Don't Know What To Do

on 1/19/15 12:46 pm, edited 1/19/15 12:56 pm

I know most of you on here tell people about your surgery and I know a handful of you who don't mention it. I'm debating on whether or not I want to tell my family and friends that I'm having it done. The only people who know are my parents, siblings and you guys lol. I'm scared that people will look at me differently or look down on me knowing I had to have surgery to lose weight. My extended family can be quite the judging type but I feel like I'd be living a lie or hiding a piece of my life because I know once I start losing weight they're going to ask me if I had surgery and I don't want to lie but I'm not entirely sure I want to tell them. Any advice?

on 1/19/15 1:28 pm, edited 1/19/15 9:49 pm - MN
RNY on 11/26/12

Some days, I felt like shouting from the mountaintops, other days not so much. It seemed easy to sense if someone was asking out of happiness and well wishes or out of (judging) noisiness.  My advice is to have pat answers ready for both.  Be prepared to repeat that pat answer.  Also, an avoidance tactic is to redirect the conversation around the other person's life.  Good news:  comments, questions, and curiosity disappears quicker than you'd assume.  Around 18 months, most people were done processing my body change and a new baseline was established in their brains.  The process continues in my brain forever!

on 1/19/15 1:32 pm
RNY on 12/16/13

You need to be comfortable enough to tell people, some will have a many questions, some will applaud you for making your choice, and some will knock you for it. When your ready to say it, that's when you do it. My daughter waited about 1 year to be really open up about it, where as I told everyone as soon as asked about my weight loss. Good luck on your decision 


HW: 355, SW 314.2, GW: 165 - Surgery Date 12/16/13


Jenn S.
on 1/19/15 2:43 pm - Boise, ID
RNY on 06/16/14

You need to do what is most comfortable and what is best for you.  Even if you don't tell them now, you may change your mind and tell them later.  I did not tell many people.  I told my family, my boss and since the surgery I started dating so I told the guy I'm seeing.  That's it.  I don't feel like I'm lying by not telling people. I just honestly don't feel it is any of their business. I have had other surgeries I don't broadcast either. Having this surgery was a very private and personal decision.  This of course is the best choice for me.  Do what you think is best for you and not what anyone else thinks you should do.


H.A.L.A B.
on 1/19/15 6:54 pm, edited 1/20/15 7:07 am

I told some people but only if they asked directly...

It is a medical procedure that you don't need to be proud or ashamed of. It is personal and private, 

a different point of view check this link. ****

One of wonderful things that happen to some of us as we get older - we really don't care what most people think or say about us.  I know for me that is true. 

They will say what they want to say, or think what they want. I don't care. Their opinion is their problem. Not mine.

 I am comfortable what i do and how i behave.  I think my attitude and self confidence prevent others from voicing their disapproval for my choices. 

However..almost 7 years postop - i still maintain my weight loss and it is a very hard work.  I am proud of myself. 

The WLS gave me a tool and i use it every day...

Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG

"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"

"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."

on 1/19/15 9:47 pm - Wilmington, DE

Good morning.  I myself, I've told my co-workers (most of them that I work directly with on a full time basis); my immediate family and my closest friends.  My rationale for telling co-workers, we have a lot of luncheons.... I did not want to keep being asked at the luncheons why I am not eating, or eating like I was or if I don't like the food.  The people I work with ask truly out of concern...not to be mean or rude.  I also told the above so that no one believes I am sick or anything else with a lot of weight loss in a short period of time. 

It truly is a personal decision.


Pre-op weight 342.5; Surgery 320.7

M 1-10.5

on 1/19/15 9:59 pm
RNY on 12/18/12

I only told close friends and family before my surgery.  I didn't want any judgments or anyone trying to talk me out of it.  After I started to lose a lot, and people started noticing, I handled it this way:  If someone just commented that I lost weight or was looking good, I would say thank you and try to change the subject immediately.  If they directly asked (about 75% of the time) how I lost weight, I would tell the truth.  I am not good at lying to people's faces.  Honestly, not one person said anything negative.  Everyone was very supportive.  Some people made dumb comments, of course, but really, people that directly asked wanted to know because EVERYONE wants to know how to successfully lose weight because EVERYONE is trying to lose weight.  Most aren't morbidly obese, but 90% of the people I know over the age of 30 struggle with their weight.  I decided that I made the decision to have the surgery and I have gone way beyond meeting my weight loss goal of 135 (now 117), so let them say what they want.  Clearly it was the right decision for me.  Judge away.


on 1/19/15 10:29 pm - Rochester, NY
RNY on 01/21/13

Do you think you can actually hide it?  You're going to melt!  People are going to ask if you're sick.  Do you plan to lie?

(deactivated member)
on 1/19/15 10:56 pm

They do ask if you are ill. I had it happen to me numerous of times. I was always like do I look ill.

on 1/19/15 11:22 pm - Rochester, NY
RNY on 01/21/13

I understand the fear of judgement and all that, I just think it's completely impractical to hide bariatric surgery from people who see you every day.  I'm a pragmatist.