Have you been asked this? "Do you even need the surgery?"

I've lost about 47 pounds over 5 months while working with my bariatric practice by making lifestyle changes and going to the gym. My insurance requires 6 months of a medically supervised diet and I'd prefer surgery in late September or October due to my work schedule. I'm sitting at 222 lbs and am 5'2" and 41 years old.

I am continually told that since I am doing so well, i shouldn't have surgery. I've had medical professionals (associated with the practices I'm seeing for my prep work even!), my personal trainer, friends, and coworkers tell me this). I HATE that I then end up having to explain (to strangers in the case of the medical office staff) my personal history, especially about how I have been obese since childhood and that my entire family is morbidly obese (except for my mom who had a successful sleeve last year).

Does this happen to anyone else? It's getting frustrating. It's getting to me a little bit and I'm starting to feel very conflicted about surgery. There also seems to be an element of judgement. I have had people tell me I'm taking an easy way out...but the surgery doesn't look like it's going to be anything close to easy.

What are your experiences? Thoughts?

Yup. I was told that "I was beautiful" to which I replied, "did I say I was ugly??" or "I don't look big enough to need surgery." In which case I would ask them at what weight it was acceptable to have surgery. It put them on the spot, and they usually said some number that was below what I weighed :P

when it comes down to it, your reasons do not need to be justified to anyone else.

Hello! Yes I was told (by non-medical professionals) that because I wasn't SUPER huge (260 at 5'5") and because I was young (24) that I didn't really "need" surgery, that I should be able to lose on my own, yada yada.

The thing to remember is that surgery helps with sustainable weight loss...SUSTAINABLE being the key word here lol

Nearly everyone here is a pro at loosing weight and have probably lost thousands of pounds between us all, the thing is no one could keep it off. You lose 50 pounds but in a couple of years you've gained 70. We all need a way to lose weight and keep it off and surgery is the single most statically successful way of doing that.

Also, there is very much an element of judgement, even from other overweight people. Surgery is not easy, right now I'm eating 500 to 600 calories a day and drinking only water, 64 oz of it daily along with 11 pills (vitamins). Anyone would lose weight if they did that, but they can't.

A lot of people don't tell anyone that they are having surgery because it does come with that judgement and long conversations about why and it being necessary and more. You don't owe anyone and explanation about what you are doing or why. This is your personal medical situation and you are allowed to keep it private...many people do.

I wish you the best and encourage you to keep up with the program. I would hate to see you leave now because you want to just finish up on your own and then come back in a year having gained it all back plus more. You are doing what is right for you and screw anyone who judges you for that.

Thank you for the clear advice. I'm not planning to back out, but I also find myself telling people that I haven't 100% committed to the surgery or that I'll decide closer to the date after I see what I weigh.

But...I know, I really know, that I've been down this path before and I ALWAYS gain it back and more. Without doing something different this time I really don't believe I can get low enough and keep it off - you're right that the statistics back this up to.

I'm a very forthcoming person and hate being secretive or evasive. But, there is something to be said for not saying anything to anyone about my plans.

this is your private , personal medical history.

Do you feel the need to discuss ALL your private medical history with everyone?

Dovyou discuss your birth control method, the ins and outs of your last gym visit or any thing else?

You don't have to justify your medical decisions with anyone.

When ppl try to question me about my medical decisions, I pull out my phone and start scrolling, and offer to give them my providers home number so they can call HER and ask their questions about my personal medical history.

That usually shuts the RIGHT up!

I got the "but you're not that big" comment a lot, probably because I am tall, but losing weight wasn't going to impact my health issues in the same way, and the RNY, also I'd lost a substantial amount when I was first diagnosed with Diabetes, by employing a personal trainer and diet, but it wasn't sustainable because I couldn't afford the trainer for ever, and over time even though I said I wouldn't gain weight again I did. I am now down to less than I was back then and I'm struggling at 3+ months out everyday, but I can't eat as much so as long as I stick to healthy choices the weight continues to come off, if somewhat more slowly, but it's a lifestyle change not a diet.

I wish this had been an option year's ago, as I might have spent the last 15 year a lot healthier than I am now. Everyone else thinks it's easy but they haven't been there. Stick to your guns, you're doing this for you.

Other people have no idea of your personal history. I've lost probably 3 times my body weight over the years, and the longest I was successful was for about 5 years. I lost 90lbs and kept it off for 5 years down to a size 10 dress and 12 jeans. But I also was working with a personal trainer (that I really couldn't afford) and working out 6 days a week. Then I had a hysterectomy and started piling on the pounds, managed to gain it all back + 50lbs. Part of my issue is I don't want to have to be as obsessive as I was, I don't want to have to work out 6 days a week.

Don't let anyone tell you what you should do, you know your body best. I personally know that for long term success the RNY is one of the best tools.

I too had to do a 6 month physician supervised diet, and I actually managed to gain 15lbs. It took me over a year to get the surgery approved and I did the farewell to my favorite foods tour. (A very BAD idea!) So now I'm on the right track and honestly wish I'd done this years ago.

I chose not to talk to people before my surgery.

I have strict personal boundaries that I keep with everyone, family, friends etc. I don't invite opinions or advice unless I ask for them and if someone tries to cross my line, they're shut down, immediately.

You don't owe anyone information or explanation.

Choose how you want to interact with people and stick to it. If they choose to be offended by that, then oh well.

I'm with Kim. Shut it down. It isn't anyone's business and you owe zero explanations or justifications for what you do with your body and the decisions you make regarding your health.

I don't tell, personally, but there have been a few people who needed to know pre-op and with all of those types of comments, the best one-line that shut everyone down is along the lines of, "My doctors and I are working together to make the best medical decision for my individual health needs." Because, as HollyKim said above--people are probably not asking about any other type of medical intervention you are getting--why do they think they get an opinion about this? We treat weight loss like it is vanity only, but it is a medical procedure and deserves the same privacy that any of your other medical records deserve.