struggling!

I am really struggling right now with a lot of different things.  I am SCARED TO DEATH  of regain.  I am now 13 months out and am about 6 pounds away from a goal I thought could never be achieved.  I am a size 4/small and I look and feel fantastic.  I do well with my eating, better than I ever have in my life.  I've brought a few "trigger" foods into my house (not realizing) and have actually thrown them away - not just eaten them so they wouldn't be in the house like I used to.  My family is eating so healthy.  I have a 4 and 6 year old and we all eat protein forward and even they are primarily eating only healthy carbs.  I don't eat any fast food aside from an occasional Wendy's chili.  I still have a hard time eating dense meats, and sometimes still throw up.  I keep trying though, because they fill me up for so long that I think it is a wise choice to eat them.   I started running recently also.  I am definitely addicted to shopping!!  My struggle is that I am so very scared that this weight will come back on in a flash (like it always has before).  I keep reading about how hard it is between years 2 and 3.  My best friend had WLS about 8 years ago and has gained back nearly all of her weight and is addicted to cooking and eating unhealthy.  She grazes all day long and makes terrible food choices.  It seems like it is only a true minority that are actually able to maintain their weight loss.  I will be mortified and embarrassed if I regain my weight.  I love all my new clothes so much. . . I will be so sad if I can't fit into them anymore!!!  I've encouraged and supported everyone on here for the last year.  I know my problems may seem insignificant, but the winter is really getting me down.  I just need a little boost!  I couldn't have done any of this without the support of this community. 

Just being mindful is a big plus!   Most people *****gain a significant amount of weight, lose track of their new lifestyle.   Regain weight doesn't normally creep on - it actually gallops after a couple of years, so you just need to catch it when it's a couple of pounds and not 30 or 40!

We are all gung-ho in the early days but most of us relax a bit after the initial weight loss period and true maintenance (the hard work) doesnt start for a couple of years (4 years for me) and it gets harder as every year goes on - at coming up for 10 years out, every day is a struggle and I am constantly having to change things to keep the weight off.

Sorry to sound so pessimistic, and I know a lot of people don't like to hear the truth from those of us further out, but information is key to being successful long term!

I understand what you are feeling. I have felt the same since about 13 mths out. What I read on here is that yes it will get harder but you are making new routines. You and your children will be healthier for it. They do not need the junk either. I am at 2 yrs now and I hope that by keeping control of my eating I will one day be a 5 yr , 10 yr or more vet and still have maintained my weight. I still track my meals and calories. I know for me I will always have to do this. It is too easy to graze.

I am sorry your friend did not maintain her weight but this does not have to be you. I love cooking but now I like the challenge of new foods I can find that are tasty but good for me.

Good luck

I think those that gain a lot back are the minority.  If most people gained most of their weight back, why would insurance companies keep paying for WLS?

You won't gain it back in a flash.  If you gain some back, you'll do it gradually.  If you see that starting to happen, then you can take action to stop it.

I'll tell you what the secret to maintenance is.  It's to just keep doing the things you've been doing.  You know what things helped  you lose all that weight, right?  And you also know the things that caused you to gain weight before, right?  So you know what to do.  And you've been doing it for 13 months.  Just keep doing that.

Like Kim said, we feel like we are telling a little kid that there really is no Santa Claus and those presents were purchased with hard earned money.

During the first years after surgery you get to live in a pink cloud of bliss where it is easy to convince yourself that your obesity has been cured.  Right now you could cheat on your food plan and probably not gain an ounce.  That wonderful malabsorption will take care of all sins.

My honeymoon ended at month 30 when I suddenly gained three pounds.  It was not that big a deal as I was ten pounds under goal.  But the next month I gained three more and kept that up until I was six pounds over my goal.

Then I joined Weigh****chers, upped my protein, did more exercise.  The gain stopped but the weight did not go down.  I took over a year before I cut to a 800 calories diet and started to drop a pound a week. 

Now I fight hard to not have regain. Every year it gets harder and harder.  A small indulgence quickly shows up on the scale in the morning.  I never miss weighing myself, no matter how bad the news will be.  I watch every bite, drink lots of water, get plenty of exercise. 

