Help Is this the right thing to do

on 2/14/14 10:44 pm

Here is my question or my situation I was going to have RNY on the 26th of this month I started my liquid diet with no problem, I had to have more blood work done two weeks prior to surgery and there was nicotine in my system so they cancelled my surgery until march 17. I was stressed and took a couple puffs of the vapor cig not a real one so they are making me go and have another nicotine test in 30 days. I am 100lbs overweight with  back issues bad knees and neouropathy , My husband just told me he really don't want me to have the surgery we can loose weight together and not to have it done  any suggestions 

on 2/14/14 11:26 pm - At Home in, NH

My suggestion to you is to really, really, seriously re-evaluate the why's of wanting this surgery and your level of dedication to wanting to change your life.  Being successful with WLS requires a HUGE amount of dedication, a complete lifestyle change forever, plus there's the physical alteration of your digestive system for the rest of your life.  

Apparently your program requires you to be nicotine free (and yeah for them!) in order to have the surgery.  Honestly evaluate what your dedication and compliance is to that requirement.  You know you are going to have stress for the rest of your life (never met someone who doesn't, have you?).  Do you have the dedication and the stick-to-it-ness to refrain from smoking during stressful and non-stressful times and not just in the short-term, but in the long term?  Because as I am viewing your situation, if you can't make that initial commitment, then you are possibly setting yourself up for failure.  Only you know how strong your desire truly is, and I suggest you look deep into your psyche and see if you are seriously ready for this level of commitment.

As for your husband not wanting you to have the surgery, have you asked him why?  Is it price, is it fear, is it something else that drives his decision?  Since you are in a relationship, it is always best to evaluate how your actions can effect that relationship.  Not that your decision should be based on only his desire, but that you take his thoughts and concerns into your decision making process. 

Anyway those are my suggestions.  #1) really, really reevaluate what your level of commitment is to this life-altering process and make your decision based on that and #2, find out why your husband objects to the surgery.  Once you've gotten answers and know your heart, then make the decision to either have or don't have the surgery.  Regardless of what your decision is, I wish you luck! 

"Just keep swimming." ~ Dorrie

on 2/14/14 11:47 pm

Thank you for the advice  you nailed it, I am not sure if he is scared or if it is the life change after I will make sure i find that out and I am not sure if that is my problem also im scared and the life change after, I have  one week to figure it out if im going to proceed or cancel .

on 2/15/14 1:04 am - OH

Why do you only have a week to decide?  You can cancel right up to the last minute and you can postpone surgery if you need more time to decide.

View more of my photos at          Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor.  Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me.  If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her.    Check out my blog.


Mary Catherine
on 2/14/14 11:52 pm

Almost anyone can lose the weight with diet and exercise.  Almost no one can keep the weight off without surgery.  It is hard to do with surgery, but much easier than without it.  The problem for smokers is getting ulcers after surgery.  It seems like it would be better for you to give up the cigarettes entirely (even the vapor ones).  If others in your home are smoking than it will be much harder to give them up.

Trading obesity for ulcers does not seem like a good plan.  Weight loss surgery makes it easier to lose weight because you are able to do it without feeling hungry again.  It gives you a tiny stomach to fill up.  I feel the same stuffed feeling after eating three ounces of meat that I used to feel after a huge Thanksgiving dinner.

Surgery is a decision that requires you to make changes in order to stay healthy.  Getting enough protein, taking vitamins, exercise and giving up smoking are all lifestyle changes.  Only you can decide when you are ready to do those things for yourself.

on 2/15/14 12:27 am - OH

Do you think you can lose the weight without surgery?  Most people cannot lose that much weight, or if they do they gain it all back.  Only about 5% of people are able to lose 100 lbs and keep it off without surgery.  But if you're one of those 5%, then by all means, do.

If you're like most people, though, you've already tried that and it hasn't worked for you.

View more of my photos at          Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor.  Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me.  If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her.    Check out my blog.


on 2/16/14 12:56 am

I had surgery on Feb 3rd. A few of my thoughts for doing so. I am 5'1, 260 lbs and have Poly Cystic Ovarian syndrome. I can lose weight with diet and exercise. I have lost weight with diet and exercise, but have difficulty losing and maintaining because of hormone struggles and emotional ups and downs because of it. I chose to have surgery because I know it will be a fantastic tool that will always be there to aide in my weight loss. I am aware of all the changes that are involved, and yes, still have to modify diet and exercise to be successful, but have to do that without surgery anyway. I see surgery as being an internal support system, a partner that you can count on who is always in your corner, as long as you treat them with the dignity and respect that you deserve. And by doing that, it will pay off in the end. I am also looking forward to the fact that surgery will make the battle easier for me. Seeing that I have to keep the same commitment level as I would have without surgery, why would I not seize the opportunity to help myself out?! 

Please take everyone's advice and really evaluate what is right for you. Surgery was definitely right for me. Even though I am only two weeks post surgery, and am still on my liquid diet, I feel great. I am walking every day. And I know I waited till I was ready, even though I was worried and doubtful and second-guessing before surgery, I think everyone goes through this....I still knew it was the best choice for me. :)

Take some time for yourself, sit quietly and try to listen to your own voice. Best of luck to you.

on 2/16/14 10:12 am

I agree that it's time to really take a hard look at what you are getting into. Here is my experience.  I lost 300 pounds my senior year of high school through diet and all came back...and , and a pay and weigh, and and endless saga of diets and doctors and medications later got me to a twelve step program. 18 months later i lost 198 pounds, had a lot of therapy, spent hours in meetings, at the gym, and in the doctors office, getting joint replacements. I still had to lose over 180 pounds AND I STALLED FOR 3 YEARS.......eating protein, salad, fruit and steamed veggies. In the meantime, I got diabetes, asthma, cancer, (which grows in fat) and wound up blowing out both my legs and wound up in a wheelchair. My roommate, (granted, not husband, but this person was paying my bills cause i was too sick to work) did not want me to have the surgery either....because he liked to eat also, and was afraid that the changes i needed to continue to make in my life were going to affect him. Some of them did...there were days right after my surgery when the smell of his greasy hamburger turned my stomach and i had to leave the room.......but for the most part, we share groceries now and i eat what i need to eat and he buys his junk food on his own...and he has lost a few pounds and i hit my goal a few weeks ago. Its about communicating boundaries around food for us. And, ultimately, even though he was scared, and really creeped out by doctors and hospitals and stuff like that, he didn't throw me out.........we respect each others choices ...on my part, it's hard to watch him eat stuff and have to start insulin. At the same time, my asthma, cancer, diabetes are all in remission, and overall I feel better. I reached the decision to have the surgery by really getting honest with myself about if I could, one day at a time decide to choose lifegiving options for myself. Does that mean i have never made a mistake?  No......I have......I also have a whole plan in my life to deal with systems, people around me, accountability. The saddest thing for me is that my roommate feels bad that HE thinks that his second hand smoke gave me an ulcer post op (research is not clear on this)....and he is just now on oxygen at night and gasping to breathe.....would I trade my lack of  fat for his lack of air?   No way.   At the same time, my sister decided not to have the surgery because she was not ready to let go of the food or the cigarettes, even tho cancer and diabetes run in our family. I still love her and i understand. So, to each their own. For me, it came down to, I want to stay alive. It wasn't about losing a few pounds any more.


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