If you can spare the judgemeno then please help me out

Hi, so I want to share something very personal. I know I will be judged for it but I have no other support. And because I feel like I am protected by this shield of anonymous I hope it will not haunt me but instead help me. I beg for understanding! So as some of you know I had doubts regarding the surgery RNY. I felt like with the support of members I got to the peaceful state of mind, prepared for what I should be eating and not, did quite a bit of research. I have noticed that in Europe (where I am from) there are no specific support groups and these types of surgeries are taboo to talk about, people are looked down for having them. So I haven't told anyone but my immediate family, and I also lied to two of my friends that I will have surgery for health purposes. My family was sceptic but I calmed them down buy telling how great it will be etc. Because I had to pay for the surgery most of the money was kindly given to me buy my mother. The surgeon gave me the date for the surgery in a month. So I felt like it was soon but by that time I felt I was prepared. So on the day of surgery I had doubts but as members said that was normal so I decided to follow through. As soon as I woke up I knew I have made a mistake. I feel like I have betrayed my body, myself, like it was the biggest mistake, irrational decission and that I was failed by the medical system in my country, as the leading up to the surgery is nothing as USA system. Yesterday I came to forum and read about the reversal and all of the horror stories of people getting sick even after years after surgery, fatigued and since that momment I cannot stop shaking inside, I feel paranoyed , so so so anxious, so emotional. I want to scream, I had so many nightmares in one night my heart is rushing. And the worst thing is I cannot tell anyone about how I feel as I don't want to be judged, but most importantly I don't want my family to feel like they let me do this thing to myself, like they have failed me. I know my mother feels so much guilt, as she keeps saying we could have tried harder for you to lose weight without depleating yourself. I am so afraid of becoming low energy, depleated of nutrients. I don't want my gallblader removed, I don't want kidney stones, I don't want the fatigue. I beg of you, please help me, tell me what to do! Has anyone has been in my shoes how have you got to the other side? Please don't judge me. Is the reversal possible? Would I be just like before? How iften does the complications occur? How long will I feel this way? I know I sound like the most stupid person in the universe.

Whoa- chill out a bit. Buyers remorse is totally normal, and probably magnified by the general disdain for the surgery others around you have. Stop zeroing in on the horror stories and focus on the positive ones.

you were obsese/overweight- that doesn't really equate to 'high energy' you know. Nor does it mean you had the proper balance of good nutrients. Don't overlook the toll obesity takes on your health-- could you have complications- yup. Would you have health complications from obesity- absolutely, if not presently, then eventually.

No telling how long you will feel this way- you are the only one who can make the shift in thought to accept another way of thinking.

good luck

Take a few deep breaths. Like Peach said, you're focusing on the negative stories, probably because you are so anxious!

You mentioned lying to your fiends and telling them you had surgery for your health; I would argue that you told them the truth but not all the details. If you have WLS to deal with MO, you are having it for your health.

You mention you didn't get the presurgery program some of us have had, once you are through you surgeons recovery plan, you could use this forum to get advice on supplements, protein and hydration requirements. The search function will help you find many discussions on all those areas.

Right now, regardless of your long term plans, you have to focus on recovery and hydration. Getting all your fluids, gentl walking to get the gas out and avoid blood clots, and your protein to help with healing will move you forward.

Take another few deep breaths.

Am I seeing correctly that you had the procedure just 3 days or so ago? My heavens, sweetie- the fatigue, low mood, and so on arn't specific to having an RNY-- You've just had MAJOR surgery, and would be feeing the same if it were for any serious procedure- a shock t the system, the anesthesia, discomfort and so on. Look forward and work daily toward wellness and health with your new tool, embracing the opportunity you have. You are not stuck feeling this way--just the beginning of a better life before you---day by day--progress made over time. Do walk this path gently and be mindful of the recovery process. Hydration, movement, slow progression in food consumption (high quality and small quantities) and do pay close attention to getting necessary vit/minerals in.

You can do this--it will get better! Be your best friend, and let your mom know that now is the time for extra encouragement, support and hugs. I'm rooting for you! bonnie

I'm 14.5 years out and have none of those problems. WLS forums are full of posts like yours, but generally short on "I've had surgery and am the healthiest I've ever been", which are by far the majority.

If you have no real life support, you really should hang out here, with your peers, where you'll get to know people who don't have their hair on fire!

In the US, people who have weight loss surgery are also looked down upon and most people in the US lie about having had the surgery in order to avoid judgmental remarks.

Losing weight without surgery is fairly easy. Maintaining that weight loss is fairly impossible.

All over the world, obesity is ruining people's appearance, health, and happiness.

Probably 1% of the people who need weight loss surgery actually get that surgery. The others continue in their hopeless quest to lose excess weight without surgery. Many do not have the money to pay for the surgery. Many buy into the ignorance that they are deforming their body and that they are cheating by having surgery instead of losing the weight with diet and exercise.

The truth is that you have given yourself the only hope of achieving and maintaining a healthy weight. You will still have to diet and exercise. You will have to take supplements. Before surgery, I dieted, exercised and took supplements. The only difference after surgery is that the diet and exercise works.

You are one of the lucky ones. Enjoy and use this opportunity for the new slim and healthy life that you have been given.

Dove I must be one of the odd ones, I tell everyone I meet I had the surgery and no one has ever said anything derogatory about it.

I post in on my Facebook page so all can see and ask questions.

Im sure though that there are people that are judgmental and uninformed about the whole surgery. Luckily, I just dont see them.

I am new as well. I just had my surgery a few weeks ago. I put my referral in a year and a half ago. I did a pre-surgery program for a number of months prior. I had been contemplating this surgery for 5+ years before making the decision to ultimately go through with it. I changed my diet and lifestyle well before having the surgery. I have an amazing support system.

All that being said...

The first few days after surgery I also questioned whether I had made the right decision as well when I was suffering in pain, had no appetite, was nauseous all the time, had horrible gas pains, and just felt all around horrible.

Now I feel amazing.

I don't know about reversals, but what I can say is:

It's hard to get through that hump of the first few days, but it gets better.

It's not uncommon to feel that way right after surgery - I did, too. But most of us get over that pretty quickly and come to the conclusion that having WLS was one of the best decisions we've ever made.

complications can happen (as they can with any surgery), but major ones are rare. They seem more common than they really are because people write about those. Not many people broadcast on internet forums that they're x-number of months or years out from surgery and don't have any complications. I mean, what would be the point? The vast majority of us have had no - or only minor - issues. I had two strictures early out (supposedly the most common complication of RNY - yet it only happens to about 5% of us). Easy fix. I can guarantee I'd have a lot more complications than that had I remained morbidly obese.

give it some time. I think you'll feel very differently in a few weeks.

You are not "the most stupid person in the universe". Many of us here have had buyer's remorse. As others have said, the majority of us are healthy and have no issues, but posts like that would be boring

People mostly post when they have issues so they can figure out what is going on.

Rest up and drink your fluids. You will feel better soon. Hang in there!!