RANT! PRE - OP

Have you ever told someone about your surgery and immediately regretted it?

I am really choosey about who i tell my surgery about.

For example, I chose to tell this nice woman at work who is like a mom to me. She then proceeds to tell me that she supports me but she doesn't agree that its the right decision for me. She's never had surgery. She then tells me that she would like me to meet up with her to discuss her opinions. UM????

Then i ask why she said its not the right decision and she says she knows three people that are right in the same place they were three years later.

she also then states .. so whats going to happen when your stomach is sewn and you can't have a child or eat. 

I regret this decision to even mention it. I don't think ill tell anyone else. This is why i haven't made a public announcement on Facebook either. I don't need anyone to judge me. I don't need anyone to make me more nervous. I am nervous enough as it is!

This is about me not anyone else. Im afraid I'm not going to lie. Its life changing, I'm not going to deny that. Im ready though. How dare anyone say the things she did. 

Very mad. My fault I guess. 

I also have a Fiance who is petrified of the surgery and is convinced I'm going to die or something bad will happen. I know he is just scared, but he is making it worse for me. He also fears ill leave him and change after surgery but that is common from what I've heard from the psychologist.

How does every one else deal with this? I know our odds are in our favor so to speak. My surgeon has a less than 1% mortality rate but anything can happen.

sighhhhhh

I haven't told anyone other than my mother and 2 closest friends. Fortunately, they are all very supportive!  One of my friends likes tell me how ridiculous it is that I don't want to discuss it with casual aquaintances. She tells the world her business about EVERYTHING!  I recommend you take your fiancé to a seminar and/or your dr appointments so he can ask his own questions. I'm certain that's the way I got my mother on board. Good luck to you!  It feels great on the losers bench. I will tell you I wish I'd done this long, long ago. I'm sure certain aspects of my life would be very different. 

Good luck, kiddo!

It is hard not to tell people you interact with on a regular basis. I did not announce it on facebook or make any kind of 'announcement'. I did regret telling one person, my pastors wife, she listened when I told her, but then came back a week later with 'You can do this on your own" and other things. I told her I had never asked for her opinion. A good friend of mine's husband is an Internist. They don't live near me anymore but we talk regularly. One day I call and she says "Michael wants to talk to you" I was like no I don't want to talk to him, (I wasn't in the mood) She responds, "Well he has some things he needs to get off his chest before you go through with this, he's had patients with lots of problems after" Nope not going down that road with you. My feeling was, I was willing to talk to people if they wanted to know more and understand, I didn't mind questions, but I wasn't going to subject myself to someone who had an agenda.  For the 1 to 3 people everyone knows who has a problem, I have met, read about, or know many more people than that who don't regret it for a minute.

I was a nervous wreck up until the surgery, not that I told everyone that, but I was worried about approval, should I really do this, will I lose enough pre-op weight, will they cancel me for some unknown reason at the last minute..... Then I would think my surgeon has never had a patient die in over 4,000 surgeries what makes me think I will be the first one.

Take your fiance to a seminar and/or to meet the Doctor. My Doctor encouraged family members to come to appointments. My son lives in Chicago(I am in NY) and the Doctor even asked me one visit, where is your family?

Hang in there, and good luck!

This woman obviously doesn't know her a&& from a hole in the ground.

RNY will not keep you from having children or eating.

It's your decision, not your fiancee's or this nosy parker co-worker.

Do what is right for you and your health.

Don't discuss your health decisions with her anymore.

Take your fiancee to the meetings with you so he can get good info.

Hang in there, what you are feeling is absolutely normal. I choose NOT to share with my co-workers that I had the surgery. I said that I was working with a nutritionist, and committed to an overall life style change (all true).people at work have been super supportive and comment on how great I look and ask questions about what I am doing. I tell them (short of I had surgery). I was very fortunate that I had a close relative and friend who had had WLS and they warned me what type of reactions I might get if I told certain individuals that I was having WLS.

i was terrified just like you. I just KNEW that there would be complications and I would die. Of course it was totally irrational and my surgery went off without a hitch. This was my first surgery or hospitalization EVER ( outside of three natural child births). My spouse and adult children tried to talk me out of it, with "you can do it on your own", "just start working out" ( like I had not tried and failed that for years). HOWEVER, ultimately they were all there for me and super supportive when I continued on to have surgery. This is the best health decision that I ever made! I am so happy that I did it and wish that I would have done it sooner! Hang in there! 

