Body dismorphia

I am almost 19 months post-RNY. I have lost half my body weight and been maintaining within 3 pounds for almost a year. I eat mostly to plan and exercise 5-6 days a week. A few months ago I started working with a personal trainer and doing weight training and I am definitely more muscular than thin for the first time in my life. This isn't an easy life, but I know I am doing well overall and working to make this a permanent lifestyle.

This weekend DW & I took a trip to Longwood Gardens and I took lots of pictures. I was looking at them on my phone and then when I uploaded them to my laptop and I am completely grossed out at the pictures of me. I know when I look in the mirror that I am fit, but when I look at the pictures, I feel completely HUGE and grossly FAT! I am including pictures for reference. One is my pre-op picture, then two examples of this weekend.

I have talked to several close friends and my therapist about my thoughts and feelings, but the dysmorphia that hit me this weekend was almost overwhelming! I would appreciate any experience, thoughts, advice, etc. I don't want to go down the slippery slope to becoming unhealthy just because I become convinced that I am fat and ugly unless I wear a size 0 or 2 (I wear a 4 now). This is not a good head space...

Thanks, Janet.

Good Morning Janet, I am sorry that you are feeling that way. I can relate and don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Thanks! My head just isn't seeing reality and I don't want to lose my health over it.

I think you need a better bra. Have you had a professional bra fitting?

Get the girls looking their best and that will make a world of difference!!

At the outset - let me just say, I think you look great. However, does this feeling span lots of different outfits? Are you still selecting the more baggy styles you were when you were heavier? I had to shock myself into a different style. I now wear skinny jeans and fitted shirts on the weekend. For me - it changed my mindset. Now I look great in clothes. Maybe not without the clothes, but I'll take that as a good trade-off from where I was at 2 years ago.

Well, there are times, like telework days and Saturdays around the house, where I wear sweats/shorts and a slightly baggy t-shirt (a size or two bigger). I have donated all of my larger clothes and bought things that fit better.

I didn't mean baggy like sweats, so no offense intended. I mean like I always looked for fuller cuts or say from Under Armour "loose fit" but now I get either loose or "fitted" depending on how the item is cut. I do find that even when wearing a golf shirt that some that I have look puffy on me. That's why I asked do you feel the same across whatever you are wearing or do you like the more loose style? Just posing maybe it's an old mindset with clothes vs. body image. That's all.

I think you look great! Our brains do crazy things to us, don't let it convince you that you look anything but good. I've never been a size 4 ever, at my smallest I was a 10-12 so in comparison you are tiny! Don't let your brain tell you otherwise!

Thanks! When I am folding my clean clothes and look at them, I can't believe that they fit me, but they do! Very disconcerting even now.

I agree! You look amazing! but our mind does play tricks on us. I am down 135# so far, still working on losing. But I don't see the progress until I make a side by side photo. It's so strange. My husband and I were folding laundry last night and he's like...are these your underwear or Kali's (Our 19 year old) lol! That made me feel good. Shes a size 4...and I am not.