The battle is never fully won

pamkb
on 12/6/13 8:35 am - Crestview, FL
I was reading with interest another thread about embracing life after WLS that had many posts from both sides of the fence on the whole "I'm never going back there" idea. I am sure all the posts came from the heart of each one but I wonder if all truly know how their words affect others? Or maybe they don't care. Afterall, this is their journey, just as it is mine and just as it is yours. I now understand how some of my posts would have seemed hurtful or judgemental when I was breezing through weight loss & had that same mind set.

I was one of those people who swore I would not have regain, that I had this 'no matter what it takes' mentality. Promised myself I would always be in the lower statistic category that never regains. I followed all the rules, was a runner & bicyclist & strength trained. I was on top of my game. Then someone crossed the center line and hit me on my motorcycle and all of a sudden I was immobile for some time, just as I started to physically & mentally recover from that, my beloved Momma was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The woman who has been my biggest cheerleader, hand-holder, supporter for 45 years was fading fast and I was all alone. I was lost in my emotional and physical pain.

So I had a regain of 20 pounds over the past 14 months before I put the brakes on the train ride to the past. Sad part is, I would have come back here to OH and to the basics at about 14-15 pound regain but I knew there would be some censorship. And whether they mean to or not - those that say "I" will never go back; "I" won't let that happen to me is kind of censoring those of us who has had life happen to; as if somehow we failed ourselves. The veterans cringe when they hear these words because they have seen the stories so often; stories like mine. I didn't fail myself; I simply got lost.

We can be confident, nurturing, empowering - always basking in the glow of our accomplishment. But we need to never forget that the MO battle is never fully won. It can be lost or it can be successfully engaged in combat and battled with diligence and knowledge. But as long as we are breathing, it is never fully won or can be put away.

Blessings to all - regardless of where you are at in your journey & commitment.

I am creating my own revolution and PAMdemonium reigns!

RNY 11/16/2010

SW 270, CW 155, GW 135

1st 5k time 40:34 (Dec 2013)

 

 

 

 

Trisha S.
on 12/6/13 8:42 am - TX
RNY on 12/02/13

Thank you for this reminder! I just had my surgery on Monday and know I have a long road ahead of me. 

Trisha

        
Stacy Sikes
on 12/6/13 8:59 am - OR
I just started my journey on Dec 2nd. I would hope that I would be there for those who have had life happen, who as you said got lost. I have never told myself I would never go there again. Because I know things happen. I know how many years it took me to get this heavy and how long it took me to do something life changing to get it done. This site has been a blessing to me on helping with questions to giving support. I would like to believe that there are more people who step up and give the encouragement that so many people need when when they get back on the wagon of weight loss. I would not think you failed yourself ever. I appreciate you sharing all of this. I do hope that in time with my postings that people will see that it is not all about praising when things are going great, but encouraging when things are not.

      

RNY on 12/2/13 with Emma Patterson,    Highest  Weight: 352 ; . Surgery Day: 334

                                
Cicerogirl, The PhD
Version

on 12/6/13 9:10 am, edited 12/6/13 9:10 am - OH

I am so sorry that you were hesitant to come back here because of fear of being judged for some regain.  Life happens, and no one can predict what will happen or  what effect it will have on us ohysiologically (e.g., need for long term steroid meds with accompanying weight gain), psychologically (e.g., trauma, grief/depression), or in terms of our eating (e.g., pouch issues, kidney issues that require decreasing protein and sodium consumption), so -- IMO -- anyone who says "never" is being very naive and/or deluding themselves.  

As you point out so eloquently, they are also hurting others with an elitist attitude.  At six years out, I have thus far been able to maintain my weight loss and I fully INTEND to continue to do so, but I don't have a crystal ball, and if for some reason I run into a bump in the road with my weight maintenance, that isn't a reflection on my character, my commitment, my intelligence, or my internal fortitude.

i always hope that people take into account that most -- but not all -- of the people who say "never again" or "x pounds gone forever" are not people who have been living with maintaining their weight and are still looking through rose colored glasses.  Some of them absolutely will be able to maintain their weight loss (and my wish would be that EVERYONE could), but you are correct that those statements either come with an implicit judgment or are perceived to.

Lora

14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.

Ladytazz
on 12/6/13 9:27 am

I know what you are saying.  I cringe whenever someone writes "XXX pounds lost forever!"  Sorry, you may be able to keep those pounds away with work and staying diligent but never say forever because you may find yourself eating those words along with a lot of other things you swore you were done forever.

I stopped all WLS support when I started gaining.  I stopped going to my doctor because I was so embarrassed at being a failure.  Like I am so important that the world with stop because I gained some weight.  *****ally cares?  Other then some people without lives so they have something to gossip about but soon that is old news and they will find something new to gossip about.

I am about 3 1/2 years out from my revision and I have made a commitment to myself to stay accountable to others on this journey and to be honest.  Recently I have put on about 5 lbs and that makes me feel like I am a failure, even though I haven't changed how I eat and I look better with more weight.  Regain is hard no matter what the cir****tances and it is better to address it sooner then later.  

I am glad you are back and I am so sorry about your mother.  Stick around, post every day and let yourself be supported through this difficult time.

WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010

High Weight  (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.

Citizen Kim
on 12/6/13 9:45 am - Castle Rock, CO

There are enough of us here who DON'T judge those who don't make goal or *****gain,  to make it worth coming back her for support.   There are certainly those who have become fat haters, but they are outweighed by those of us who do remember why we are here ...

I will never consider my journey complete and can empathise with those who struggle at times broken heart    

Let those who think they are perfect pat each other on the back - thankfully, they don;t get to decide who gets to hang out here !

Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist

selhard
on 12/6/13 9:50 am - MN
RNY on 11/26/12

You speak to what I think about often.  Local WLS support group member's comments I've heard, "enjoy it while it lasts,"  "just wait til it comes back"  and "those that worry about gaining are the ones that usually do."  Some days I think, "dang it, let me have my moment"  Then, other days I think those comments just might help me to stay ever mindful.  If I make it to becoming the definition of a WLS veteran,  I hope to enjoy the honeymoon phase comments with shared excitement combined with offering kind reminders like you wrote, "MO is never fully won or can be put away."

illinois Gama D.
on 12/6/13 10:24 am

This is a beautiful , from the heart post, Welcome back! I am so sorry life has been rough for you, but sounds like you are getting it "all" under control, I LOVE," it is never fully won or can be put away" thank you and welcome home, Denise

Rny 2003

come join the new R&R 3.0, where the fun is:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miss Liss
on 12/6/13 10:39 am
So glad you came back. You have lots of wisdom to share.
cajungirl
on 12/6/13 10:58 am, edited 12/6/13 11:04 am

What a heartfelt post, Pam. I'm sorry you've had some difficult life situations lately.  

I agree with you 100%. None of us go into this wanting to regain but life happens sometimes and weight loss and maintenance work goes on the back burner. It happens and anyone that believes they are invincible and think it'll never happen to them can only hope that's the case.

Glad you decided to come back to OH. Better to work on the regain now instead of ignoring the situation or feeling embarrassed and not addressing support is helpful. You can get this regain off. Stay here with those of us that understand and will encourage and help you. 

Proximal RNY Lap - 02/21/05

 9 years committed ~  100% EWL and Maintaining

www.dazzlinglashesandbeyond.com

 

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