Failed Relationships

on 4/8/19 10:57 am
RNY on 12/11/17

I'm just wondering how many of you have had failed relationships after surgery? I'm ending a 15 year marriage and am just wondering if there are any support groups for this sort of thing. (Specifically divorcing post surgery.)

HW 300+, SW 265, CW 202

I do not apologize for my existence no matter how uncomfortable it might make you.

on 4/8/19 4:41 pm

I got divorced about 3 years after my RNY. I had put up with a lot of his garbage for several years, but after I lost the weight my self esteem grew and I realized I could do better than what I settled for. I also lost my best friend about a year after surgery. She couldn't deal with the fact that I was no longer bigger than she was. She wanted our relationship to be centered around food, but I wouldn't do it. It's hard losing those you care about, but I realized I was just as important as everyone else. I didn't need to deal with their issues.

Good luck

on 4/8/19 9:26 pm
RNY on 12/11/17

Yes, that's exactly how I've been feeling-- like I put up with so much crap because I didn't feel worthy. Now that I have my self-esteem back I'm about to dump another 200+ lbs. LOL

I'm sorry to hear about you losing your best friend. I see mine struggling with my healthy change as well and I wonder if our friendship will survive.

HW 300+, SW 265, CW 202

I do not apologize for my existence no matter how uncomfortable it might make you.

on 4/9/19 3:01 am

True relationships that really are for the good of each other will survive. Those that dissolve over something as little as weight loss, would never stand the test of time and real troubles. The relationships that matter are the ones that will be with you no matter what changes occur in your life. It can be hard in the moment, but looking back 19 years after surgery, I can tell you I don't miss those relationships, and I'm even happier they're gone.

on 4/10/19 5:45 am
RNY on 05/03/18

Bariatric Divorce is real lol

I divorced my husband of 7 years about 2 or 3 months after surgery. I thought "I'm taking all of these huge, drastic steps to improve my physical health, yet I'm continuing with something that absolutely destroys my emotion and mental health and takes away my happiness."

And it was the same as the other poster, I had stayed with him far longer than I should have because who else was going to want to be with me? He was the best I could do, I thought.

It's been stressful and a process, but I can tell you that separating from him has been one of the best decisions of my life, on the same level as getting surgery! What RNY has done for my physical health, divorce has done for my mental health. 10/10 would do again

PS - On a more serious note, I am sorry you are going through this stressful time and I hope that you are able to find the support you need. I was able to get some therapy sessions out of my school that really helped me in the transition.

25 years old - 5'5" tall - HW: 260 - SW: 255 - CW: 132.0

Pre Op - 5.0, M1 - 25.6, M2 - 15.6, M3 - 14.0, M4 - 13.4, M5 - 10.8, M6 - 13.8, M7 - 9.8, M8 - 7.8, M9 - 2.8, M10-2.4, M11-0, M12-7

Lower Body Lift with Dr. Carmina Cardenas - 5/3/19

on 4/12/19 7:00 pm

i do understand. my best friend who also is my ex-husband and i are having more issues getting along since i had the surgery. he is over 300 lbs and refuses to control his eating. i think my losing the weight makes him realize just how out of control his life is. i am a threat to him. i do think there should be more support groups for issues like this.

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