Your are right - you told her and that opened door for comments and her opinion 

I had RNY 6 years ago..... And i maintain my weight loss....but as time went by over the years l developed many food allergies and intolerances. I think, and a group of my doctors think that RNY is the cause - and it is most likely not going to be better in the future.  Plus Over the years I needed 3 surgeries for internal hernia.  And Even though i am not menstruating, i need iron infusions every 1- 2 years.  I deal with severe RH, so carbs - even from fruits or some veggies need to be very restricted.  And so on. Dealing with IBS that developed after RNY, cysts in my pancrease (that need to be monitored by a cancer doc with yearly MRI), plus, plus plus...

Most people do well with RNY, but some, like me, deal with way too many issues.  

Maintaining weight loss is a constant very hard work. But with so many other issues, i really need at least one thing good so i work hard on that. 

Btw: if i could go back - i still would have WLS but would choose VSG ~ the sleeve. 

That's really tough.  I chose to post it on Facebook, because I knew it was an easy way to keep everyone informed about what was happening.  Then, since I have coworkers on there who would talk anyway, I sent an email to everyone I work with.  I didn't want advice before the surgery, so I sent it at the end of the day on Friday, right before I had the surgery on Monday.  I'm a HS teacher, and teachers gossip just as much (if not more) than the kids do.  Plus, I was gone for two weeks in the middle of the semester, so once I came back and started dropping weight, everyone would be able to figure it out.  I announced to my classes that I was having surgery, and anyone who asked me what type, I told them. 

I feel very fortunate that I haven't had the negative blow-back.  Especially since one of our co-workers had it done about 12 years ago and almost died on the operating table.  But the most I've heard from anyone is "warning stories" about people who had the surgery and gained it all back.  While I appreciate their concern, I will NEVER let myself go like this again.  I gained my weight in college, when I was young and indestructible.  I'm too old now to just pretend like everything is fine at this weight. 

My wife was terrified before the surgery also, just because all surgery has risks.  But fortunately, as soon as she was told by my surgeon that I came through it just fine, it's like a switch was thrown, and she's been fine.

Are there any pre-op classes that you could bring your Fiance with you?  I had one where my wife was able to come, and the education really eliminated her fears and concerns about my life after surgery.  It might help with some of his anxiety.

My own mother was against me having the surgery.  Since she never weighed over 100lbs in her life, even during pregnancy, she didn't understand how I felt.  She is still not happy with my decision, but it was just that....my decision, I am living with it and what a life I am leading!

My surgeon told me he had never had anyone die from having the surgery, but had a couple waiting for it.

Your boyfriend has a right to be concerned though.  Watching someone go through something so invasive is worrisome.  I have not known a relationship to come out of this unscathed, but I have heard some are better.

Good luck!

I had to deal with my 23 year old son disagreeing totally and even got really angry about it.  HOWEVER, at about the six month mark, and seeing me so successful and happy, he told me, "Y'know what Mom?  I was wrong.  This has been so good for you and I'm sorry I was so negative about it.  Mostly I was just scared."

So it CAN happen... and yes the odd are VERY MUCH in our favor.  

I told everyone and with such pride, maybe a little force and so much did you know my Dr said...that if they wanted to speak poorly they didn't dare.:) Most said well you have so much information about it. You really have researched this.1 Lady at work who I passed in the bathroom and had never seen before (huge company) said to me have you had RNY right before I was going in to have it. I looked at her and was a little offended. Like she was saying wow you are fat. I grabbed a hold of myself and said yes next month and with some pride, shaking my head at my moment of offence. (Mom said never ask a lady her weight or if she dyes her hair...lolLOL) She said she had it and it was a flop. I found myself instantally telling her she should see a psychologist as most regain is head hunger and offering to go to support group with her. I also gave her this web site. It is your personal choice to save your health. Ask yourself would you ever tell a smoker they shouldn't try any means to stop if they were having health issues? When they live in your body they can drive:)