I backed out the first time ... and now I want to do this. Should I?

The only thing I would suggest - don't do it "for them". Do it for YOU!!!  So you can be happy with yourself and healthy enough to be great for them. 

Plus ...Looking fabulous when you run into your ex would be ..Kind of "great".... 

Edited to add:

Expect the best ..But be prepared for the worse. Complications can happen. Short term or long term.  

Once you make a decision - tell yourself that you will do anything and everything to be healthy. 

WLS is a tool.  What do we do with it - is up to us.....

I was approved to have RNY 10 years before I ended up have WLS (I ended up having a different type of surgery than RNY). The night before my scheduled first surgery I backed out! For many reason's but I felt like I had little to no support for one reason. Shortly after I lost my health insurance and COULD NOT get surgery. I spend 10 year regretting not having the surgery when I was able too! Fast forward 10 years I finally have WLS and am currently over 5 years out. As much as I regretted not having the surgery years before, I can now honestly say FOR ME, that I think I would have been a WLS failure if I had done it the first time. I wasn't mentally prepared to do it with or without support!! It will be you and you alone that has to make choices from day one to the end of life! As important as it is to have support, it is more important to be in a strong enough mental place to say, "with or with out my sister's support (or whoever) I will and want to do this for myself". Besides, you can always get support from your children and this site :) 

My tale is very different than yours, but I was definitely waffling on surgery. I was going through the insurance red tape process and was really unsure for a while. I ended up having a TIA in October, and that was my "sign" that this is what I needed to do. My kids are 15 and 12 and they have been great. I'm happy for the choice because it will help keep me around for my kids and for myself... I have plenty of goals I haven't reached yet. And if this surgery is the step to get me towards them, I'm okay with that. 

Only you can make the decision.  I lost 200 lbs. 10 years ago "the old fashioned way," and then proceeded to gain all but 30 lbs. of it back.  I'm 57 years old and have struggled with weight since I was in elementary school and have lost hundreds and hundreds of pounds over the years.  I used to think that WLS was the easy way out and as long as you have enough willpower you can loose weight and keep it off.  Well obviously, that hasn't worked so well for me.  I went to my first WLS orientation class in October 2015, had surgery in June 2016 and haven't looked back since.  It certainly hasn't been easy, but it has definitely been worth it.   I know this is going to be a lifelong struggle and don't for a second think that when I get to goal I can back to my old patterns.   I still have 20-30 lbs. to goal, but I feel so much better. I just said to DH last night that I just realized that my feet don't hurt all the time anymore.  I was having real issues with my knees and now only occasionally get a twinge if I really over-do it. I guess the bottom line is do your research, make sure you are ready for the lifelong change and make the decision that is right for you.

Everyone has fears and doubts...even if we pretend like we don't. Go for it!  I can hardly express how life changing for the better this has been. 

~E

please don't speak for me. I had no fears or doubts. I couldn't wait to get on the table. And I know EXACTLY what I was feeling.

I did not have any doubts. I KNEW being super morbidly obese with high cholesterol, high triglycerides, high blood pressure, and sleep apnea would kill me eventually. My next diagnosis would probably have been diabetes, and that was at age 38. I figured my chances with surgery were a lot better than staying obese and getting worse by the year.

Any surgery has risks, of course, but I judged it worth the risk. It was the last resort for me. In the simplest terms, obesity was sure to eventually kill me; surgery most likely wouldn't.

I also didn't let anyone nay-say me. My mother's idiot husband tried, but he's an ill-informed jackass who doesn't live in my body and also doesn't even manage his own chronic health conditions worth a **** so why would I listen to him?

I've been healthy since surgery. I could develop health problems that are related or have nothing to do with WLS. I did not want to have a poor quality of life and let obesity slowly kill me if I could prevent it. I watched my dear gram die slowly from obesity-related disease. I would like to avoid that.

Do whatever works for you, and everyone else be damned.

I'll tell you something if you look on here and do an average of people who have problems vs people who are in absolute love with the new version of themselves you will find there are a lot of really happy people.  Your kids are well old enough to "deal" with this and your sister shouldn't be a factor, maybe she sees how much better off you are she'll rethink her stance. 

I was super scared making the decision to have RNY surgery. I doubted and second guessed myself during the entire process. I almost backed out the morning of my surgery. I had many family members/friends saying I didn't need to do this. but 8 months later I'm wondering why the heck was I so scared... It's been the best decision ever. I have an 8 year old and it feels amazing being able to keep up with her and do things I could not before. I know many of us have different experiences but so far for me this surgery has been truly amazing and my only regret is not getting it done sooner. 

I had a lot of doubts when it came down to the actual week or so before surgery. I will say longer than that. I think it was because I felt a lot of shame. And fear. I was scared about how my life would change.

Doing this on my own without surgery did not work for me. It took me about ten years before I grew a backbone to say I was going to have RNY.

My husband didn't want me to have it done. He thought I would die. I was more likely to have died from being MO.

My life has changed. It has for the better. Not that there hasn't been some major bumps in the road. But that is called life. Good stuff and happens and so does bad **** 

You can't count on someone like your sister to be a supporter. You just showing her how life can change might make her see that life can get better.

I can eat almost everything. I wish at times I couldn't. But I am also an alcoholic. I had gotten drunk so many times and threw up and would still go back to my old ways of getting hammered.

WLS has showed me so many different things about myself. It has made me come to terms with my addictions. It also has shown me that life can be better. Sometimes we have to be our own cheerleader and just take care of our lives. Not worry what others think. I do like the way I look now. I also like the fact I can chase five year old children around a classroom and feel okay at the end of the day.

Have WLS for you. I know it is important to be there for your kids. But it is great to do this for you. Not selfish at all.