Lack of support/insensitive spouse

GerryF2003
on 12/17/17 10:41 am
RNY on 12/11/17

Not obese but definitely overweight.

ScottAndrews
on 12/17/17 12:00 pm
RNY on 03/20/17

Hmmm Sometimes when one obese spouse has the surgery the other obese spouse has to deal with a lot of insecurity. You'd know better than enyone if that was the case but honestly it just sounds like he's being an a-hole. Hang in there. Once you're able to expand your menu a bit and the pounds are pouring off you it gets easier.

Amy Liz
on 12/17/17 7:25 am
RNY on 11/21/16

If your husband is really trying to sabotage you, that is unfortunate and I'm sorry to hear this. At first I though some people were doing the same (food pushing) but I really think they just didn't understand. While I have my family's support, I am really on my own. Take out is in my house almost daily from my grown son and lots of salty, sweet snacks and carbs in general are in the house for my BF and son. Life would be easier if this were not the case, but this was my choice. They didn't have this surgery, I did. I am responsible for me.

RNY 11/21/16 - HW/SW 309 LW 150

REVISION 4/10/23 - HW 240 SW 225 CW 182 GW 175

catwoman7
on 12/17/17 8:01 am
RNY on 06/03/15

I'm so sorry to hear this. You are right - he's not being supportive. It's one thing to live his life as usual - to continue eating the way he always has. And you're going to have to learn to deal with people around you doing that because they haven't had surgery like you have, and you can't expect them to change their lives. However, from the way you described it, it sounds like he's taunting you rather than just eating the way he normally eats, and that's cruel. Peach is right, sometimes marriages end after WLS (fortunately, mine got stronger, and some move in that direction, too....). I hope things work out if that's what you both want (although it doesn't sound like that's what you want...), but it doesn't sound like he's trying very hard. I hope he comes around...

RNY 06/03/15 by Michael Garren (Madison, WI)

HW: 373 SW: 316 GW: 150 LW: 138 CW: 163

White Dove
on 12/17/17 5:54 pm - Warren, OH

This calls for lots of planning. Quest Nutrition makes protein chips that are ideal for us, even right after surgery. Order those and use for some of your protein requirements.

Use some of the chips for making things like the Margherita Pizza

This is your journey so make it as pleasant as possible. Always have food on hand that delights you. You don't have to be a martyr and you don't have to eat stuff and spit it out.

This will take effort and some money on your part. You will never regret it. Pay attention to ingredients and make high protein, low carb, sugar free, flour free delightful treats for yourself.

The World According to Eggface is full of wonderful treats that you will enjoy and that will help with your weight loss.

I am going to share my secret for having had 45 years with the same person. When you are angry with him, play this game. Treat him like a king. Pr aise him to his face and in front of others. Find something to build his ego everyday.

Do this for a month. At the end of the month, walk out if you still are not happy with him. But the secret is that after a month of finding good things about him, you will very likely fall in love with him again.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

Teena D.
on 12/18/17 3:11 am - Oshawa, Canada
RNY on 01/12/17

Wow, that's amazing advice. Thank you.

RNY Jan 12, 2017 Lost 137 lbs but regained 60.

77 lbs lost and counting!

Losing the regain! I got this!

Gwen M.
on 12/17/17 7:41 pm
VSG on 03/13/14

If you haven't already, I recommend that you engage the services of a therapist as well as a lawyer so that you can start laying the mental and financial/legal groundwork for divorce.

VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)

Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170

TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)

Eggface
on 12/17/17 8:19 pm, edited 12/17/17 12:19 pm - Sunny Southern, CA

I'm sorry about your Mom.

You didn't mention if you asked your husband for what you need... I think sometimes we assume people should just know what we are thinking, feeling, if they loved us they would xyz... the easiest way to get your answers about a person... are they vindictive, clueless, a complete d-bag, insensitive, in their own world, thoughtless, etc. is to just ask for what you want and see if "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health" holds up.

"Right now it's hard for me to see you eat my favorite things... can you support me by taking the kids out for food, not eating when I am around, etc."

BTW emotions/hormones/drugs in the system cause us to be all over the place for a few weeks so bear that in mind and you will have to work through (highly recommend therapy) people eating things around you that are not the best choices for you anymore. It will get better... when your ROI for all your hard work and these hard first few weeks is feeling better, healthier, etc. candy and pizza won't be as important in your life.

Sending you healing wishes and some reading: http://www.obesityaction.org/educational-resources/resource- articles-2/weight-loss-surgery/relationship-challenges-befor e-and-after-weight-loss-surgery

Weight Loss Surgery Friendly Recipes & Rambling
www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com

GerryF2003
on 12/18/17 3:40 am
RNY on 12/11/17

Thank you for your kind words of advice. I'm going to go read those articles right now.

(deactivated member)
on 12/18/17 6:08 am

Come here and rant it is okay.

I have been married for 27 years. I also am realizing that I have been taking care of everyone but myself. I had the surgery and expected everyone to change.

Well pretty much in a nut shell we change. We have to change.

Four years after surgery. I realized I lost myself. I became just someone's wife and mother. Which are not a bad thing.

I was conforming to what I thought everyone wanted. Not what I wanted.

Well I started doing plays which is something I have always wanted to do but was too afraid to do it. I still feel awkward.

I was miserable. Even though I lost weight.

But the feeling I had on stage was amazing.

I only work part time so the grocery shopping falls on me. I like this since I am control what foods come into the house.

If someone wants something that I really can't eat I usually make them go buy it. If they are too young to get it themselves have them shop with you and pick it out.

I have my kids hide food from me. I am a food addict.

I work with a therapist which has helped me.

Learning to live life and figure out who I am has been a hard but a good thing.

Sometimes the person who we are with really isn't bad. They are just afraid of change. It is not easy for people to change. It is very hard.

Learning to love ourselves and know we are worth it is one thing for I needed to do.

Remember if you are not doing what makes you happy. No one will be happy in the house.

You deserve to be happy and healthy.

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