictions take over your life.  I understand that it is easy to slip into alcoholic  relationships.  My best wishes for you.  You will recover in time.