Jealousy from co-workers? Did this happen to you?

ReginaL
on 10/22/20 10:41 am
RNY on 06/25/20

Seriously, I had surgery in June and was completely open about me having it, even with my co-workers. After all, I spend a good deal of time with them! No one said anything negative, and a few were even slightly encouraging, but now that I'm four months out and have lost enough weight that they are noticing a difference, I feel like a few of the women especially are not as supportive or friendly as they used to be. Do you think I'm imagining it? How should I handle it?

Tekish
on 10/22/20 3:05 pm

I doubt you are imagining that your coworkers are noticing.

Weight Loss surgery changes relationships. The good ones will get better, the bad ones worse. You've update the balance in your relationships.

First, they probably weren't as friendly and supportive as you believed them to be. Misery loves company, and y'all were probably all unhappy about your situations together. You were in the same foxhole fighting the same battles against the same skinny people.

Now they perceive you becoming the enemy.

Think about what us fat folks thought skinny folks thought of us. We thought they judged us, looked down on us, viewed our weight as character flaws. This is what your 'friends' think is going on in your mind. Their proof is how you talk differently about food, or about exercise. You are now not all in this together.

When you mention your new food choices they hear you judging their food choices. When you talk about getting new, thinner clothes they hear you judging their fat clothes. Every positive thing you mention they hear as judgement. If you try not to talk about this stuff at all, they will think even more harshly of you.

You need to be sure you are not doing, even hinting at the things they are sure you are thinking and feeling. Then it's just a matter of time. Eventually, you will stop losing weight, they eventually they will get used to the new you, and eventually a new balance will be established.

Good luck,

Tek

ReginaL
on 10/22/20 3:31 pm
RNY on 06/25/20

Tek, this is very helpful insight. I didn't even stop to think that I could become the enemy of any of them who are overweight, and there are some. I suppose I felt closer to them at that time since I was one of them, but I don't want to lose those relationships. I just couldn't let my health get more out of control so I did something about it after a good deal of searching.

I am going to make sure I don't overshare about my food choices and new clothes I might buy. I can't shut off completely like you say or they will make up their own minds about how nice I am. Keyword you use is balance. I guess I need to have as much understanding about what they're thinking and feeling as I hope they have for me and my new lifestyle.

You are very wise, thank you!

ReginaL

hollykim
on 10/23/20 7:36 am, edited 10/23/20 12:37 am - Nashville, TN
Revision on 03/18/15
On October 22, 2020 at 10:31 PM Pacific Time, ReginaL wrote:

Tek, this is very helpful insight. I didn't even stop to think that I could become the enemy of any of them who are overweight, and there are some. I suppose I felt closer to them at that time since I was one of them, but I don't want to lose those relationships. I just couldn't let my health get more out of control so I did something about it after a good deal of searching.

I am going to make sure I don't overshare about my food choices and new clothes I might buy. I can't shut off completely like you say or they will make up their own minds about how nice I am. Keyword you use is balance. I guess I need to have as much understanding about what they're thinking and feeling as I hope they have for me and my new lifestyle.

You are very wise, thank you!

Not only are you now a possible enemy to the overweight ones, but you are becoming a threat to the normal weight ones. What if you get thinner, prettier and more nicely dressed than they are? Like Tek said, stay the course and they will get used to the new you. If they don?t , you can certainly live without them.

 


          

 

ReginaL
on 11/2/20 10:40 am
RNY on 06/25/20

hollykim, so sorry for the late reply to this, I appreciate your advice. I've decided that if they were friendly and supportive before and change to the negative with me slimming down and being healthier, I don't need them, absolutely.

ReginaL

White Dove
on 10/23/20 9:45 am

They come back dripping with support and empathy when a few years go by and you start to regain. Just enjoy the journey. If you really work at it, you might not have any noticeable regain.

You are in a unique group now. You are a threat to the overweight ones and the ones who were never heavy will probably admire you. Be very careful not to sound judgmental about their food choices. Sometimes you show it with just a look and don't even realize you are doing it.

After we get a micro sized tummy, the types and amounts of food that other people are eating often seem disgusting. I used to tell myself that the tiny plate of food that I am eating is just as much to me as the huge plate that they are eating because their stomach is so much bigger.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

ReginaL
on 11/2/20 10:44 am
RNY on 06/25/20

White Dove, I'm sorry I missed this message of yours. I really don't want to be a threat to anyone, so I'm just going to be as much in the middle of the road as I can. I wasn't placed here on earth to judge anyone, it's not in my job description, so their food choices are their own, and their portion sizes. I don't have the power or inclination to judge, but I understand that a sideways glance could be misunderstood!

ReginaL

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