Husband took me off his insurance!!!!!

on 10/9/20 12:34 pm

I had come here looking for support because I wanted to have surgery and I got some really great advice from many. As I had said in a few of my posts my husband was totally against me having surgery and I found out a few days ago that he has taken me off his insurance plan. He did it on purpose and he made sure I knew it had been done by sending me a copy of the open enrollment that removed me. I do have access to insurance at my place of employment but his plan is better and of course covered gastric surgery

I am totally pissed off and I have tried to maintain my composure over the last few days but to be honest I am about to lose my **** I was doing so well changing all of my eating habits and focusing on more activity and now I just feel defeated. I called his HR to find out if he could put me back on his plan and was told that no because they already know I have a certificate of insurance through my plan and I would have to wait until Oct 2021 to get back on.

I feel like he totally sabotaged me and since I found out I have literally been eating my feelings. I needed a place to vent and I am thankful I have here to do it but I guess I won't be having surgery anytime soon.

on 10/9/20 1:17 pm
RNY on 08/29/18

Keep on posting, we welcome you regardless of where you are in your journey.

Jim Age 54 Height 6 Feet Consult Weight 344 SW 289 Pre-Surgery -55, M1 -25, M2 -16, M3 -21, M4 -10, M5 -5, M6 -1, M7 -4, M8 0, M9 +4, M10 -4

on 10/9/20 1:29 pm

Bless you. I appreciate the continued support. I really need it now more than ever.

White Dove
on 10/9/20 1:43 pm

Don't get mad, get even.

Here is what to do - Calm down, dress in a cute outfit, and plan a great meal for your husband. Let him think that he won. Start treating him really well. Make believe that you are not angry. Be sweet, kind, and considerate.

It will drive him crazy. He is prepared for anger, frustration, fighting, outright war. He is not going to know what to do when you are being so nice. He will try to get you to fight and argue. Just smile and say that it does not really matter anymore. When he insists, say, "I really don't care anymore. It was not that important". Then change the subject to something pleasant. Ask if you can get anything for him.

Commit to doing this for the next three months. While you are doing this sweet and adoring wife routine, you can also be eating well and exercising. By the end of the three months, he will feel so bad for the way he acted. He will not know what to do to redeem himself. Let him figure it out on his own.

By January, he will come to you with a plan to make things up to you. I am betting his plan will be a total apology and a commitment to helping you to get your surgery. Don't gloat. Act surprised and pleased. You need all of the help and moral support that you can get.

It feels awful right now, but look at it as a major battle that you can win with the right strategy. Never tell him what you did and why. He wants to be the person in charge, so let him believe he is in control.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

on 10/9/20 4:58 pm

White dove your plan sounds like exactly what I need to do but I hope I CAN DO IT. I am so angry and hurt and yes, he did this on purpose. He saw that I was doing well and he couldn't use the bullying anymore so he took what he could.

I will say this, I will definitely think about what you said but right now I literally could just walk out the door. I do have a good job and I do have a family I have seen a side of him that I never thought I would. Do I really want that in my life?

I will keep you updated on what happens. If you hear of any missing husbands in Nevada.......

White Dove
on 10/9/20 5:44 pm

I also 100% support your decision to walk out that door if that is what you feel is the right thing to do. My idea is to make him feel the guilt of what he did. But sometimes it is better to just walk away from a person who is not there for you. The world is full of good men who would never treat you like this. And life is too short not to be happy.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

on 10/9/20 4:06 pm
RNY on 06/03/15

This is horrific! What if you have a heart attack or something? He sounds like an abuser. I won't even tell you what I would do...

on 10/9/20 5:32 pm

That is one thing that I said to him is that he has left me with no insurance and no ability to get any of my regular prescriptions at this time. I still have to call my HR to find out if I can get on the insurance there since I have none, but if I can't I am royally screwed. This is the biggest issue that I have. His need for control or his inability to accept that I want to change drove him to this. I am not sure I can ever forgive him.

Laura in Texas
on 10/21/20 3:08 pm
RNY on 09/17/08 with

I know I wouldn't be able to forgive my husband if he did that. I don't think I would even stay married, quite honestly.

Make a plan to get the surgery on your own. Can you sell anything? Maybe your engagement ring and wedding band? Or maybe let him think you sold them?

Laura in Texas

53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 170 (BMI=27)

RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis

brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco

"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears."

Melody P.
on 10/9/20 5:31 pm - TX

I am sorry. I was trying to think of something nice to say but your husband sounds like an a-hole....a controlling one at that.

keep fighting for your health!

39 F and 6 foot 1 inches

VSG - 3-14-18 - - - Revision to RNY - 5-29-19

I can?t control everything but I can control what I put in my body.

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