A Little about me:

So I am almost 3 years post op. I lost 195lbs in the first year and a half. I felt AMAZING; like a new person. Everything seemed to be on track. I was going to the gym 3-4 times a week eating healthy loving life!

NOW:

I would say around the 2 year mark severe anxiety and depression have kicked in, I eat whatever I want (I don't pay attention to carbs, fat, protein or any of that) I have started drinking heavily (VERY) and in just this past year I have gone from 185 (which was too skinny for me in the 1st place my goal was about 215-220) to creeping on 240. THAT'S NOT GOOD!!! Also I can never find the motivation to exercise anymore. I mentally want to be eating right and WANT to exercise and I really DON"T want to be drinking but, no matter how hard I try (and yes I have tried to make myself) I can't seem to keep on track.

Is there any one out there that has gone through something like this and bounced back from it? I want to be able to change before all my weight comes back because with the depression I have now I can't imagine how bad its going to get if the weight all comes back :(

Thanks in advance for anyone that can take the time to talk.

HI!  I am just 11 months post-op but I was previously dosed with anxiety with depressive episodes (i.e. I was anxious with bouts of depression).

I noticed it is not stated whether you are under the care of a counselor, psychologist or a psychiatrist.  I also notice you dont state what has brought on this anxiety/depression. Is it situational (e.g. the death of a loved one) or is a more long term imbalance?

At any rate, you may want to consider long term therapy (pharmacological AND talk therapy/emotional support). I gather that you are using food and alcohol as an emotional crutch. The trick will be dealing with these feelings without using food. For me it is now the gym.  When things start going wrong (and they often do) I use running or working out (i.e. lift weights) to tone down *the primal scream* I feel on the inside.

In the past, I have also used Effexor for pharmacological support.  I was so upset, my hair was falling out in patches.  After about 2-3 weeks, on effexor I felt like I was at the beach. World War III (with nukes) could be happening but I felt OK with everything.  It got me through, but I determined it is NOT OK to constantly feel like I was at the beach and emotionally removed from everything.

Effexor DID help with the stress eating. I achieve my lowest weight at this time (i.e. 142 lbs).

For me, the trick was to learn how to "be involved" without internalizing problems and becoming emotionally too invested.

Thank You for your input.

I am not currently seeing a counselor or talking to anyone of that nature. As for the depression I have always had that due to the being over weight and bad upbringing but never did have anxiety. Just seems the past year or two my depression has gotten a lot worse and all of a sudden I have began to have anxiety. I am not sure what has triggered this because nothing significant has happened with or around me. I was literally visiting a friend and we were hanging out playing on the xbox and catching up (I hadn't seen him in a few years) and out of no were I had a massive anxiety attack and now it just seems to happen every once in a while. As for triggers for the anxiety that's where it kinda gets weird.... I was eating a peanut butter protein bar when I had that first anxiety attack so now in "my brain" I am allergic to peanuts and tree-nuts (even though I have been tested by a doctor and I am NOT allergic) and medication... I have anxiety attacks when trying medication that I haven'e had since my surgery I always fear I will have an allergic reaction to it and go into anaphylactic shock.

I don't personally know of anyone that has had this odd type of anxiety so I have never really been able to express it to someone who may actually understand what I am going through. Most friends/family simply say "it's in your head get over it". I do realize that it's "in my head" I just don't know how to make it go away.

The lack of family/friend support is what I believe is weighing in on the depression side of it and I have just found that I can numb my feelings about it with alcohol but, when I drink all i do is sit there and eat and eat and eat....  

I am not exactly like you but I am similar enough.

I have bad self-esteem too but "mask" by being an overly friendly, work-aholic, outgoing person.  I do the Mary Kay "fake it until you make it" 12+ hours every day.  It is at times...exhausting.

Little things that would cause minor alarms in others (usually in a work capacity) send me into RED ALERT (with sirens mode). Sometimes I get too aggressive (I see a threat..it MUST be put down immediately) other times too scared! 

Anyhow-"the primal scream" never goes away. It gets toned down ..but it is ALWAYS there (except when on effexor)

I's get on a a good anti-depressant, one that also helps anxiety such as Effexor. Gastric bypass patients have an increased risk of becoming alcoholics because small amounts of alcohol achieve a higher blood alcohol level than before surgery and also your trying to replace the food you can no longer eat. You might need anti addiction meds like topiramate or antabuse to help get off the alcohol. AA may also be useful.

The last thing you want is liver disease or chronic pancreatitis from the alcohol

Have you considered the possibility that you have exchanged your food addiction to an alcohol addiction. Personally, this is where I would look first. Stay away from any and all alcohol, get involved in the post WLS culture, meetings ect and see if things improve.

I am praying for you and sorry you are going through all this.  I have anxiety and depression too so I know all about what you are feeling.  To be honest the alcohol consumption might be kicking in your anxiety.  It is really hard to get out of a rut like that.  Take baby steps.  A lot of the anxiety meds and depression meds you cant take with alcohol so at this point it might be best to focus on the alcohol portion first.  We all have issues or we wouldn't have had to have WLS.  Don't feel like you are alone in this.  Trust me when I say we all have our struggles.  And I know about not having the greatest childhood as well and that is a lot of the reason I am an emotional eater myself.  But there are a lot of people on here that are going through the same issues.  Might not be the exact same but we all are for sure going through things.  You will get through this.  Being able to verbalize it on here is a good first step.  If you started walking to replace some of this it will make you feel better for sure.  I know that is something that when we are down we don't want to hear but exercise really helps with all the things you are going through.  Praying for you and I hope it gets better.

I'm sorry to hear about your struggle.  Not sure about your past childhood trauma however, I do know a little bit about how it impacts the brain and development, emotional well-being and coping skills throughout life.  Sounds like you could benefit from therapy as it relates to your childhood and figuring out your triggers.  Weight loss doesn't undo those hurts, your weight gain is camouflage.  My advice is to look at this is part of your journey to healing. You know it's a problem, so take control and forgive yourself.  I promised myself I would never drink again after surgery because I knew going into it, that it could be a problem.  Honestly, it's been the easiest thing to give up but I sometimes miss it, especially this time of year.  I have learned so much about myself over the past couple of years post surgery, now that the weight is off, the real work begins in understanding and facing some demons, understanding how past trauma impacts our lives and how to heal.  It's hard work but a lifelong journey.  Good luck with everything, I hope that you regain perspective and reach out for the help that you need.

I am glad you came here seeking support and advice. That is a great first step. I have depression and have for years. I take zoloft to treat it. I have also had panic/anxiety attacks in the past and WHEN they hit me it never made sense. There often isn't an immediate trigger to the attack, more like a buildup of emotions. 

I think your first step is to call your doctor. Get help. You don't have to do this alone. 

You've already taken the hardest (and most important step) -- acknowledging that you have a problem.

You don't need to do this alone. In fact, I'll say unequivably that you CAN'T do it alone. When you lack motivation to exercise, or eat too much, or drink too much, that's not you -- that's the depression talking. Once you get that taken care of, it will be easier to work on the rest. Depression is a sneaky illness. It will tell you that nothing works, that there's nothing you can do, and that seeing a medical professional is a waste of time. Kick it in the teeth and refuse to listen.

First, see your doctor. Second, find a therapist who understands weight and addiction issues. Third, attend some AA meetings.

Put in the time and do the work. Your past doesn't matter -- write a new story for your life and look forward.

If you want, I can send you a very short morning and evening exercise I give my clients to do -- if you stick to it for 30 days I promise it will change things for you.

Sending you healing thoughts and positive energy. You can do this.