A bad day - Social life after bypass

Cris1976
on 3/17/19 7:11 am, edited 3/17/19 7:21 am

Friends,

How have you faced change in social life after WLS? Yesterday I went to a fair on the street. I wore a skirt and it fit perfectly. But inside me a voice said: What good is a lean body? What's the vantage of fitting in a skirt?

I was a lightweight, IBM 40 with comorbidities (diabetes, cholesterol, hypertension, esteatohepatitis and venous insufficiency). How to find the improvement?

Has anyone experienced these feelings and can share? I also feel like inferior to other fat people.

Excuse me and do not judge me. Better days and worse days. Today seeing my husband crying when he saw me in crisis was also difficult.

MLC45
on 3/17/19 7:41 am

Why are you looking for advantages of fitting into a skirt? Instead you should look at the advantages of not having high cholesterol or hypertension. If you have type 1 diabetes, then the surgery won't change anything, but if it's type 2 you could be cured from it. Those alone are huge advantages of having the surgery. Having a lean body or fitting into a skirt is only the side effects of getting healthy.

I think you're focusing on things that are unimportant. Instead focus of becoming healthy, living a longer life with your husband, having days when you actually feel good instead of dragging yourself out of bed and through your day. If you focus on those changes then you won't care about changes in your social life. And for the record, the social life gets better and better as you become more healthy and feel better about your self.

Cris1976
on 3/17/19 8:00 am

Thanks for helpme about focus ;-)

I had diabetes tipe II. Today, i dont take medications.

Citizen Kim
on 3/17/19 4:46 pm - Castle Rock, CO

There is no "cure" for type II diabetes, only remission.

Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist

Amy R.
on 3/17/19 8:08 am
On March 17, 2019 at 2:11 PM Pacific Time, Cris1976 wrote:

Friends,

How have you faced change in social life after WLS? Yesterday I went to a fair on the street. I wore a skirt and it fit perfectly. But inside me a voice said: What good is a lean body? What's the vantage of fitting in a skirt?

I was a lightweight, IBM 40 with comorbidities (diabetes, cholesterol, hypertension, esteatohepatitis and venous insufficiency). How to find the improvement?

Has anyone experienced these feelings and can share? I also feel like inferior to other fat people.

Excuse me and do not judge me. Better days and worse days. Today seeing my husband crying when he saw me in crisis was also difficult.

No judgment here. We all have our demons. Keep hanging in there until you take yours to the mat.

I do wonder though. Do you feel shallow or vain because you had a surgery that saved your life AND that also helped you cosmetically? Do you judge others by the same sharp lens you use on yourself? You seem like a nice person and a kind one and it's hard to imagine you judging others for their WLS in the same ways you use to beat yourself up.

I can find value in my smaller body. Others have listed many things of value as well, multiple times. Some are vanity. Most are health related though.

Whatever happened to make your husband cry today must have been horrible. My husband cries so rarely that I'm a bit shocked when it happens. Are you in a health related crisis? Are you ok?

Cris1976
on 3/17/19 8:36 am, edited 3/17/19 1:42 am

Anny,

Thanks for your message.

In fact, I do not judge other people and I judge myself without piety.

Today I thought that I could have continued to take medicines without surgery and this hurt me. I think: did I give in to what the doctors said? Did I give in to gordofobia?

Vanity, this also hurtme. I see here that most of the OH group had IBM greater than 40. Did I allow myself to be captured by vanity and gordofobia? The medicians was wrong and gordofobics?

My husband remembers that it was very difficult, swollen legs, liver, difficulty walking ... After surgery, the arritmias.

I was worried about my husband. I was curled up in bed and without joy. He said, "Where is the cheerful woman you were?"

hollykim
on 3/17/19 10:28 am - Nashville, TN
Revision on 03/18/15 with
On March 17, 2019 at 3:36 PM Pacific Time, Cris1976 wrote:

Anny,

Thanks for your message.

