The world is against me

Hi, 

I have been lurking in the background and listening to many of your stories while I went through much of my checklist. I am a mom to two boys, married and am a full-time college student. I was approved for surgery by the insurance company and have a surgery date for next Tuesday, 9/23. I am nervous because much of my family, friends and especially my husband are against the surgery. I am 220lbs. My family thinks that I can lose weight on my own and to get a major surgery is crazy. I am truly stressed out because I really have no support and wondering if I should even be doing the surgery without any help. I even have friends that are refusing to drive me to the surgery because they don't want to go against what my husband says. He won't even talk to me about it and says that I'm crazy to do this surgery and that I should do it on my own. I wonder what your thoughts are on this and if anyone else has gone through this without much support. Thanks!

-Denise

This will likely sound mean, but I do not mean it that way at all. It is too bad that your husband, family, and friends aren't being more supportive, but being a surgery success comes down to you. It would be nice if everyone would rally behind you, but it doesn't look as if they will, so be your own cheerleader and advocate. Most of us managed with children, jobs, pets, running a household, jobs, etc. It is doable.

I recommend cooking and freezing meals for them to thaw and eat while you are recovering and don't feel like cooking. If your friends don't want to give you a ride to the hospital, find someone else, even a neighbor. Where there is a will, there is a way. If you decide you want surgery, commit wholeheartedly and devil take anyone who isn't on board with it.

I don't know about you, but prior to surgery I had high blood pressure, high triglycerides, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, bursitis, joint pain, and a slew of other obesity related issues. I had surgery to get healthy. I determined that I was going to have surgery and lose weight so I didn't die prematurely of obesity related disease. No matter who supported or didn't support me, I had to commit to myself. So if you do this, do it for yourself. If no one else likes it, tough luck to them.

My husband was a bit dubious prior to surgery, although he didn't say anything directly. After he saw the amount of work and dedication I put in every day, he realized I am committed to improving my health and to putting in the effort it takes. He is behind me all the way now, but even if he wasn't I would still do it for myself.

Good Luck!

quoted for posterity:  I just think that 50-80 lbs to lose is not impossible and could be done without surgery. Overall,  I think this is a lot to go through to lose 60lbs and there is a lot of risk. It is painful and very difficult mentally. It may be just that compared to what I had to lose, this seems so small.  I just have trouble even someone having 100lbs to lose going through this when I did not easily decide to do this when I had over 300lbs to lose

Have you been able to lose and more importantly KEEP OFF those pounds? I never could. You quote statistics, but the OP could very well lose ALL of her excess weight. She also could have comorbidities, although she doesn't say.

Gastric bypass is no more or less risky than any other major surgery, and certainly less risky than developing obesity related health conditions. And you have trouble with someone who has 100 or so pounds to lose having surgery? Why, pray tell? You surely don't mean to say we should all have given just one more college try to lose weight on our own. I feel no shame for having surgery, just as I feel no shame that I drive a car to get to work. I had a surgical procedure for a host of medical problems. The end.

The OP is a lightweight, but that doesn't mean she doesn't need surgery. Too bad for me I didn't have surgery when I was a lightweight instead of waiting until my weight put me in the super morbidly obese category.

OP, there is a lightweight (100 pounds or less to lose) board in addition to this RnY board.

I have deleted my post since it has been misunderstood. I do not want her to think there are more people being unsupportive. My point was not to shame anyone or imply you should be embarrassed. I was explaining that everything is relative to one's experience. So, I have trouble understanding going through all this and risking your life for what I consider to be little weight. 80 lbs is nothing when you have had over 400lbs to lose. Yes, I lost 100lbs on my own before deciding to have surgery and kept it off for two years. Comparing my loss to most, even others who are obese is not really sensible since I was so very far overweight. You do make a good point about having surgery earlier. I do wish I would have. 

you need to stop trying to explain right now. You post has not been misunderstood. We know EXACTLY what you are saying. 

Just because " 80# is " nothing" to you, doesn't mean it is "nothing" to the person who needs to lose it and keep it off and has tried everything and can't do it. 

It is a very presumptuous and hypocritical post IMHO. 

I am sorry your family and friends are not supportive.  My personal feelings are that they may not agree with your decision but should support you no matter what.  I would take a cab to the hospital and re-think my personal relationships.  Most bariatric centers have support groups and there is plenty of support here!  By the way....I was a "lightweight" when I had my surgery six months ago.  I live alone and took care of myself.  I was around 225 lbs the day of surgery and was 175 this morning.  Yes, I would do it all over again!  Good luck to you and reach out for support.  We are all here for you!

I was 195 pounds on surgery day.  I lost all of the excess weight and more.  My goal is 136.  I tried for years to diet and always gained back.  With surgery I have been able to lose and stay at goal.  It is sad that you have no support, but I would do it over in a minute.

Many.... That is terrible that your intimate friends and family are not supportive? What about other realities? Like someone above said, why not a neighbor? Or how about a friend from school? And here is a thought, ask a professor if he/she could do this favor for you?  Teachers are not evil. Never hurts to try.  I would give you a ride if it was within my power,, but I cannot.  I will pray you find someone willing to help!!

I just read some of the other members post to your original post. I will say this: Having weight loss surgery is a very personal and individual decision. If you have gone through the classes,Doctor Appointments, and obvious spent the time and i imagine some money towards your surgery, why are you backing out now? Can you lose the weight without the surgery? Only YOU know that. Do you have any high blood pressure, sleep apnea? joint pain? any thing health related that is obesity related?  My surgery day I weighed around 227-228. I am 5ft6.... Do i regret this surgery? NO WAY. It was only a little over 3 weeks ago, but I knew i couldnt do it on my own....and keep it off....not WITHOUT the surgery.

As far as your friends,family and husband, it is a real shame they dont support your decision. In the end, however, it is ULTIMATELY YOUR DECISION...You say you dont want to go against what your husband says...well, what would happen if you did? just curious.  Best wishes....