Feeling Like A Failure
Hello everyone, I am a new poster here. I got my roux en y done in July, so I am 6 months out. I have been suffering some depression the recent months. I started out last year at 356 pounds, my heaviest I ever weighed, I am now down to 265-270, it varies. I am having a hard time now with eating and I feel like I have given up and am not caring anymore about what I eat. I also feel like I eat so much that my pouch has stretched and now the surgery was a complete waste and there's no going back. I just feel like I have failed and I'm wanting to hear that it is still possible to lose, I have been stuck at 270 for about 3 months and it just feels so discouraging and I've given up on the whole diet and exercise. I'm 24 years old and I just feel like I had a chance and it's gone. Is it possible for the pouch to stretch out that much in this small amount of time? I also feel like I can eat way more than I should. I just need some help. Thank you.
I can't answer your medical question about the size of your pouch. Only your surgeon can answer that. As far as having failed, there are things that you can do to help your situation. First, start drinking at least 100 oz of fluids a day. I found that until I was drinking at least 100 oz that losing didn't go so well. Focus on dense protein. Get 80-100 g of lean protein every day. Cut out the carbs. It is really hard at first, but the less carbs you have the less you crave them. Start walking. When I started, I couldn't walk 5 minutes, but now I can run for an hour. Walk a couple of times a day and work your way up in speed and endurance. Log everything that you eat in a program like My Fitness Pal. I also encourage you to participate in the RNY menu thread daily to have some accountability for what you are doing.
You can do this, but you have to make changes and commit to it.
HW: 248+, SW (RNY: 2/28/17): 244, GW (10/17): 125; LW: 115; 45# regain (19-20); CW: 135.6; new goal: 135; Plastics: Ext mastopexy, Ext abdominoplasty-5/18/2018; diagnosed w/ gastroparesis 11/20.
Only you can make the changes that are necessary to move yourself toward success. You need to eat protein first and weigh and measure everything. I would suggest that you seek the professional help of a therapist. It sounds like you have a number of issues at play right now that are torpedoing your success.
You need to care, you're the only one that can be the champion of your own health.
As I said, get out the guidelines you were given when you had surgery. Measure and weigh your food portions starting with protein first. When the meal is gone you're done.
You haven't really given us much to go an as far as what you're eating other than you say you don't care about what your eating and you can eat more than you should. Anybody can out eat any surgery. It's up to you to not do that.
Seriously, reach to your centre, find a therapist. Makes changes before it truly is too late.
RThanks for the responses everyone!
I think i also havent really realized how much I have already lost and haven't given myself a pat on the back, I guess also it's becayse we look in the mirror everyday and maybe the results just aren't as shocking because of that. A typical day for me includes the wrong foods, not enough water, and yes I have even incorporated soda and candy back into my life. I feel so guilty and wrong for it but I know I can get back on track I just need support and motivation again. I guess my biggest fear is that the surgery was a complete waste and I also fear I've stretched the pouch out beyond repair, but I know that's just me making it up and wanting to give up and I can't be that way.
Plug your numbers into the Post Op Planner under resources at the top of the page. It will give you an idea of where you should be weight loss wise. I found it to be fairly accurate for me.
Kick the candy and the soda and any other empty calories you are consuming to the curb. That's what got you to 356 lbs in the first place.
You have come along way, you lost almost 100 lbs. You can get there but you will have to put in the work. Take advantage of the honeymoon phase, it gets much harder after that.
You may need therapy and even some meds for depression. I know that app 6 months post op I hit my mental low and needed extra help.
it is not a failure to ask for help.
for me - I had to go back to the time before I had RNY and I had to remind myself why I had it - what was in my life that made me chose a very drastic surgery to change it. I had a few sessions with a therapist to help me understand why I chose the WLS in the first place and why I started sabotaging myself app 6 months into it.
For me - part of it was fear of being normal weight again. The fear of not having my weight as a protection and an excuse. I used food to deal with my emotions, to deal with my fears and depression.
You are 24 - you have a whole life in front of you. Fight for it.
FYI: you may or may not have stretched your pouch. When I eat too many carbs- or start drinking too many sodas (diet for me - the regular one could kill me - dumping) it often feels like I can eat and eat and eat. My pouch become like a bottomless pit, no matter what - I can't feel full. Sometimes that is because I started drinking with meals (big no-no). A sip here and there before it is time to drink ( I need to wait at least 30 min after a meal) Or when I eat slider foods - foods that as the name implies - slide in my mouth, through the pouch, into the very long small intestines, never really register that I ate something. Even good for us food can become sliders- yogurt, soups, crackers, desserts, etc.
Get counseling - therapy, find out why you are sabotaging yourself. Then hopefully - find a good quality dietitian- nutritionist, who can help you design your own menu to start losing again.
Join a gym or find a friend to walk with - having someone else who wants to get fit always helped me.
Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG
"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"
"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."
Are you seeing a therapist to help you break free from your self-sabotage? If not, you should definitely add one to Team You. The surgery fixes our stomachs, but it takes a different sort of work to change our unhealthy relationship with food.
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170
I think you have done a very courageous thing by posting and being honest about where you're at and how you're feeling. I think you can go back to the basics and start from there? Eat dense protein, take your vitamins (if you aren't) and make sure you drink enough water. You may need to white-knuckle it for a few days if you need to "detox" from sugar and/or carbs that you might be eating. I think most importantly you need to know that you are worth it and YOU CAN DO IT! Does your local program offer any in-person support groups? Best of luck to you-hope you feel better soon.
I am far from an expert because I just had surgery Nov 23rd, 2017. However in talking to my bariatric team they said that stretching your stomach out almost never happens. What does happen is that you eat high calorie food, and eat more often than you need to. I'd say it is not too late for you at all. Stop and look at what you are eating. Journal your food intake and measure what you are eating. Refocus on you and your health. It isn't easy, especially with depression, but you can do this.