Reverting to horrible eating habits, and freaking out!

I've been on such a high for the past month - having lost 108 lbs, being under my all my revised goal weights, and hearing people be so complimentary about my weight loss, and buying lots of nice, little clothes.  But very bad eating habits are creeping back, and I am in major freak out mode, and very scared!!!  When I fall off the wagon, I fall hard.  Since my surgery last November, most of the time it has been easy to stay on track and eat really healthy.  For the first six months I was never hungry and rarely had any cravings.  It was a wonderful feeling to be so in control and not tempted, and not having to exert any self-discipline.  Now, things have changed.  I am at the place that I worried about getting to, when I first started researching this surgery years ago.

I currently weigh 124.4...gained 1.5 lbs in the past few days, after over nine months of consistent weight loss.  I know - that's not a big deal in the scheme of things.  But I can see where this is headed if I don't nip it in the bud.  I'm paranoid because I self-sabotage.  Every single time I lost weight in my life, I always put it all back on, plus more.  And it always happened quickly.

Fortunately, because of my RNY surgery, there are now physical limits to the amount of food I can eat, and I am so thrilled that I am at this miraculous weight, and never want to do battle with obesity again, but I am so worried!!  These past few weeks I've been having little "treats", and instead of stopping at a moderate amount, I'm increasingly eating more and more.  Yes, there are times that I am genuinely hungry (hate having that feeling back after being free of it for so long post-surgery), but, many times I am simply dealing with "head hunger" and cravings for all the bad things that I used to consume in vast quantities.  Last night, after eating over 1,300 calories by 5:30 pm (I've been trying to aim for 1,300 total each day, including 70-90 g of protein), I went home and ate a dinner roll, 8 ginger snap cookies, 2 mini ice cream bars, cereal and milk, and 2 slices of raisin toast with butter.  It was INSANE but I felt totally out of control...powerless against my cravings.  The more I had, the more I wanted.  Lately the crappy eating has been insidiously coming back.  On several days I had double-scoop ice cream cones!!  One day I ate 2 1/2 muffins.  Crap food that does me no good, but that I love.  I've been having small pieces of cookies, tarts and cakes.  Unfortunately, I am not a "dumper".  I really wish I was because that would be helpful in terms of stopping me from eating sugary/starchy foods.

Some people would say that once we hit our goal weight, we have to learn to live in moderation, but that was never my strong suit.  If I give myself an inch, I'll take ten miles.  There is a long list of red-light foods that can send me spiralling down into a miserable abyss.  But I don't want to feel that I can never have anything I crave, because that sucks.

Sorry for my whining but I'm just in a bad mental/emotional place right now.  I'm determined to get back on track today, but I'm consumed by (pardon the pun), horrified and extremely guilty because of my recent awful eating behaviours.  Thanks for listening.  Anyone out there who is grappling with the same issues?

Hey there. Not quite the same, but I used to have horrible ice cream binges. Even buying it felt like something out of my control, as if it was happening to someone else. I'd started seeing a naturopath, and he determined that I had a sensitivity to sugar, dairy and fat (the ice cream trifecta). While it seems ridiculously new-agey, he treated it for me (used the Nambudripad Allergy Elimination Technique, http://www.naet.com/), and I haven't craved or binged since. I've had a it a few times since, but always in small, controlled amounts, rather than a litre at a sittiing. It might help.

Also, do you have a support group, a therapist, or something like Overeater's Anonymous that you can use as a resource?

I'm very intrigued by this treatment you went through. What exactly does it entail??

Basically, it's a "realignment" of the body's energy while you hold a sample vial of whatever you have issues with. You then have to avoid the substance (where possible) for 25 hours and treat some pressure points. As I said, it was pretty new agey for my tastes, but it works for me. You have to be well hydrated for it to work, but diagnosis consists of having you hold a sample vial and the practitioner pushes against your raised arm. If there's no problem, your arm is steady no matter the pressure. If you have issues, your arm will move, sometimes dramatically. I was initially very skeptical, but some of the things I was diagnosed with made sense given my previous medical history, others I wouldn't have guessed but made sense, and some things I thought I might have issues with weren't a problem. 