In fact, I do not judge other people and I judge myself without piety.

Today I thought that I could have continued to take medicines without surgery and this hurt me. I think: did I give in to what the doctors said? Did I give in to gordofobia?

Vanity, this also hurtme. I see here that most of the OH group had IBM greater than 40. Did I allow myself to be captured by vanity and gordofobia? The medicians was wrong and gordofobics?

My husband remembers that it was very difficult, swollen legs, liver, difficulty walking ... After surgery, the arritmias.

I was worried about my husband. I was curled up in bed and without joy. He said, "Where is the cheerful woman you were?"

you could have continued to take medicine for your vomprbifities but why should you have to? Your illnesses were only going to get worse even on medicines.

you have done yourself a huge service by havein a surgery thAt has likely prolonged your life. You will be able to live that life more healthy and that is no small thing.

my skirts and everything els also got perfectly and mine are SHORT!, so I celebrate that right after I celebrate all the medical issues that went away after my VSG.

love yourself like you would love a good friend. Try to realize that you have given yourself a wonderful gift,the gift of a more healthy life. Move on into the life you were meant to lead and if you can't , please see your pcp for some antidepressant to help you through this transition time. You may not have to take them long.

 


          

 

Amy R.
on 3/17/19 10:57 am, edited 3/17/19 4:08 am

You'll have to forgive me, I'm laughing entirely too hard over "gordofobics". Languages can be so funny!

I'm glad you can admit that you judge yourself most harshly. I do similar so I understand. Once we know what we are doing we can work on changing it. You don't deserve to be beat up by anyone, including yourself. Next time you're about to think hurtful or mean things about yourself, try to ask yourself if you would think the same about others. Learn to question your negative self talk and self thinking. It's hard. I'm learning too and it's hard.

As far as this forum and BMI under 40 before surgery: there actually are a good handful of LW members here. Not sure how much activity is in the Lightweights group but you could check it out. Or make a post on the main board or this Rny board asking lightweights to tell their experiences and give you encouragements maybe?

The arrhythmias, we've already talked about you and I being similar. Those arrhythmias are now chronic issues that you'll need to keep in mind. Just like other chronic health conditions you can work on managing them and not repeating them. Information is power. Learn about them and share your knowledge with your husband. It sounds like he could use some reassurance. There's a good chance that if you learn enough about them, you'll grow tired of the issue and it won't be front and center in your mind as often.

You've already made a great deal of progress since your first few posts. All of us have bad days and it's ok. Just don't give up. It only gets better.

edited to clarify my comment on "vanity": My point was not that I think YOU are vain. My point was and is, you seem to judge yourself so harshly, even about how your skirt fits. I wondered if you considered YOURSELF vain, while in others you see the same behavior as healthy. If that's the case, there is work you can do to learn to give yourself the same grace, mercy and kindness you extend to others.

Cris1976
on 3/17/19 12:29 pm

Thank you so much, Ammy.

You helpme today.

Writergurl08
on 3/17/19 9:21 am
RNY on 02/15/18

In my opinion, your starting BMI doesn't matter if you had comorbities as well. It's about health, not size.

I look at the cosmetic side as a perk, but certainly not the overall reason I had this surgery. Like you, I was on diabetes medications that were costing hundreds of dollars each month, and now I do not (except vitamins).

I enjoy being able to navigate the world as a smaller person. It's much easier to find clothing I like, participate in life without worrying how far I'll have to walk or if I'll fit in certain places, and I find that I enjoy being much more active than I was before.

its ok to be pleased about a perfectly fitting skirt. You are not vain for doing so. How many things fit perfectly and made you feel good about yourself when you were overweight? It's not vanity, it's confidence and sometimes I think we are not used to feeling confident about how we look. That too, is part of mental health.

HW: 340 SW: 329 Goal: 150

CW: 231

Surgeon: Dr. Kalyana Nandipati (Omaha, NE)

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