Yup Ex's, my current boyfriend of 12 years is PERFECT, I learned from picking from people I was not compatible with that did things I could not tolerate, how to choose a person that is perfect for ME. My boyfriend is amazing, kind, compassionate, considerate, appreciative, generous, supportive, brilliant, successful, and honestly the most amazing person I have ever met in my life.
And if you think telling someone to quit smoking or to get guns out of their house unlocked with children around or to take their medication is such a horrible thing, then I pity whatever it is that is part of your life. Everyone needs support at one time or other, there were times I gave up trying to have wls that my boyfriend said NO YOU NEED THIS YOU ARE DIABETIC AND THIS CAN HELP YOU. He was right, I smartened up, listened up, and got back on track. Did he manipulate me. Maybe. Did he do it for evil intent **** no, he did it because he loves me. Just like anyone who tries to get a sick person to take care of themselves is doing by making them step up and stop the pity party. I know, I was diabetic, I felt sorry for myself, I get it, but if someone loves you and you love them, then you stop the stupidity and you take care of yourself. Sometimes people need a reminder.
Tried that with my mom. She pulled away. Now she's dead. That's not my "fault" of course but that approach doesn't always work.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
Diabetes made me crave sugar and carbs. Insulin made the cravings worse and made my weight go up. A weight loss surgery might change his life like it did mine. It is his choice but how lucky he would be to have you by his side if he made the decision to have surgery.
Real life begins where your comfort zone ends
This is so true.
To the OP, I can tell your heart is in the right place. Unfortunately, advice feels a lot like criticism when you're obese. The whole world is already so critical of fat people ... I was pretty defensive when my slender husband suggested my diabetes wasn't helped by eating hash brown casserole and pancakes. Of course, he was right, but I didn't want to hear it!
I hope oboe your love has his "aha" moment sooner than later. Until then, vent away!
"What you eat in private, you wear in public." --- Kat
I had that same dilemma with my ex. He is about 50 pounds overweight but he carries it all in his belly, which we all know is bad for your health because of all the fat around your organs. I would tell him all the time how sexy he was but that if we were going to spend a long happy life together, that will be impossible if he were DEAD!! (We could be serious and funny at the same time).
If it were me, I would tell him that in old age when someone has a health issue and the partner has to care for him, that is part of life. but if a person's choices bring on the health issues, it is not fair for the other person to be a nursemaid. Part of being in a relationship is doing what is best not only for yourself, but for the other person.
I agree with the other response about trying to find a diabetes educational class and go with him. He has to make better choices. Tell him lots of people love him and want him around for many many more years.
Laura in Texas
53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 167 (BMI=26)
RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis
brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco
"If what you're doing doesn't work, change what you're doing - don't complain that it doesn't work."