Need Support and Wisdom Stat!

I'm one pound away from my goal.  I feel great and I look pretty great at this point too.   I haven't been this small since elementary school.  I NEVER brag about my weight loss and I NEVER bring it up or discuss weight, my menu, how I need to eat, how much I exercise, what doesn't agree with me, my goal weight....basically anything about my weight loss with ANYONE except one friend of mine that had WLS also and is going through the same things I am.  I seriously keep it to myself.  I feel like I am exactly the same person I was before my surgery 14 months ago that I am now.  I am a loyal and supportive friend.  However, I feel like people are treating me very differently now.  Many of my long time friends are very short with me, not as supportive of me or just plain not as nice to me as they used to be.  I've made lots of new friends that have interests like eating healthy and exercising and just friends that I may not have been as comfortable around because of my weight before.  I'm so glad I had this surgery, but I'm feeling out of sorts about my relationships right now.  Why is this happening and is there anything I can do about it?  I'm kinda sad and kinda disappointed.  Any insight would be appreciated.

I'd talk to your friends about it.  Maybe they feel you have changed in your behavior.  Maybe you are paying more attention to your new friends and not enough attention to your old friends.  Maybe your old friends feel you don't have mu*****ommon anymore if you're interested in stuff like eating healthy and exercising and they aren't.  I don't know.  And guessing probably won't help.

So I'd ask them and see what they say and go from there.

I have no advice, sadly :(  I do find that now I frequently start discussions about my personal trainer, my new recipes to avoid carbs, my high-protein diet...and I fear that people are saying that I have changed and am less enjoyable to be around!  And you know what?  I have changed! I went from being a couch potato and eating Thai food for lunch and then pizza for dinner, to being a really active person with a personal trainer who meticulously measures and plans her meals.  I went from always being up for happy hour to being completely sober.  So yes, while my relationships haven't changed YET, I can see that they probably will.  I understand your sadness and disappointment, and I guess I can only recommend you try to connect with your long-time friends in ways that don't involve food...and if they are not receptive, perhaps it's time to spend more time with your new friends.  People always refer to this as a "journey" and although I am only 10 weeks post-op and can't even pretend to know 1% of what the vets on here know, I have decided to change my life pretty dramatically, and I know that some relationships will be the casualty.  Hell, my bf of five years and I broke up one week after surgery.  He was not supportive of this surgery at all.  So, just know you are not alone.  Sorry I can't be more helpful!

This surgery allows you to find out who your real friends are. I did too - I think we all go through it at some point. Stick with those that support you and love you no matter

what. Sadly, for some "friends" they're comfortable with us being the biggest in the group, thereby making themselves look better. Their issue, not yours. If exercising and eating

healthy is your new lifestyle, then cultivate friends that do that too. Hang with the old friends that supported you and you'll have a nice mix. I've looked back on 14 yrs on OH and

13 years since surgery and meeting my now friends in support group or wls events along the way. I hang out with mostly post ops cause we can share meals, love to go dancing and

generally stay away from junk food and places that aren't good for us. We understand when one of us has something stuck, eats something our pouch doesn't like or get tired after a bite

or two of ice cream. There's nothing you can do about changing peoples' perspective or persona. Live for yourself each day and the ones that are there for you will always be there.

Jen

13 yrs post op rNY

I can't give you better advice than you've already recieved. Communication is key. Ask them what's up and let them express themselves. Maybe once they get whatever is going on off their chest, they can move in.

Not move in!!! Move on. Sorry.

You don't want them to become your roommates?

but but but, your minor type was really FUNNIER!~!!   :)

Thank you so much for your support and advice.  My best friend and I were going through some issues right before Christmas and I did talk to her and things have been great ever since.  I don't think she realized that she was distancing herself from me.  I agree that this is a journey.  I'm not a big fan of change, so this is just going to be a difficult time that will hopefully pass and I will look back someday with a great set of friends and realize that it will be ok.  Maybe I'm a little more sensitive than I used to be. . . who knows.  I'm glad I have you guys to share with.

On February 26, 2014 at 8:58 AM Pacific Time, Ocalasam wrote:

I'm one pound away from my goal.  I feel great and I look pretty great at this point too.   I haven't been this small since elementary school.  I NEVER brag about my weight loss and I NEVER bring it up or discuss weight, my menu, how I need to eat, how much I exercise, what doesn't agree with me, my goal weight....basically anything about my weight loss with ANYONE except one friend of mine that had WLS also and is going through the same things I am.  I seriously keep it to myself.  I feel like I am exactly the same person I was before my surgery 14 months ago that I am now.  I am a loyal and supportive friend.  However, I feel like people are treating me very differently now.  Many of my long time friends are very short with me, not as supportive of me or just plain not as nice to me as they used to be.  I've made lots of new friends that have interests like eating healthy and exercising and just friends that I may not have been as comfortable around because of my weight before.  I'm so glad I had this surgery, but I'm feeling out of sorts about my relationships right now.  Why is this happening and is there anything I can do about it?  I'm kinda sad and kinda disappointed.  Any insight would be appreciated.

Two things.

First--HUGS! I can hear your hurt and frustration and feeling like you've lost those you care about due to caring for yourself. That is a tough reality!

Second--let me share an bit of a personal story about myself and my husband.

We own two homes, they are about an hour apart. Last June we moved primarily to the lake house and hardly ever go to the city house where we raised our kids. My surgery was last May, so the timing was close for me. The friends I started making last fall and into the winter and of course, was much smaller and they did not know the obese me. Just the overweight me and now, the 'normal' weight me. It is a natural thing with my 'new' friends to go for a run or talk about low calorie foods or whatever. And keep in mind, NO ONE other than my husband (not even our kids), mom and medical staff know I had the surgery. So I'm talking about a healthy lifestyle, not about surgery, with these ladies. And we're all very like minded. They are far more apt to say "Gosh, I've had a stressful day, do you feel like going for a run tonight?" which is something my other friends would never do. And that is not to say I don't still have good friendships with people at the other house, but I realize how very centered on being sedentary and eating my relationship were with them. They are all thin people, so it isn't even that...it is that I did not have a pool of healthy lifestyle people in my closest circle of friends, I had a pool of mostly sedentary and genetically fortunate friends who can come home, eat a bag of crap before eating dinner and have ice cream before bed and be within a few lbs of their HS graduation rate even as they close in on their mid-50s and are just not doing and enjoying the same things I do and enjoy now. I enjoy their company and we still have dinner once a month or gather for special birthdays and as parents pass away, we attend funerals no matter the distance to support them. But if I were in that house full time, I would be LOSING MY MIND because I would not have the awesome support of healthy lifestyle people I do here. My husband has said the same thing. He wanted to find someone to do C25K with now that he's caught religion about running from me and as I am training for a half marathon it makes no sense to re-do the C25K with him (and he'd never expect me to) and put the word out to some of the guys here and they were all about it and now a group of them are doing the program. 

So I really and truly get how fortunate I am that the timing of the shift of primary home and getaway home worked in our favor, but we've both said in the past few weeks that if we had not already planned to largely withdraw from our other home, we would surely be doing so now with all the changes in US. We're the same good, helpful, giving, charitable, intelligent, pet loving and traveling people we have always been. We're just no longer the high fat, low activity slugs we used to be. And we're okay with that. :)  So you might want to expand your circle to include more like minded people who embrace the 'new and improved' version of you and worry less about those that are struggling with the new and improved you. 

Started with a hug...ending with a HUG!