Majorly Depressed - Regretting This

Hi all, 

I've been lurking for several weeks, learning what I can by browsing old topics. I had my RNY on July 21st. 

I've been in Phase 2 (purée) since the 5th, and will be this way until the 25th. I think I was happy about it (happy Phase 1 was FINALLY over) for about 20 hours before I got totally fed up and bored with it. 

I can't even stand the smell of my protein shakes anymore, and I'm sick of broth and soup. 

The thought of doing this for another 15 days makes me ill. 

I spend most days wanting to just go to bed and feeling like this has been the biggest mistake of my life. Before surgery, I was a prisoner of my fat body. Now I feel like a prisoner of my pouch. It's like nothing has changed for me, except the type of jail I'm in. 

I still have no energy, I still can't figure out my body's signals (Am I hungry? Am I full?), I'm dying for a cold soda, and while I fully recognize that my hubby and kids are not in "jail" with me, I feel a sense of anger and resentment when they sit down for dinner.  I literally have to leave the room and close doors against the smells and sounds. 

If I could go back and undo this, I would. 

The phase your in is probably one of the hardest things you'll ever go through.  Many have felt regret, only to realize a few weeks later this is the best thing they did for themselves. One of the things I did for myself after surgery was to get counseling.  I was lucky as my counselor also had RNY. He helped me identify my relationship with food and how that was going to change and how it would affect me mentally.  As far as meals with the family,  I would cook things that fit into my diet.  Things like chili, or if they were having spaghetti or lasagna I would have Shelly's baked ricotta.  She has a ton of recipes to help you so you enjoy the food, it sticks to your plan and you don't feel like you are missing out on whatever your family is eating.  http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2007/08/pureed-foods.html

Hang in there, it does get better and you will have no regrets.  You've got this.

What you are experiencing is very common.  Hang in there, because it WILL get better.

I did not have to do a long period of liquids or purées (my surgeon had us start back on soft food on Day Three post-op), but I know that I would have REALLY struggled with it.  Sometimes people post that finding as many different puréed things to eat, adding some spices to things to help with the lack of flavor, and chi aging up the proteins drinks really helps with the frustration.

Try the Unjury chicken soup protein powder (you can buy sample packs before investing in a whole tub of it, in case you don't like it).  It is salty (too much so for some people) and has a good chick flavor and can be a GREAT change from the sweet, shake like drinks.  People also find that having the Syntrax fruit- flavored protein powders also helps, since they are more like a slightly thick Crystal Light than a milk shake.  They have lots of flavors, including a tart lemonade, a sour apple and sour cherry, and things like peach and strawberry kiwi.

Sometimes some short term counseling also helps to deal with the emotions and other psychological aspects of this life-changing surgery.  Many people find it extremely helpful to have somewhere to vent (which you can also do here, of course!), to get support, and to learn ways of coping without food. I definitely did, and it certainly can't hurt! 

Hang in there, and post as much as you need to. 

Lora

These are the tough weeks but as the scale goes down, and your energy level goes up, it is soooo worth it! I agree - check out the World According to Eggface blog. During the soft food period I used to nuke fat free or part skim ricotta cheese with Italian seasoning and garlic salt - just to have something savory. I am almost 8 months out and living a normal life - I can eat dinner with anyone almost anywhere - just in small portions and focused on protein. You are feeling depressed because of the hormonal changes in your body but this too shall pass! I promise :)

Totally agree with all of the above posters. The beginning is TOUGH...but guess what?  It's only the beginning for a short while...as you get adjusted these feelings will ease.  Eggface has saved all of us in one way or another. Do yourself a favor and get familiar with that website. And while you are at it, take the time to realize that you are special enough to eat special! When those pounds start flying off, you will be singing the praises!

This journey is about 90% attitude, you might want to change yours now.  Failure or worse are the possible results if you don't.

Well then I guess I'm destined to fail, because I don't see myself waking up tomorrow and LOVING my broth/soup/shake regimen. I'm sure for every success there is a failure, and given my track record, failing wouldn't even surprise me. 

I had my surgery on the 22nd of July this year so I understand the phase you are in right now. I know you don't want to drink the protein drinks (I literally curled up in a ball and cried because I couldn't even tolerate the smell of it anymore). I decided that I would try to get as much protein as I could from real food first. Period. That meant eating Greek Yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs (I made me a low fat deviled egg that was the bomb), even low fat refried beans. Oikos makes a great Greek Yogurt that tastes like banana pudding to me and it helped. I am in the final days of it now (as you should be) and next week we get fish, shrimp, deli meat...Then after that week we get ground beef and each day, each week gets better and better. Being positive is key really. It is hard, I know. Some days I want to take the "positive pollyanna" crap and throw it out the window, but if I keep my focus on the fact that I am losing weight and feeling better each day then I know it was all worth it. You got this. I believe you do.

Heidi I used to think you were a nasty piece of work....now I realize you are just stupid

You are too kind.  She is both a nasty piece of work and stupid.