I had a closet full of beautiful, expensive clothes and almost all of them still fit. I still wear size 4 jeans, but now buy medium instead of small tops.  When I went back to goal weight, I also went up in bra size from 34B to 36C.

But if I gave myself a break from the scale I would be shopping for bigger sizes. 

This is a big deal. The way you are feeling is not insignificant. I am glad you posted this. What everyone posted made so much sense. I am scared also.I am about four months out and it can be a challenge when it comes to meal time and eating healthy.
 

You should be proud that you have changed your family's eating habits also. I am sure before you had surgery you never exercised before either but now you are running. Don't compare yourself to your best friend. I am sure there are other things she does in her life that are not always the best choices. Your kids will follow what you do by eating healthy which is a great thing.Just keep doing what you are doing.Ask the vets they are such a big help.Enjoy your day and be proud of yourself of what you have accomplished so far.

Deep breathe... Keep calm and carry on...

You reminded me of my favorite children's poem by Shel Silverstein... "Whatif" -

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
And pranced and partied all night long
And sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems swell, and then
The nighttime Whatifs strike again!
 

Staying at goal can be done, you are doing it, just don't stick your head up your ass and ignore your body.  If you gain a pound or two you need to re-group and reduce your calories and get back where you want to be.  It really is about calories and movement.  Move more eat more, move less eat less.  Only you can figure out the formula, just don't ignore your weight, no one wakes up 20lbs heavier unless they are living in denial.  And I am pretty sure you know all about that, we all do, live in the here and now, keep feeding your body and your children healthy, enjoy the freedom of being out of your former MO body and have fun.  Life isn't about sitting around waiting for the buttons to pop off our clothes.  The more you live normally the more normal it becomes.  Enjoy!

You know, OcalaSam, I'd be more afeared of that shopping addiction than the regain fixation!  :-)

The message that haunted me after my malabsorption ended (about 20-24 months out) was "I'm going to wake-up obese one morning, I just know I am!"  And do you know how illogical that sounds and actually is?  You are not going to wake up one morning soon and find yourself having gained 100 lbs + on your scale overnight.  And you know what else?  YOU HAVE THE CONTROL; YOU HAVE THE POWER, YOU HAVE THE ABILITY to not regain.  Regain doesn't just happen instantaneously - wham!  There you go, you've gained 20 pounds overnight.  You can certainly, when the malabsorbtion ends, gain weight on what previously you could lose by doing, but not all in one fell swoop overnight.  And if you are cognizant of your weight, how your clothes feel, how much presence/space you are taking up, then you can make adjustments to keep the gain small and even prevent it outright. 

Like I said, the power is your hands.  Get jiggy with the lessons you've learned, get righteous with the habits you've formed, stay steady on course and continue on the journey.  You've read here (and I'll reiterate it once again), that you have to remain vigilent -- there's no burying your head in the sand if you want to maintain your weight.  You don't race to goal and then say -- "whew all done, now I can get back to life as it was."  That "race to goal" is really not the goal that will bring about any long-term success. 

Also just let me say, I think as former obese people we think that thin/slender/skinny people have it easy, that they can eat anything they want in quantities they want and not gain weight.  That's just not true for the majority of folks, skinny or otherwise.  They maintain by making slight adjustments to different calorie levels daily or by exercising a bit more vigorously.  But the main take-away is that they remain cognizant and vigilent to their numbers (scale, inches, sizes, whatever) and use those cues.  And I'm going out on a limb here, but I'd guess that a majority of obese people only got on the scale very infrequently, if ever, and because of that could remain in denial about their numbers.  Just a supposition, but I base it on the anecdotal stories read on these very forums (and my own life). So remain vigilent and think like the thin person you are becoming.

Also know that winter can be a hard time (go out and get some sun on that skin of yours...really does help with the SAD winter blues).  And know that you have the tool, the power, the knowledge, the habits and the DESIRE to maintain a weight range.  With that aresenal you can put the obessive fear to rest, and build the confidence in your awesome knowledge and ability!

This is a great response :)