You'll need to find a certified practitioner, which you can through the web site link, http://www.naet.com/.

Hope this helps!

Are you seeing a therapist or anyone like that? If not, I would highly recommend that you consider it. Try it. If you don't like it you don't have to go back. Do you know why you self sabotage? What have you done that makes you feel that you are unworthy of being successful with your tool? It's not when you reach your goal weight that you need to learn to live a more healthy lifestyle it's while you are working your way there.

I am sure you see from your list of binge times from last night that carbs seem to be a big trigger for you. Me too. It's a ***** If I get started on the carb train early in the day I can't get off. I just go from one carb heavy thing to another. I have had to give up as many refined carbs as I can.  But I believe in saying, "I don't eat ___." not, "I can't eat ___." I never said I can't eat liver. I said I don't eat liver. So I don't say I can't eat pasta. I say I don't eat pasta. It's one word but it's helped me.

Looking at food as a "reward" is never good for anyone. Food is not good, bad, a reward or a punishment. It's just food. Try rewarding yourself in other ways. I like to do small things that I couldn't do when I was fat. Or wouldn't do when I was fat because I didn't want to draw attention to myself.

You can do this. You deserve to be successfull in all your efforts be it weight loss or otherwise.

For me it has been difficult to switch from the mindset of weight loss to maintenance.  For almost 3 years I have had my eye set on a goal.(including pre op)  Once I reached it I felt myself starting to self sabotage as well.  I still have to make it a constant battle of eating well and not reaching for things I shouldn't.  I can't keep trigger foods like ice cream and peanut butter in the house.  I would never eat a full bowl of ice cream, but I would graze spoonfuls all day.  I do treat myself on occasion, but I go to the store and buy only enough for a small treat.  I also keep lots of cherry tomatoes and other prepared veggies that are easy for me to grab when I am in the gotta have something NOW mode.  

I think it is good that you have recognized this problem and are fixing it before it gets out of control.  It might be good to talk to a therapist or go to OA to figure out why you want to do this.  I know weigh****chers gets a bad rap, but if you can find a good leader they have lots of techniques to help you get in control of your eating.  It also helps me to come here every day.  I don't always post, but it helps keep me on track.

It seems like the carbs area real trigger for you like they are for me. That's why I keep all that processed stuff out of my house. If I decide to enjoy it it is out and I share with my husband. It's not that I can't eat these things it's just that I choose not to because of the cravings they give me. I'm proud of you for catching yourself so quickly. You can take control of your eating just like before one decision at a time.

Why are you doing it and how long is it taking you to eat those foods (the ones you had after dinner last night)?  Just curious because it is a lot of food and I'm pretty sure I couldn't eat that without being awfully sick.

You MUST get a handle on it now, under 1 year out you need to make some good habits.  Find a counselor, journal, identify WHY.  You ARE on a slippery slope if you don't catch this now because right now you can eat just about anything without regain.....not so in the next 6-12 months.

I am currently going through the same thing.  I am 16 months out.  I have lost 100 pounds.  The carbs are starting to creep back in and I need to get off of them real soon before I start gaining weight.  I sat down last night and hate a 1/2 bag of cheetos.  But I'm like you, I know that I need to be more disciplined.  I am staying away from sugar and sweets.  I don't know if I dum*****t, I have not tested that as of yet since I am diabetic and don't want to.  But I do crave crackers, cheetos and sugar free cookies.  Let's get back on track together!!!          debbie

I can certainly empathize with you about being out of control with food.  I would suggest you keep the "treats" out of your home, if at all possible.  If your trigger foods are not there, you can't indulge.  It's that simple !  Easier said than done though.  For support I attend Overeaters Anonymous meetings.  There are no diet plans there, just people who understand where your coming from and are trying to live without compulsive eating. Hope you can find an answer and get back on track. I wish you well, Annie !